Sorry to hear about your mother, and about your relationship with your siblings. It has taken a long time for my sibling to come on board, I believe a lot of it is to do with denial, not accepting that the situation is what it is, or possibly a fragile relationship with their parent. Lots of friends who have found themselves to be the sole carer or if you are lucky to have a carer, then still the one to look after everything. It's all consuming! Do any of your siblings have partners that you could speak with about it, this is how I got my sibling on board. Also, do you have Power of Attorney set up so that at least you can deal with all the financial and medical issues - you will need this and it's really helped me.
Say hello and introduce yourself
- Thread starter HarrietD
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Hi everyone, my name is Nick. I recently joined this forum to learn more about mental illness because my sister has Alzheimer's. I want to do everything I can to support her.
I'd love to hear other people's stories and experiences. Perhaps we can learn from each other and provide some mutual support. I also served in the military for five years, so if that background is relevant to any discussions, I'm happy to share my experiences.
I hope you'll welcome me to the community. I'm eager to learn and contribute in any way I can.
I'd love to hear other people's stories and experiences. Perhaps we can learn from each other and provide some mutual support. I also served in the military for five years, so if that background is relevant to any discussions, I'm happy to share my experiences.
I hope you'll welcome me to the community. I'm eager to learn and contribute in any way I can.
Hi I’m Sally Mums Alzheimer’s has accelerated after three falls and we have made the difficult decision of putting her in respite going onto a permanent home. She’s refusing to eat and drink much won’t get out of bed and is very down. I feel so guilty it’s awful. I think I worry more now than ever. Sal
Please just both of you Nikki and Sal never think that what you post on here goes unread, if you want other people's stories you've come to the right place and guilt about a care home is often discussed, it is what it is and we are all here to help and advise if we can. K
Hello Nick @Nikki Rad and welcome to posting, the forum has a wealth of useful information about all things dementia related plus a lot of friendly support and shared experience from other members. People are always happy to help if they can, and you are very welcome to join in with conversations, start your own threads or contribute in whatever way suits you best.
Hello Sally @longtallsally001 sorry to hear about your mum. It's common for falls/injuries/hospital admissions to cause a downturn in someone with dementia but it's very hard when someone goes into care, both for the individual and their loved ones. I went through similar with my mum, along with many others here too, so we understand how you are feeling. Your mum has been through a lot and it will take time for her to settle, but you will find friendly support here, it's a safe place to talk about how you are feeling, you won't be alone here.
Hello, this is my first post on here & looking for some advice please.
My Mum, who is 85, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's just over 2 years ago although it was evident before then & the lock downs really seemed to accelerate it. My Dad is 90 & cares for her at home although we have carers who come in the mornings to help her get up, though half the time she is up before the carers arrive! She no longer recognises me or believes she has a daughter. Sometimes she doesn't recognise or believe that Dad is her husband either. She also believes that her parents are still alive & has no understanding of anything.
We have booked for Mum to go into respite for a week in August so that my Dad can come to my daughter's wedding. This will be the first time that Mum has gone into respite & Dad is really anxious about it. He is really worried about getting her there as she can be awkward & stubborn by nature anyway. He's concerned about getting her belongings ready & how to deal with the questions & also about her eating whilst she is in respite & how the care home will cope with that. She is diabetic & has become quite fussy about her food especially her dinners which she hardly eats, but give her something sweet to eat & there is no problem! (She used to be so good with her diet due to the diabetes).
Any advice/tip would be most welcome.
My Mum, who is 85, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's just over 2 years ago although it was evident before then & the lock downs really seemed to accelerate it. My Dad is 90 & cares for her at home although we have carers who come in the mornings to help her get up, though half the time she is up before the carers arrive! She no longer recognises me or believes she has a daughter. Sometimes she doesn't recognise or believe that Dad is her husband either. She also believes that her parents are still alive & has no understanding of anything.
We have booked for Mum to go into respite for a week in August so that my Dad can come to my daughter's wedding. This will be the first time that Mum has gone into respite & Dad is really anxious about it. He is really worried about getting her there as she can be awkward & stubborn by nature anyway. He's concerned about getting her belongings ready & how to deal with the questions & also about her eating whilst she is in respite & how the care home will cope with that. She is diabetic & has become quite fussy about her food especially her dinners which she hardly eats, but give her something sweet to eat & there is no problem! (She used to be so good with her diet due to the diabetes).
Any advice/tip would be most welcome.
Welcome to the forum @nicolajane67.
I'm sorry to read about your mum, it must be quite a worry for you. I'm glad you've found this forum as I'm sure others who have had similar experiences will share these with you.
I can understand that your dad must feel anxious. I wondered if it would be worth giving the Admiral Nurse helpline a call. I'm sure they would be able to give you some good tips.
www.dementiauk.org
I'm sorry to read about your mum, it must be quite a worry for you. I'm glad you've found this forum as I'm sure others who have had similar experiences will share these with you.
I can understand that your dad must feel anxious. I wondered if it would be worth giving the Admiral Nurse helpline a call. I'm sure they would be able to give you some good tips.
What is an Admiral Nurse and how can they help?
Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.
www.dementiauk.org
Hi @nicolajane67 and welcome to the Forum. When my wife went into respite I did not tell her anything. I packed her stuff in secret and on the day went out cycling as usual. I had arranged with her weekly carer/befriender that she would take my wife to the respite centre, again without telling her anything. For subsequent stays I dropped her off myself. The staff recognised her and invited her in for a cup of tea, which made it possible for me to hand over her suitcase with no fuss.
Respite is an important part of looking after someone with dementia. Not saying anything about it in advance helps to lessen the chance of objections or outright refusal.
Respite is an important part of looking after someone with dementia. Not saying anything about it in advance helps to lessen the chance of objections or outright refusal.
Hello and welcome from me AnnP.
People do progress at different rates, I cared for my wife and mum for over 10 years and where my wife declined rapidly mum was just a bit forgetful.
It always worth getting him checked out for any infection the most common one being a urinary tract infection (UTI) specially if it's a very rapid change. K
People do progress at different rates, I cared for my wife and mum for over 10 years and where my wife declined rapidly mum was just a bit forgetful.
It always worth getting him checked out for any infection the most common one being a urinary tract infection (UTI) specially if it's a very rapid change. K
Hhello,my husband was diagnosed 3 weeks ago he is 61.We have 3 grown up children and 6 grandkids.To say it was a shock is a understatement.
Hello @BendyWendy welcome to the support forum although I’m sure it’s the last place in the world you would choose to be.
Dementia is bad enough but in younger people it`s even more devastating
How is your husband now? Is he still able to work or will he have to retire?
I do hope you will feel supported here. The diagnosis has been made, there is no going back. All you can do is make the most of every day and hope for a slow progression. .
Dementia is bad enough but in younger people it`s even more devastating
How is your husband now? Is he still able to work or will he have to retire?
I do hope you will feel supported here. The diagnosis has been made, there is no going back. All you can do is make the most of every day and hope for a slow progression. .
Hi, I'm Chriss, I've just signed up today...I just don't know where to start 😵💫 Hoping to get some advice to set up a structured plan to help my Mum.
Thanks in advance xx
Thanks in advance xx
Hi,
First time post. I've signed up for some potential advice and as an outlet. I tend to be verbose so apologies for the length.
My nan (86) has been diagnosed with Parkinsons with dementia coming alongside as a side effect.
She's having a lot of trouble with her words and communication in general as a result of both things combined I would guess? She's had a couple speech therapy sessions but she doesn't seem to like/enjoy them very much.
She's doing a lot of the things that come up when you look at symptoms of dementia, constantly fiddling with things, getting everything out and "sorting" it out (which just means moving it around and unsorting it unfortunately), general restlessness and her time seems to be shifted a bit as well.
The docs have said regarding her physical health that she needs to relax more but unfortunately that's never been her mindset and seems to be the one thing that's survived, she gets up very early, always wants everything done her way (so she won't ask someone to do something, she'll try and do it herself), doesn't want to bother anyone, etc.
Our family kinda isn't great at talking to each other or acting the way you'd generally want a family to respond to things like this unfortunately. Her other kids (so my uncles and aunts) are kinda sticking their heads in the sand, acting like everything is normal and my mum is stuck having to act as the only one actually responding as needed, which is adding a lot of stress and obviously, she can't do it all, physically or mentally.
The thing that's prompted me to join the site is that my mum basically just had a breakdown to me about how under it she feels which came as a bit of knock on my head that I need to step up and we need to have a family discussion about what the others can do more of to spread the load.
First time post. I've signed up for some potential advice and as an outlet. I tend to be verbose so apologies for the length.
My nan (86) has been diagnosed with Parkinsons with dementia coming alongside as a side effect.
She's having a lot of trouble with her words and communication in general as a result of both things combined I would guess? She's had a couple speech therapy sessions but she doesn't seem to like/enjoy them very much.
She's doing a lot of the things that come up when you look at symptoms of dementia, constantly fiddling with things, getting everything out and "sorting" it out (which just means moving it around and unsorting it unfortunately), general restlessness and her time seems to be shifted a bit as well.
The docs have said regarding her physical health that she needs to relax more but unfortunately that's never been her mindset and seems to be the one thing that's survived, she gets up very early, always wants everything done her way (so she won't ask someone to do something, she'll try and do it herself), doesn't want to bother anyone, etc.
Our family kinda isn't great at talking to each other or acting the way you'd generally want a family to respond to things like this unfortunately. Her other kids (so my uncles and aunts) are kinda sticking their heads in the sand, acting like everything is normal and my mum is stuck having to act as the only one actually responding as needed, which is adding a lot of stress and obviously, she can't do it all, physically or mentally.
The thing that's prompted me to join the site is that my mum basically just had a breakdown to me about how under it she feels which came as a bit of knock on my head that I need to step up and we need to have a family discussion about what the others can do more of to spread the load.
Hello and firstly welcome @Slightlytallman to this friendly and supportive forum. There is lots of shared experience of dementia to be found here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Nan , and her recent diagnosis. It's tough for sure. Never worry about being verbose on here - if you need to do a longish post then that's absolutely fine.
It does sound like more of the family need to step up, as you put it, to help care and support your Nan and you! You cannot do all this caring and worrying about your Nan alone. Your own physical and mental wellbeing is important in all of this too. Sadly I have read on this forum before, about family members either disappearing, not wanting to get involved, or denying that there is anything wrong. Please try to do this family discussion sooner rather than later. With this disease, now is the best your Nan will be, and she likely will need more care in the middle to longer term perhaps.
I am sorry to read about your Nan , and her recent diagnosis. It's tough for sure. Never worry about being verbose on here - if you need to do a longish post then that's absolutely fine.
It does sound like more of the family need to step up, as you put it, to help care and support your Nan and you! You cannot do all this caring and worrying about your Nan alone. Your own physical and mental wellbeing is important in all of this too. Sadly I have read on this forum before, about family members either disappearing, not wanting to get involved, or denying that there is anything wrong. Please try to do this family discussion sooner rather than later. With this disease, now is the best your Nan will be, and she likely will need more care in the middle to longer term perhaps.
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