Say hello and introduce yourself

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NCT

New member
Jan 31, 2024
4
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New here so saying hello! 👋
My Mother is 76 years old and currently going through the process of diagnosis following some rapidly progressing symptoms. Hoping that I can make some sense of it all and get a bit of support through contact with others who are going through the same/similar situation x
 

Netster

New member
Jan 29, 2024
3
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Welcome @Netster

It`s good you have LPA for your parents. It enables you to make decisions in their best interests and the authorities will attend to you.

I would push for a diagnosis. They are obviously living in a state of flux and unable to do anything about it for themselves.

I would discuss it with your mum rather than your dad and tell her how concerned you are for them and want to try to get some help to make life easier for them.
Thanks @Grannie G - I will speak to my mom and contact the doctors to find out next steps for diagnosis, but also whether there might be a UTI or some other physical issue causing the rapid decline in dad‘s memory. So grateful that this forum and organisation exist. Thanks to all who volunteer.
 

bagrat

Registered User
Nov 22, 2006
22
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North Yorkshire
Hi there!

I guess you can call me Vio here. I'm 30, female.

My mom is 71 and has vascular dementia. She was a fairly recent breast cancer survivor so I just thought it was the 'chemo brain' going on for way too long, until my family and I realized it wasn't.

My mom was always what I would call a 'bawse', for lack of a better term. She worked as a stock broker for many years, was incredibly smart, beautiful, classy, charismatic, perceptive and a bit artistic too. I looked up to her a lot.

At least, that's how I used to know her. The person she is now just doesn't feel like my mom anymore. She barely does anything all day long except sit there and doze off to whatever's on tv, and even then she's not that engaged. She has little to no initiative, and that perceptiveness I once saw is totally gone. Working memory is out of the question, and even her handwriting, once neat, resembles how someone would write with their non-dominant hand. I feel like she has a lot of trouble reading stuff too even though she had laser eye surgery and has glasses that she never wears. When one thinks about how much of day to day life today involves reading, especially off a screen, it's a lot of trouble for her and it's isolating too.

Whenever I try to get her to tell me what exactly what she has trouble with, I feel like she acts like a teenager would if they wanted a parent to just go away, if that makes sense. As a result it's hard for me to adapt to what she needs accordingly, and it's really frustrating for her and for me.

If something is inconveniencing her or bothering her, she doesn't do anything about it.
All this isn't the mom I know.

I find myself feeling frustrated at the imposter walking around in my mom's skin, even though I tell myself it's not her fault.

I know all this is hard on my dad too, and my older sister, even though she seems to be less bothered by the whole thing than me, but I digress. It makes me terrified of getting older, and hasn't been good for my mental health even though I know I should be a good, patient, compassionate daughter that's ready to drop everything and support my mom no matter what.

Anyway that's why I'm here.

I just don't know what to do
I really feel for you. You describe how it seems to you so well. I feel the same regarding my husband. Although neurologist has referred to memory clinic, it's a 6 -9 month wait. I still expect the same reactions and although he functions well day to day it's a different man.
You say you dont know what to do. There is lots of help on here and more importantly people who understand how helpless you feel.
 

Corbusiette

New member
Feb 1, 2024
1
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Hello, wish I had found this forum a year ago!

My mom lost her husband a year ago almost to the day. I knew she was a little foggy a year ago, but, wow in the last year she has really deteriorated rapidly. I am her only child, she has no siblings, and I live 4 hours away and have one child still at home that needs care. Fortunately my husband is very supportive but it breaks my heart that she really has no one left and I can only be there a few days every couple of weeks. She has excellent care and is well provided-for and I am thankful that we have financial resources but I just feel whatever I do, I should be doing more. And, it’s hard to confront our own mortality (I’m like….is this me in 24 years?)

From what I can tell, she is in late stage dementia. Any advice as to how I can best help her is very welcome and TIA.
 
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