Hi there!
I guess you can call me Vio here. I'm 30, female.
My mom is 71 and has vascular dementia. She was a fairly recent breast cancer survivor so I just thought it was the 'chemo brain' going on for way too long, until my family and I realized it wasn't.
My mom was always what I would call a 'bawse', for lack of a better term. She worked as a stock broker for many years, was incredibly smart, beautiful, classy, charismatic, perceptive and a bit artistic too. I looked up to her a lot.
At least, that's how I used to know her. The person she is now just doesn't feel like my mom anymore. She barely does anything all day long except sit there and doze off to whatever's on tv, and even then she's not that engaged. She has little to no initiative, and that perceptiveness I once saw is totally gone. Working memory is out of the question, and even her handwriting, once neat, resembles how someone would write with their non-dominant hand. I feel like she has a lot of trouble reading stuff too even though she had laser eye surgery and has glasses that she never wears. When one thinks about how much of day to day life today involves reading, especially off a screen, it's a lot of trouble for her and it's isolating too.
Whenever I try to get her to tell me what exactly what she has trouble with, I feel like she acts like a teenager would if they wanted a parent to just go away, if that makes sense. As a result it's hard for me to adapt to what she needs accordingly, and it's really frustrating for her and for me.
If something is inconveniencing her or bothering her, she doesn't do anything about it.
All this isn't the mom I know.
I find myself feeling frustrated at the imposter walking around in my mom's skin, even though I tell myself it's not her fault.
I know all this is hard on my dad too, and my older sister, even though she seems to be less bothered by the whole thing than me, but I digress. It makes me terrified of getting older, and hasn't been good for my mental health even though I know I should be a good, patient, compassionate daughter that's ready to drop everything and support my mom no matter what.
Anyway that's why I'm here.
I just don't know what to do