I am feeling very lost and so thought joining you all might be a good idea. I live in this very small town in my house alone but my sister lives behind me. This was my sole reason for buying the house in the first place! She is not a patient woman but is doing her best, I suppose. I find it very hadd wrestling with the fact that I have this illness - how long it will take before I am resigned to it, I don't know. It's been about two years since I found out. I was coasting along, living in a nice house with my mother and my dog and cat and then my mother found out that my sister had gone to visit one of her children in a very small town - tiny. I lived on the suburbs of Sydney and have nearly always been used to city life. I love city life and it was a bit of a wrench to move to the burbs but I managed it okay. Then, my sister, who was living alone as she had broken up with her husband, took off for this little town of Binnaway, which I personally had never heard of before, that's how tiny it was. My mother had gone up to be with her as her marriage was breaking down! I, who had given up working about a year before, decided to go up and find out what was going on. By the time I got up there, I found out that my mother was ill and had been taken to hospital. (She later passed away about a week after I arrived up there. Terrible shock for me and I know I will miss her forever. Anyway, here I was stuck up there with this horrible news. We buried her with many tears (which have never really left me - I miss her so). I found out my sister's marriage had broken up, he had a girlfriend and so their divorce was finalised. I was merely an onlooker of so much unhapiness, both my own grief losing my mother and feeling so sorry for my sister.
I was very close to my mother and it hit me hard. I decided to stay in this little town of Binnaway. I felt so lost and mum was buried there. I decided to sell my my house in Sydney and buy one in this little town of Binnaway where my sister was living so that I had somebody to talk to, really, and I wasn't ready to leave my mother on her own there on that lonely hill in Binnaway. Then a house behind my sister came up for sale and I bought it, sold my other house and started to settle down living by mysel, which I hate. I've always hated living by myself and not knowing anybody. I tend to be shy with new people, etd etc.
I have been here now about three years. I found out I had Altheimers about 9 months ago. We thought it was just the sadness of losing mum and I didnt like being so far away from the city and life as we know it, so to speak, I have never changed my opinion, I still feel the same, missing my mother. Then I started to show more signs of Altheimers and I visited a place in Coonabarabran (good old Aboerignal names, called Cooinda Nursing Home. They seemed to look after a lot of people who had this illness. Somebody suggested I go to see them. I had been thinking all my sadness was from losing Mum and being on my own and not living the life I had wanted to live. My sister then said one day, do you think you have Altheimers? I said no, of course not, but then as the months went by, it became more evident that I might have it. Now, I freely admit I DO have it in some form or other and feel very lonely as my sister helps me but becomes very impatient with me and I swear blind I will not go near her anymore and then she will pop over and invite me to dinner and so all my thoughts go through another change and I understand where she's coming from. My forgetfulness IS upsetting and I DO feel very lost and helpless, etc etc You all probably understand this. So I've been pottering around, trying to live a normal life (without my lovely car which I miss I miss every day) and I know I do have this awful illness. My sistr, Marilyn, cooks for me on Sundays and once during the week, lovely meals, she is a very talented cook. We still have disagr4ements, she still becomes very impatient with me and I try always to understand where she's coming from ..... but it's hard, isn't i t, so hard. I feel mad at myself but I had lots of sadness when I was a child and teenagerr to do with my mother's divorce and remarriage to someone else - both marriages were disasters one way or the other - and I worried nonstop for her safety many many times, trying to intercept their arguments and being told to stay out of it, etc etc etc.
So now, here I am - I've joined Cooinda as a patient but still live in my own home. Marilyn is improving and not losing patience with me quite so much .;....but I am lonely as M and I are so different from each other. I'm much more sensitive than her - she likes to be on her own - I hate it so my life is empty now, really. And now I've just lost my little dog, Molly! She was a tiny little girl, at least 16 years old - and I had her put down last Monday because she turned completely blind, was frightened on her own and followed me round best she could. I am lost without her. Oops, they're telling me to post my reply. Nice to get to know you all. Love Di
