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GeorgieW

Registered User
Mar 9, 2024
47
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Hi, My name is Georgie.

I gave a deathbed promise to my father in 2017 that I would look after my mother, so I now find myself as a full time carer for my mother who was formally diagnosed with mixed dementia on Monday 4th March 2024.
I have been battling to get her diagnosed after her short term memory went after a fall in late 2020

Unfortunately, I had to do an intervention November 2023 and she is now living in my 2 up and 2 down house along with her 2 remaining dogs and my 2 dogs. I am now in the process of clearing her house and getting it ready for sale - the downside is that her house is 4 hours from where I live so it's a little "interesting" at the moment as I have to pack her and 4 dogs into the car and drive up and spend the weekend packing her house while being accused of "throwing her stuff away"

On top of her issues, I also have a partner that suffers from anxiety and doesn't drive so I am "taxi driver" and 2 horses that require the usual level of care - which they are not getting because of her needs! . Oh and I am also holding down a full time job.
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
5,008
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Hello @GeorgieW and welcome. This is a supportive place and people are happy to offer advice and help if they can. I have to say that's certainly a lot that you have taken on - working full time, a partner with anxiety, 2 horses, 4 dogs and a mum with dementia. I can understand you wanting to keep to the promise you made to your dad, but it might be a good idea to perhaps see how the situation works out over several months first before leaving your job to become a full time carer, and also consider the impact it may have on your relationship as well as your income, pension etc. There's a lot to think about, so don't rule out getting professional care for mum too if you need too as you would still be looking after mum, and you need to look after yourself as your mum's needs will continue to increase. Having cleared out my mum's house to sell it I don't envy you having to do this whilst your mum is there as it may slow things down a lot! There are many here who are in the same boat, doing their best against an illness that doesn't come with an instruction manual, so I'm sure others will be along with their thoughts/suggestions too.
 

Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
2,166
0
South West UK
Hello and welcome @GeorgieW to this friendly and supportive forum from me also. There is lots of shared experience of dementia here from members that really do want to help.
Gosh, I agree totally with @Louise7 has already said. You have got an awful lot going on, and if you're not careful, you might wear yourself out. Then you will be of no support to your Mum.
I fully realise the deathbed promise you made to your Dad, but considering some sort of professional care/support for your Mum is definitely still looking after your Mum, so you will not be breaking that promise.
You are being brilliant, but I worry that your own health will suffer if you keep all these responsibilities going.....Please do have a careful, considered think about how and what is best for your Mum, but make that include what is best for you.
 

tanya90

New member
Mar 11, 2024
1
0
My Mom has probably had dementia for more than six years. Before my Dad died in 2018. At the end of 2021, I noticed issues with her memory. Medications, grocery purchases, lack of organization that she had in the house. Then I had a house fire and lost my partner, too. I lived with my Mom while my house was being rebuilt. I realized just how much had changed for her. Her life was scary, she was scared to be by herself. She asked to live with me once I moved back. So we did, December 2022. In March 2024, neurologist upgraded to moderate dementia, differential diagnosis is Alzheimers. I now am Mom's POA., I am an only child. And my Mom's sister died from early onset Alzheimers in November 2023, Mom was her POA, too. There is so much more. This is our life in a nutshell.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,698
0
Kent
Welcome @tanya90

It sounds as if you have had a lot to contend with and I hope you will find support on this forum.

To enable you to access your support more easily I suggest you start your own Thread in the section I care for a person with dementia, which is here.

 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
75,842
0
73
Dundee
Welcome from me too @tanya90.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation. I’m glad you’ve found this forum. It’s an excellent place to come form support and understanding.
 

GeorgieW

Registered User
Mar 9, 2024
47
0
Hello @GeorgieW and welcome. This is a supportive place and people are happy to offer advice and help if they can. I have to say that's certainly a lot that you have taken on - working full time, a partner with anxiety, 2 horses, 4 dogs and a mum with dementia. I can understand you wanting to keep to the promise you made to your dad, but it might be a good idea to perhaps see how the situation works out over several months first before leaving your job to become a full time carer, and also consider the impact it may have on your relationship as well as your income, pension etc. There's a lot to think about, so don't rule out getting professional care for mum too if you need too as you would still be looking after mum, and you need to look after yourself as your mum's needs will continue to increase. Having cleared out my mum's house to sell it I don't envy you having to do this whilst your mum is there as it may slow things down a lot! There are many here who are in the same boat, doing their best against an illness that doesn't come with an instruction manual, so I'm sure others will be along with their thoughts/suggestions too.
Oh, I am not looking to leave my Job, its the only thing paying the bills
 

Jesslouise

New member
Mar 13, 2024
3
0
Hi, I’m jess and I’m 26 from Belfast. I help support my Granda who is only 71 and has been living with dementia for last 5/6 years. We have been very close from the minute I was born, it breaks my heart watching this disease take him away bit by bit. I have been diagnosed last year with an autoimmune disease and have to try keep my stress down due to flare ups but it is so so hard to do that when I am constantly worried about him. He lives independently (apart from medication and meals through family)
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,986
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Hi, I’m jess and I’m 26 from Belfast. I help support my Granda who is only 71 and has been living with dementia for last 5/6 years. We have been very close from the minute I was born, it breaks my heart watching this disease take him away bit by bit. I have been diagnosed last year with an autoimmune disease and have to try keep my stress down due to flare ups but it is so so hard to do that when I am constantly worried about him. He lives independently (apart from medication and meals through family)
Hello @Jesslouise and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your Granda’s dementia and also your own health problems. Your love for your Granda shines through your post. It’s good that he is still living quite independently and hopefully that will go on for many years. Please keep posting on the forum if you need any advice or even just want to express how you feel.
 

Gosling

Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
2,166
0
South West UK
Hello @Jesslouise and welcome from me also to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Granda's dementia. Great that he is able to still live independently.
Members on this forum really do want to help, and even if you want to let off a bit of steam too that's fine. And you'll also find true understanding.
 

Jesslouise

New member
Mar 13, 2024
3
0
Hello @Jesslouise and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your Granda’s dementia and also your own health problems. Your love for your Granda shines through your post. It’s good that he is still living quite independently and hopefully that will go on for many years. Please keep posting on the forum if you need any advice or even just want to express how you feel.

Hello @Jesslouise and welcome from me also to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Granda's dementia. Great that he is able to still live independently.
Members on this forum really do want to help, and even if you want to let off a bit of steam too that's fine. And you'll also find true understanding.
Thank you so much your lovely words. It is his birthday today so we got to spend some nice time with him, even though he’s maybe not the same as he used to be , there is still parts of his wee personality that shine through
 

lookingforsupport

New member
Mar 15, 2024
1
0
Hello. Thank you for accepting me. My mum has early dementia - we believe. Despite her physio team speaking to me about Mum's memory and her going to memory clinic, she denies anything is wrong, She refuses to allow me to my sister to attend appointments with her. So I've joined looking for support on how to support my mum and to hear from others with a similar situation.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,698
0
Kent
Welcome to the Dementia Support Forum @lookingforsupport

It`s best not to refer to your mother`s diagnosis. If she has memory loss it`s all right to refer to it as long as it doesn't upset her. If it does upset her, leave it alone.

If her physio team are happy to speak to you about her memory get as much information from them as you can.

Does your mum have a diagnosis or is she still being tested?
 

DiiS

New member
Mar 15, 2024
5
0
Hello all, I am Delyse and live in Oz (Ausralia) I am just turned 83 so still quite young as you can see! I I seem to have landed in a very small town in Oz where there is hardlyy anywhere to go socially. Saving grace and reason for coming here? My sister lives next door, so like it or not, I am now her neighbour and have someone to talk to. She moved here to get away from everything so when I plonked myself next door to her, she was not best pleased (stealing a line from our late Queen Liz). Anyway, she is now my go-to person if I feel depressed about all this. I am also a member of a place called C****** (Aussie name) who drive me to different places and helop me clean my house, etc etc. I love to write so feel free!
 
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DiiS

New member
Mar 15, 2024
5
0
Welcome to the Dementia Support Forum @lookingforsupport

It`s best not to refer to your mother`s diagnosis. If she has memory loss it`s all right to refer to it as long as it doesn't upset her. If it does upset her, leave it alone.

If her physio team are happy to speak to you about her memory get as much information from them as you can.

Does your mum have a diagnosis or is she still being tested?
 

DiiS

New member
Mar 15, 2024
5
0
Hello all, I am Delyse Smith and live in Oz (Ausralia) I am just turned 83 so still quite young as you can see! I I seem to have landed in a very small town in Oz where there is hardlyy anywhere to go socially. Saving grace and reason for coming here? My sister lives next door, so like it or not, I am now her neighbour and have someone to talk to. She moved here to get away from everything so when I plonked myself next door to her, she was not best pleased (stealing a line from our late Queen Liz). Anyway, she is now my go-to person if I feel depressed about all this. I am also a member of a place called Cooinda (Aussie name) who drive me to different places and helop me clean my house, etc etc. I love to write so feel free!
 

DiiS

New member
Mar 15, 2024
5
0
I dont know how my mother got into the story but I meant to say exactly how you have edited it! Thank you.
 

DiiS

New member
Mar 15, 2024
5
0
I am feeling very lost and so thought joining you all might be a good idea. I live in this very small town in my house alone but my sister lives behind me. This was my sole reason for buying the house in the first place! She is not a patient woman but is doing her best, I suppose. I find it very hadd wrestling with the fact that I have this illness - how long it will take before I am resigned to it, I don't know. It's been about two years since I found out. I was coasting along, living in a nice house with my mother and my dog and cat and then my mother found out that my sister had gone to visit one of her children in a very small town - tiny. I lived on the suburbs of Sydney and have nearly always been used to city life. I love city life and it was a bit of a wrench to move to the burbs but I managed it okay. Then, my sister, who was living alone as she had broken up with her husband, took off for this little town of Binnaway, which I personally had never heard of before, that's how tiny it was. My mother had gone up to be with her as her marriage was breaking down! I, who had given up working about a year before, decided to go up and find out what was going on. By the time I got up there, I found out that my mother was ill and had been taken to hospital. (She later passed away about a week after I arrived up there. Terrible shock for me and I know I will miss her forever. Anyway, here I was stuck up there with this horrible news. We buried her with many tears (which have never really left me - I miss her so). I found out my sister's marriage had broken up, he had a girlfriend and so their divorce was finalised. I was merely an onlooker of so much unhapiness, both my own grief losing my mother and feeling so sorry for my sister.

I was very close to my mother and it hit me hard. I decided to stay in this little town of Binnaway. I felt so lost and mum was buried there. I decided to sell my my house in Sydney and buy one in this little town of Binnaway where my sister was living so that I had somebody to talk to, really, and I wasn't ready to leave my mother on her own there on that lonely hill in Binnaway. Then a house behind my sister came up for sale and I bought it, sold my other house and started to settle down living by mysel, which I hate. I've always hated living by myself and not knowing anybody. I tend to be shy with new people, etd etc.

I have been here now about three years. I found out I had Altheimers about 9 months ago. We thought it was just the sadness of losing mum and I didnt like being so far away from the city and life as we know it, so to speak, I have never changed my opinion, I still feel the same, missing my mother. Then I started to show more signs of Altheimers and I visited a place in Coonabarabran (good old Aboerignal names, called Cooinda Nursing Home. They seemed to look after a lot of people who had this illness. Somebody suggested I go to see them. I had been thinking all my sadness was from losing Mum and being on my own and not living the life I had wanted to live. My sister then said one day, do you think you have Altheimers? I said no, of course not, but then as the months went by, it became more evident that I might have it. Now, I freely admit I DO have it in some form or other and feel very lonely as my sister helps me but becomes very impatient with me and I swear blind I will not go near her anymore and then she will pop over and invite me to dinner and so all my thoughts go through another change and I understand where she's coming from. My forgetfulness IS upsetting and I DO feel very lost and helpless, etc etc You all probably understand this. So I've been pottering around, trying to live a normal life (without my lovely car which I miss I miss every day) and I know I do have this awful illness. My sistr, Marilyn, cooks for me on Sundays and once during the week, lovely meals, she is a very talented cook. We still have disagr4ements, she still becomes very impatient with me and I try always to understand where she's coming from ..... but it's hard, isn't i t, so hard. I feel mad at myself but I had lots of sadness when I was a child and teenagerr to do with my mother's divorce and remarriage to someone else - both marriages were disasters one way or the other - and I worried nonstop for her safety many many times, trying to intercept their arguments and being told to stay out of it, etc etc etc.

So now, here I am - I've joined Cooinda as a patient but still live in my own home. Marilyn is improving and not losing patience with me quite so much .;....but I am lonely as M and I are so different from each other. I'm much more sensitive than her - she likes to be on her own - I hate it so my life is empty now, really. And now I've just lost my little dog, Molly! She was a tiny little girl, at least 16 years old - and I had her put down last Monday because she turned completely blind, was frightened on her own and followed me round best she could. I am lost without her. Oops, they're telling me to post my reply. Nice to get to know you all. Love Di
 
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