Moved house and at breaking point

BeeBeeDee

Registered User
Apr 19, 2023
140
0
We moved house at the weekend, we had had the new house for a few weeks before moving in so alot of our stuff had already moved here and we had decorating etc done.
But on Saturday we actually moved in and I am on the verge of moving out (on my own).
My husband is 6 months after diagnosis and in early stages but going down hill recently. He doesnt think there is anything wrong with him which makes things worse for me really.
Obviously everything is in a new place and I am having to remember where everything is. I have post it notes on the kitchen cupboards which help him very slightly.
Because we are in a new house he now doesnt know basic things that he did easily in the old house - like we don't take milk in our tea, or we have cereal for breakfast and not toast, like the dog needs taking out for a walk or rubbish needs to go in a bin - the list goes on.
I just feel so overwhelmed by everything that I am having to do on my own I literally screamed the place down earlier on (my throat hurts as a result). Trying to figure out how to work the new appliances, trying to deal with workmen, dealing with paperwork, with putting things away, with finding things, with cleaning up after the workmen (who are outside and therefore everytime we go out we are tramping dirt into the house, well I aren't because I take my shoes off in the doorway but husband doesnt remember to do that). Well with Everything really. I know that I am completely not the only one in this boat but right now I feel I am at breaking point and don't know how much more I can take
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,433
0
South coast
Hello @BeeBeeDee

Changing location - holiday, moving home or a care home, always shines a cruel light on the PWDs abilities. They can no longer do things by rote, because everything is different.

He will settle, but it will take time for him to learn new things. In the meantime, try and do things that will make your life easier for you and dont worry about things that arnt actually necessary. You could always hide a few boxes in another room and open when you are ready
 

JaxG

Registered User
May 15, 2021
839
0
I have had similar issues. We moved 3 years ago, about 6 months after my husband's diagnosis. He had been getting increasingly aggressive, but the move made things much worse and he became very agitated and angry, exacerbated by the fact we had to have work done like a new kitchen and I had to decorate every room . A few days after we moved in he shouted at me for several hours because he didn't have any wine!! My OH has been a very aggressive dementia patient and the move exacerbated everything - I can't say that he ever really calmed down until he was prescribed anti psychotic medication, but he is comfortable in the flat now and can still find his way around. Unfortunately I am about to move again - my daughters now live within half an hour of each other and my brother in law and my plan is to move closer to them. I have exhausted the limited support on offer here and just can't manage on my own any more. I know it's going to be a struggle but life has been a struggle for so long that things can't be any worse than they are now.
 

SeaGirl

Registered User
Nov 23, 2023
25
0
Hi @BeeBeeDee
I hope that 6 months down the line, things have settled into some kind of new normality and life is easier on you both. We have just moved (my husband has LBD) so I can really understand why you felt as you did. It's a nightmare and, realistically, no-one understands how hard it is. There really is no other way to describe it. I just keep reassuring us both that it WILL improve in time.
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
579
0
I have had similar issues. We moved 3 years ago, about 6 months after my husband's diagnosis. He had been getting increasingly aggressive, but the move made things much worse and he became very agitated and angry, exacerbated by the fact we had to have work done like a new kitchen and I had to decorate every room . A few days after we moved in he shouted at me for several hours because he didn't have any wine!! My OH has been a very aggressive dementia patient and the move exacerbated everything - I can't say that he ever really calmed down until he was prescribed anti psychotic medication, but he is comfortable in the flat now and can still find his way around. Unfortunately I am about to move again - my daughters now live within half an hour of each other and my brother in law and my plan is to move closer to them. I have exhausted the limited support on offer here and just can't manage on my own any more. I know it's going to be a struggle but life has been a struggle for so long that things can't be any worse than they are now.
Ah Jax that’s so tough! I can understand your need to move closer to your family, let’s hope the upheaval doesn’t make your husband any worse. You need a lot of help living this difficult life ❤️❤️❤️xx
 

JaxG

Registered User
May 15, 2021
839
0
Ah Jax that’s so tough! I can understand your need to move closer to your family, let’s hope the upheaval doesn’t make your husband any worse. You need a lot of help living this difficult life ❤️❤️❤️xx
Things have moved on since then. Slow housing market means we haven't moved, but OH has deteriorated so much in last few months that it's for the best. A move would have meant a new local authority and another battle to get support. My husband is in respite and I have told them I can no longer care for him, he needs more support than I can give him. I am exhausted, but more importantly, his quality of life is suffering.
 

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