on duty 24 hours a day!

[Margaret79]

Morning Elaine. Hope your visit goes well this morning, will hold you in my thoughts and heart.

Sorry to hear about so called "friend". It's interesting and painful how some people react to various situstions isn't it. I certainly wouldn't want anything to do with her, hopefully she'll get the message if you don't open the door. Maybe one day when you feel stronger you'll be able to tell her how you feel, no need to do it now. Wait for the right time for you, after all you're the one that counts here, you're SPECIAL remember??!!

Glad your house is like a florist shop, just goes to show how much people care and how SPECIAL you are. Truck loads of love and hugs on it's way to you. XXX

 

[sue38]

But it feels like now I'm no fun and can't be useful to her I don't count

Been there and got THAT t-shirt Elaine. You don't need the added stress of confrontation at the moment. Even if you do tell this so-called friend what you think of her lack of support, if she's anything like my former friends, she will try and turn it round so it's all about her. I would try and be polite, but make it clear you no longer want or need her as a 'friend'.

I hope you find Gary calmer today.

 

[larivy]

Hope your visit goes well today love larivy

 

[Grannie G]

Good morning Elaine

Hope each day becomes a bit more bearable.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hope your visit to Gary goes well. Agree with everyone about the so called friend. We had a few like that but gladly new more sincere friends have arrived in our lives - hope the same for you.

Best wishes

 

[creativesarah]

lots of support today
luv Sarah

 

[Jo1958]

Elaine, hi
I hope it's a good visit and how good that Gary's children are being supportive and visiting their dad.

Take good care of yourself, with kind regards from Jo

 

[flowerpot]

Hi Elaine, hope your visit goes well today. I too agree about your so called 'friend'. Take care xx

 

[creativesarah]

hope it goes well today
your friend is the loser!

 

[susiesue]

Hi Elaine
My closest friend who I had known for over 40 years (long before David), hasn't bee in touch with me since David died in December!!!! Yes, it does hurt!

Love

 

[Loopiloo]

I've felt so hurt by her being missing from my life Izzy, I really thought she was a special friend. But it feels like now I'm no fun and can't be useful to her I don't count

Like others I can empathise. Several friends have evaporated. But one of many years was special, she would say we were soulmates. I was always there for her through difficult times, it seemed natural, but now....

Like you I'm not confrontational, but what I feel like saying does go around in my head at times. It hurts but is it worth the energy we need for other things, and it would probably fall on deaf ears. So I stay dumb.

LOve
Loo xx

 

[elaine n]

It's not only me then with a friend who isn't really a friend. I'll deal with her later when I feel stronger, only recently she told someone how close we were!

Today's visit was only ok. gary was really pleased to see me when I arrived and when his other son and daughter in law got there he was pleased to see them too although he couldn't remember Mark's name. He's still hostile and unco operative with the staff, he hurt his elbow on the first night he was there because he was being aggressive and banging about and the dressing had slipped but he wouldn't let them change it until I suggested it might be a good idea then he let myself and a nurse put a new dressing on it as meek as a lamb. As the visit wore on he started questioning why he was there and asking me if I thought this was the best thing for him and on and on and his looks towards me were becoming hostile, I think he's beginning to blame me. At one point he suddenly turned to me and said ' I'd die for you, you know' very forcefully and he looks so hopeless and beaten. I can't bear it when I'm not with him and I can't bear it when I am to see him like that. Again today his nurse implied it was unlikely he'd come home again. I'm not going tomorrow, it crucifies me and I have an hour's drive home trying to keep myself together enough to drive safely, Paul's going so he'll see someone, we have a meeting there on Tuesday so I'll see him then. I thought I was stronger than this but I'm just a soggy wreck at the moment I keep wondering if I could have kept him at home if someone had done something to help me

 

[Jo1958]

Oh Elaine, hi
Yes, you could have kept Gary at home if you had two professionals with you 24/7 and a secretary to keep up with the bookkeeping and a nurse for the nursing care and a team of people to take care of the housework and a team of gardeners and dog walkers and friends to take care of you and two cooks working in tandom, so yes, it could have been done but.......

Well actually there isn't that much help available and you wouldn't have wanted that number of people in your house every day and night, so no.

Elaine, you couldn't have kept Gary at home no matter how much help you might have been offered, his care is beyond homecare and needs hospital care, for the moment, but you need to be sure that all that help is going to be there for you when he comes home.

I do so hope that the meeting on Tuesday goes well and you are happy with whatever the outcome is, thinking of you both, with kind regards from Jo

 

[danny]

Elaine,there are no services and nothing any one could have done to help you keep Gary at home whilst his behaviour was so erratic.He had to go in for this assessment.

Do not feel guilty because there wasn`t another option.

Its early days yet.Hopefully, there still maybe a chance that Gary could eventually come home once his medication is under contol.

Is there anyone you can talk to Elaine, I hate the thought of you alone facing all of this.

We are all here for you Elaine.

 

[elaine n]

I'd rather sit here and talk to you all, I don't think my words would come out if I tried to speak them and no body understands like TP

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Elaine.

Just a gentle reminder if thing get too much for you.

The Samaritans provide a Listening Service which might help. I expect you know but just in case.

You can talk to a volunteer face-to-face, contact your nearest branch. To find your nearest branch look in the phone book or on the website (below). Most branches are open for callers to drop in, but do check first.

Emotional Health listening services:

Telephone: 08457 90 90 90 (24 hours, seven days a week)

E jo@samaritans.org

W www.samaritans.org

 

[larivy]

I agree with Danny it's early days yet thinking of you both love larivy

 

[Sox]

Oh Elaine - I think Jo1958 has put it so well, you couldn't have possibly gone on any longer. You have made the right decision, Gary needs professional help to sort things out. I know we all want to keep our loved ones at home for as long as possible but there comes a time when, with our own health and safety at risk we have to say "enough is enough". It is so hard to give up caring isn't it - I am struggling on at the moment but have nowhere near the problems you faced. Hope you have a good rest tomorrow and a good meeting and visit on Tuesday. Take care. Sox

 

[Sue J]

Hi Elaine, am thinking abot you and I think you're amazing.

Sue
x

 

[BeckyJan]

Elaine, this bit got to me:

keep wondering if I could have kept him at home if someone had done something to help me

I still keep thinking this and know that if I had more support I could have managed a little longer at home. But 3 yrs later it is impossible and David has been cared for so wonderfully - whey beyond anything I could have done even with odd carers coming in here at home.

The 'one day at a time' is a helpful phrase, that is all you can do Elaine.

I have been through so much of the stuff you are experiencing - I wish I could help more, but can only say as time passes you wll be able to cope.

Take time for yourself - thinking of you. Best wishes