1. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,280
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi @Bikerbeth

    I remember this phase with my dad. He would either lose his keys or leave them in the front door so I couldn’t get in! I dread to think what would’ve happened if he’d been unable to get to the door. I solved the problem by fitting a thumb turn lock to the front door. This opens with a key from the outside but has a handle to turn on the inside - no key required! It’s easy to do and only took me about 5 minutes so a handyman shouldn’t charge much to do the job either.

    I also put a key safe outside so the carers could let themselves in.

    I had to put dad’s pills in a safe too!
     
  2. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,861
    Female
    I remember this phase too. To begin with my mother would let the carers in, and that worked well for about a year. But then she couldn't remember how to press the intercom to let them in the main door (she lived in an upstairs flat). She also regularly lost her keys, so two neighbours had keys, as did the agency themselves. The neighbours understandably got fed up with providing keys so the agency had a key safe installed, which the council provided free of charge.

    You're right it would be daft to leave the keys in the lock. Providing a key safe would mean your mother doesn't have to seek out her keys and the carers can always get in, as long as she doesn't leave the key in the lock of course.

    My mother was involved in various slightly alarming incidents in the three months before she moved to the care home. You congratulate yourself on fixing one problem only to be confronted by another.
     
  3. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    610
    @Bikerbeth, a key safe seems a very good idea, but I guess it depends on how much longer your mum will be living alone. It's a nightmare when those sort of problems start. Mum was very good usually about remembering to put her keys back in her bag, but there were odd times she put them down and then was convinced they were stolen. By the time we thought a key safe was probably necessary, mum already had a date to move to her care home, so we didn't bother. She did manage to lose her purse about a month before she moved, and couldn't understand why I had to cancel all her cards. She may have lost it when she went drinking with random men in the pub next door, one of the sort of alarming incidents I guess @Sirena is talking about.
     
  4. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,861
    Female
    @Sarasa my mother's alarming incidents were wandering outside in cold wet weather and getting lost (no bag/coat/keys), and trying to get into a car with a stranger - so along the same lines as your mother. She also had to traverse two flights of stone steps and I was really concerned she'd have a serious fall. She was lucky she had neighbours who rescued her, but not surprisingly they got fed up with it.
     
  5. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    Thank you. Yes we do have a key safe installed and that is why I was concerned about the carer telling Mum to leave the keys in the locks because then the keys in the key safe would not be able to be used
     
  6. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    [QUOTE="DesperateofDevon, post: 1670214, member: 80872"waking up stressed at what ridiculousness the home will come up with today I really sympathise.

    sometimes life just feels too daunting to continue, but we don’t have a choice really

    take care driving the weather is awful

    ((((((hugs))))))[/QUOTE]

    thank you for your hugs. I read your posts and I think my stresses are far less than yours. I went for 4 episodes of Doc Marten the other day just to switch the brain off
    Hugs back
     
  7. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    Thank you. I have never heard of a thumb turn lock. I will get OH to investigate. Did your Dad get the hang of it quickly - I assume Yes
     
  8. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    That is certainly so true.
    I think I am so lucky with Mum’s neighbour. She is a fantastic neighbour and totally understands the Alzheimers as her husband had it
     
  9. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    @Sarasa i guess I am just trying to muddle along until the Care home place comes available. I will do some reminder phone calls this week just to let them know we are still looking. There is a new care home opening at the start of December quite near me. Right at the top end of Mum’s budget but may have to consider it as they have spaces.
     
  10. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    After arriving to a grumpy Mum this morning sitting ready in best frock and coat on saying we were going to be late for her 90th birthday lunch with her friends (when in fact we had an hour before we needed to leave) she calmed down. Went to the Pub and met up with her friends. Such a difference from last week’s family birthday lunch. Her friends made such a big fuss of her and we had smiles and laughter and a few tears (understandable) I managed to get a couple of really good photos - one where Mum had such a wicked grin on her face as she cut her cake is absolutely brilliant. Certainly an afternoon to remember and I am so glad I arranged that one although she was really cross with me arranging it initially
     
  11. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,280
    Nottinghamshire

    Yes. He got the hang of it straight away and pretty soon forgot all about that door ever having a key!
     
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,821
    thank you for your hugs. I read your posts and I think my stresses are far less than yours. I went for 4 episodes of Doc Marten the other day just to switch the brain off
    Hugs back[/QUOTE]

    Diners Drive-ins & Dives!
    I’m addicted & best of all its on at 4 in the morning!!! Yay!
     
  13. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    610
    #193 Sarasa, Oct 27, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2019
    Glad you had a good time in the pub with your mum's friends, and that they are still there for her. My mum did that 'we're going to be late' thing rather a lot in the last few months at home. She could still tell the time on her analogue clock, but had lost the concept of what it meant. So at 10.30 she'd be wanting to go out for her exercise class that started at two five minutes walk away.

    Edited to say: It may be worth looking at the new place that is opening as getting in from the start might mean your mum gets the pick of rooms and helps to mould what goes on in the way of activities etc. My mum's home is about three years old and the longstanding residents certainly influence what goes on. You might try and negotiate a reduction in fees because its new and there might be teething troubles, but that might be my natural optimism coming through!
     
  14. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    Thanks for the tips as always re: new care home. @Sarasa
    Another thing I have noticed with Mum and time - she has gone back to saying 20 to 11 for example instead of 11 40. I am beginning to wonder if that is why she too is starting to have problems with digital clocks
     
  15. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    To solve the ‘AWOL’ keys issue I thought as a temporary measure I would put hooks by each door. Consequently I have spent several hours today and probably more tomorrow trying to get Mum to unlock & lock the doors. Among many other things this is what I find so frustrating about this illness - such a small change creates such total confusion.
    On the good side today we have managed to have a few laughs amongst the tears (mum having bad nightmares again) missing meds replaced, hopefully meds to be kept in locked safe to avoid double dosing/ missing tablets(need to discuss with care agency tomorrow) - mum agreed reluctantly although I know it will not be a smooth ride and I will be expecting many a phone call from worried Mum.
    Visiting new care home on Friday and she agreed in principle to try for a month providing this one is as good as the other one she liked. I think because she says she is bored and because she is getting frightened of being in her own she is willing to try. So trying to seize the moment. Already looking at posts regarding ‘best clothing etc labels’ :p
    Seriously just want her to be safe and content
     
  16. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,821
    have you accessed the daily log ins by carers - Dads home say I can’t have access to these
     
  17. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    Hi. I have access to the Carers logs now visiting Mum in her own home. I had to give them a copy of the LPA. She has not yet moved into a care home so no idea if that is different. Sorry
     
  18. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    #198 Bikerbeth, Oct 31, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2019
    One of the Carers put a note on Mum’s notes saying that she missed me. It brought a tear to my eye. Came up late afternoon to stay with Mum so we can visit a care home with vacancies tomorrow. She struggled with the keys to open the door for me and she made some very strange comments in conversations that I really did not understand what she was trying to say. I just made what I hoped were the appropriate responses. Her clothes are now uncoordinated. It just makes me sad to see how much has changed in the last 4 to 6 weeks. I really hope she likes the home tomorrow and agrees to try it. I am sure she will be happier, safer and less bored. Fingers crossed
     
  19. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    So we headed off to care home 5 today. Not ideal timing as they were having their official ‘opening’ day but it was the only day we could do. Apart from the petrol station ‘next door’ (which you can’t see from inside) generally Mum likes the home. I think Mum wants a room with doors opening onto the garden but I have suggested that upstairs would be better as she would have a nice view and it was a better area with only 16 rooms and 2 small lounges. I would still prefer Mum to go to one of the charity run ones but this one does come a reasonable 3rd and has spaces now.
     
  20. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    448
    Bedford
    Mum told me on the car journey back today that she should perhaps go in the home as I only see her every few weeks - I see her at least 2 days a week. She says she has nobody to talk to for days on end - carers twice a day and I ring twice a day. I guess the concept of time has gone. She smiled though when I said I had brought her a Belgium bun.
     

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