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it good to have a 'whinge' and totally allowed!How I hate still being awake at this time of night. Carer coming at 7.30 then the drive home for 24 hours to catch up there before coming back. Just wanted a whinge
My mum blamed it on her hearing but stopped wanting to go our for meals, and then could only cope if spoken to directly, and turned every bit of conversation round to herself or what she would have done in the same position (not great with small children).One of the first things I noticed with mum, before I realised she had dementia, was her inability to follow a conversation between a group of people.
Yes we will play it by ear. Mum has been down to mine for the last 5 years as the last time she went to my brothers she did not like it. It just would have been nice of him to ask. For various reasons it would only be the 3 of us so she might have a better time in a care homeHi @Bikerbeth. I'd play it by ear about what you do at Christmas. If your mum is in a care home by then I think taking her out would only confuse her. If she isn't be prepared for things to be tricky if you do take her to your place. My mum loved her Christmases at my brothers, and last year had invited her herself there by August, but when it came to it, she couldn't cope. There were quite a few of us there and she got very confused as to who we all were, she found the stairs tricky and was convinced we were deliberately freezing her. She thought my sister in law and her sister were the 'nice ladies' that had been paid to help for a start Then she thought her knees ached from the cold, when it was actually going up and down stairs, so assumed we were keeping the heating down to upset her. We weren't, we were all in t-shirts, while she had multiple layers and a hot water bottle.Dealing with a screaming mother was not fun, specially with a child in the house. This year she is in a home, hasn't mentioned Christmas yet, and even if she does there is no way I'm taking her out. What we will do is take her for a nice pub lunch between Christmas and New Year with as many of the family that can make it.
Glad you went out for a meal for your mum's birthday. I know how tricky it can be with a person with dementia when there are a few people to talk to. One of the first things I noticed with mum, before I realised she had dementia, was her inability to follow a conversation between a group of people. I thought she was being self-centred and rude, when in reality leading the conversation was the only way she could make sense of it all.
If it's working okay for the time being then I agree it sounds as if you've got a bit of leeway - if she's near the top of the list for the two favourites that's good news.@Sirena and @jugglingmum. Now I have a feel for what she does and does not like when we have gone round I am just taking her to one more tomorrow that was arranged a while ago. She is close to the top of the list for the 2 very good ones. Both charity ones with a very good reputation locally. The average to good one think they may have a space in November but in the residential part. There is a new one opening at the end of November which I will see a ‘sister’ place this week. Looking at ratings/feedback for the others in the group they are all positive and they will have a space. Not sure if a new one would be an issue. Not sure about the one we are visiting tomorrow. Although it seemed to tick a lot of boxes it did not have many activities going on. They did advise they were recruiting for 2 activities coordinators - one for residential and one for the dementia wing. It just seemed so lifeless compared to the others. I know Mum won’t want to be on the go all the time but ....... mum will have lunch with some of the other residents so it will be interesting to see what happens.
Do you think I need to go for more? Upping the visits from the carers to do the meds is working currently so I hoped that would give me a little more time.
People laughing - That is so obvious and so easy to overlook. One of the very good ones I was able to see some activities going on. One lady was not joining in and the staff quickly picked up on it, although I could not hear they seemed to try several tactics. Eventually one of the staff gave her a ‘toy’ cat to cuddle and just sat by her. But you are right Susan the group were laughing and the lady with the cat was smilingOne of the things helped me choose Mum's Care home was that as I walked up the path I could hear people laughing. I thought it would be a good sound for residents to hear
If you think this is working then you might be right. I think I was a bit concerned that they might have spaces soon is a how long is a piece of string .....Upping the visits from the carers to do the meds is working currently so I hoped that would give me a little more time.
Thank you for your concern. With none having beds available now obviously no time scales can be given except for the one that should be available mid:end Nov. One thing I am now clear on in my own mind is that if we get the phone call saying a room is available then Mum will be going. I am also ringing once a fortnight just to remind them I am still looking. The changes in the last few weeks are significant and when I read threads like Palerider it is incredible how quickly the situation can change. Thank you for your comments they are certainly helpful. I still wonder how you do it all when I read your postsIf you think this is working then you might be right. I think I was a bit concerned that they might have spaces soon is a how long is a piece of string .....
I have seen several posters over the years say they have put names down and when a place has come up said not quite yet, but once at the top of the list you get offered every place. The new routine might last a few months or longer, but the travelling through winter is going to be hard on you.
There is every chance something should come up before the end of February. My mum is in sheltered extra care flat (would need a care home if she wasn't already settled in ) and they said they always have vacancies in winter - as I was looking at the end of March they said once the flats available went I might have to wait until next winter.
Whinge away - I actually decided last night that I wouldn’t go on TP but watched the food channel! Between dementia dog ( old est mutt pulling the curtain rail & curtains out of the wall at 3am! The regular trips to let dementia dog out to go to the toilet, waking up stressed at what ridiculousness the home will come up with today I really sympathise.How I hate still being awake at this time of night. Carer coming at 7.30 then the drive home for 24 hours to catch up there before coming back. Just wanted a whinge