1. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    Thank you Sirena
    Your encouragement helped me and I have a happy Mum this evening as opposed to the Mum who cried for ages this morning when I arrived. We had another chat and she also agreed that it was a good idea to put her name down for Care Home 2. First choice home does not have a queued waiting list as such but currently have about 3 people eager to ‘go in’ including Mum. The Home has 2 residential ‘wings’, 1 early dementia and 1 late stage. From the initial assessment they are happy for Mum to go into one of the ‘residential’ wings but when a vacancy comes up they try and do the ‘best fit’ with existing residents in the rooms nearby. Hope that makes sense - seems a good idea on the whole. Home 2 seemed to think that Mum would be able to go in on a trial period by Mid November but of course no guarantees.
    Visit with GP (with Mum present) was interesting - after I explained increased agitation and tearfulness he started of with platitudes but I just sat there in silence with an expectant look on my face whilst Mum ‘waffled on’ I think maybe he realised I was not leaving until he took some action and eventually suggest that Mum could have a trial period on Mirtazapine 15mg for a month to see if it would help. Also got physio referral and XRay appointments for knee:)
     
  2. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,769
    Female
    Excellent, you are powering on through this - which is what you have to do. Well done on ensuring the GP took some action.

    It sounds as if CH1 can cater for all stages, which is good to know. I think all CH placements are for a 'trial period' to start with, my mother's was 4 weeks, as they want to ensure they have correctly assessed the person and can meet their needs.
     
  3. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    Good Day. Just found out that on second application Mum is going to get Attendance Allowance back dated to July. It really does confirm to get some assistance on the wording to put on the form, if like Mum at early stage when she had few obvious physical signs. The original application failed although Mum could not take her meds properly, cook or organise anything eg doctors appointments etc. So unfair.
    Anyway we had a cheap lovely breakfast lunch today and she brought herself a new duvet set. She decided she needed a new one because, although the current one was still good, it was a little outdated as she had made it with her Mum when she first got married. Her Mum died 40 years ago. Strange as the last few weeks she has mainly talked about her Dad.
    Mum eyes lit up when she saw we were near her favourite bakers but unfortunately there were no Belgium Buns to be had. Probably not a bad thing as she had just eaten a large portion of sticky toffee pudding and custard.
    Mum started the Mirtazapine tonight so hopefully that might help with the agitation and anxiety. Flu jab also done so just hope Mum will be ok in the morning as we need to head off early for a knee X-ray
     
  4. katydid

    katydid Registered User

    Oct 23, 2018
    49
    My husband has diabetes also. Recently we have lapsed,on his sugar free diet, and his blood sugar levels have stayed ok, so I can give the treats he likes so much.
    After 50 or so years drinking tea without sugar he informed the carer today. 2 sugars love! And thoroughly enjoyed,it!
     
  5. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    Not a good day. I got impatient and cross with Mum, she cried I cried but at least we have both forgotten about what this evening. I do remember her saying I made her feel like a small child being scolded. I feel so horrid but sometimes I just get so wound up. I can do the planning and organising but the caring is so hard. I have so much respect for others on this forum who Care day in and day out and try to learn but find the quality of patience so hard especially when it involves Mum’s safety. Managed to get through x ray and dental appointments with Mum smoothly. Thought (ha ha) she understood about the extra tablet to be taken at bedtime in her dossett pack. Travelled the 70 miles back home. Rang her to remind her to take her extra tablet to find out she was already in bed and forgotten about it. She took it and then told me a lot of other tablets had fallen out of the dossett pack. Having got delayed by traffic on the way home I was late to meet friend (who was visiting the area for one night) for dinner who had been slotted in before a meeting I had to go to. So I must admit at this point I just wanted a blub. Told Mum to gather them up and we would get it sorted tomorrow. Just need to work out how to get tablets up to chemist to sort out, get Mum to hairdressers - both 20 minute walks when she has a bad knee (and won’t use a taxi even if I arrange it) maybe quicker to drive back up there.
     
  6. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    So a few fun days with the Dossett Dilemma! Thank you to all who offered advise. Mum’s brilliant neighbour (whose husband had dementia) is currently housebound with fractured ankle very kindly got another neighbour who used to be a nurse to go and help for a few days with the morning tablets and a 20 min plus phone call from me has meant that Mum has taken the evening one. After Mum being adamant she would get it right shortly she has agreed today we can talk to the care company about the ‘ladies’ coming in to help her with her tablets, so it was a good job I have already arranged a meeting to review the care package on Monday. :oops:The carers themselves are excellent generally but who ever organises them does not seem the best. We were promised a max of 4 carers and we have had a least 12 so this will be discussed as well. Although on the phone they said they can do the last med call about 7.30 I am a little concerned it will creep forward.
    On the positive I am going to look at another Care Home next week - same company as one Mum had seen locally to her. If they build from new they do the same layout and I was impressed at what they had tried to do at the last one in the early dementia wing. If it is any good then I can take Mum along to see it as well as they do have a vacancy in 3 to 4 weeks time.
     
  7. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,769
    Female
    All sounds very positive. Hope the new CH fits the bill.

    You are right your mum should have a much smaller rota of carers from the agency, shame they seem to be falling down a bit on this. Do they have a system of having to log in and out when they are there? I know that is becoming quite common. My mother's agency didn't have that automatic system, they just emailed me the schedule in advance each each week, and then I got a full list of timings at the end of the month when I paid the invoice.
     
  8. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    Yes the carers do log in and out via mobiles and confirm what they have done. I was told I could have access to these records so I need to chase that again. To be honest I am just keeping my hopes on a Care Home and finding the right long term ‘solution’ rather than fighting the short term. A few issues at home so I feel there I need to direct my energy where it will be productive.
    Mum told me that she had been told she did not need to take any tablets this morning and said there was none in the dossett. Told me the chemist said so. I could not go up to her today so I just resigned myself that what will be will be. All blood pressure/heart tablets etc.
    On the good but sad side saw my best friend off on a semi world tour for 12 months. Sad she is going but so pleased for her
     
  9. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,769
    Female
    Yes best to focus on the longer term now, you have to look ahead. I just wondered if you had 'real time' access to check when the evening carer makes her call. My mother told the care agency she didn't need to take any tablets - seems a common theme. You just have to let some things go though, you can only do so much.

    Understandable that you have mixed feelings about your friend's trip, lovely for her but a bit sad for you.
     
  10. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    Just back from the 2 day visit. Mum agreed to Carers coming in a.m and p.m. to ensure she is ok taking her tablets so I stop worrying. We agreed if she could take the tablets without any issues for 4 weeks then they could be cancelled. I am hopping by this time she will be used to them coming in or a Care Home place will be available. Care company came out and all arranged. We have cancelled the Tue and Thur housekeeping calls of 1 hr each time and they are replaced by 30 mins a.m and p.m. I have talked to the Carer that came in today who is lovely and she suggested that I just create a checklist of cleaning to be done and the Carers can then fit in depending on the situation. As it is a small bungalow and Mum is not messy it can be given a general clean in an hour. Just need to muddle through this week. I also complained about the number of different Carers coming in and said it needed to improve. It was not fair on Mum. I will also get access to the carer logs so if they start coming to early in the evening or too late in the morning I can start causing a fuss. Seems like the policy generally is ‘those that shout loudest’ get their own way. Not surprised as this is mentioned so many times and it must be horrendous for anyone that does not have someone to champion their cause.
     
  11. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    After tears on the phone this morning due to tablet confusion I thought Mum came out with a very good description of her Alzheimers. She compared her memory and thoughts/appropriate word as like a fork full of spaghetti. You just get it all twisted round your fork and then it all falls off again and again and again :(
     
  12. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    115
    Female
    @Bikerbeth ....... fork full of spaghetti! hahaa love that .....perfect way to describe it
     
  13. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    Arrived at Mum’s late afternoon to a barrage of I can’t find this, who keeps moving this and a lot of I did not do its. Sorted out phone, tablets, creams, recycling and found some lost items in double time just so I could go to the loo after my journey. Calmer evening after and I just let her chatter on about the things I have heard a load of times before. She did say she was scared of going out now as she knew she could get to where she wanted to go but she worried she would forget how to get back home again :(
     
  14. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    So first day of carers coming in to do Mum’s meds’ was not a success. Had asked for visits between 8-9am (as Mum has a time sensitive tablet) and between 7-9pm at night (as tablet makes her drowsy) On arriving at Mum’s yesterday found today’s evening visit was scheduled for 5.30pm. The carer turned up at 5pm - she said she would wait in her car until 5.30pm but I said to her you might as well come in and have a cuppa. The carer was also surprised to find out it was to give ‘bedtime’ meds. As I was staying tonight I said to carer to go ahead and give the tablets so I could see what happened. Mum goes to bed at 9pm and rarely naps in the evening. She was flat out asleep in her chair by 8.30pm. I woke her gently but she was very confused - asking where her Dad was and not too steady on her feet. So glad I was with her. Strongly worded email going to care company tomorrow to say tablets not to be given before 7pm. Any other suggestions are welcome of course.
     
  15. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    Conversation with Mum.
    Mum ‘My daughter used to have to wear a boater to school in the summer and she hated it’
    Me ‘and a black hat in winter which was made of felt’
    Mum ‘Yes that’s right. Did you go to the same school?’
    This was the 2nd time it has happened :(
     
  16. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    #156 Bikerbeth, Oct 17, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2019
    So I stupidly thought I had got to grips a bit on Mum’s capabilities. I thought by staying there overnight she would not be in hostess mode. Seems she is still able to put on a good front although I see lots of cracks. On my phone call this morning she was confused about a shed key, this evening the carer turned up to an unlocked front door and no key in sight. Carer looked for it and then rang me. Sent her to neighbour to get spare keys (so the one in the key safe stayed safe). Carer left and Mum locked front door, carer told her to leave keys in front door. Mum told me carer had said to hide them on a book shelf. Told mum to get keys and put them next to phone because she would never remember where she had hidden them. Spare keys are in brown leather case and Mum does not recognise them as the keys to her front door so when another neighbour went round she said she could not find her keys. Also neighbour rang me and said Mum had the scissors attached to the key ring yesterday as Mum said she was worried about losing the Scissors. Mum also complained that nobody was telling her about her sister in hospital. According to cousin they had spoken for 10 minutes yesterday on the phone. Getting really worried now for her safety, I thought upping the care visits would help. Hope there is a vacancy at one of the homes soon (although this will mean no doubt sad news for someone else)
     
  17. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,769
    Female
    It's good you have already made arrangements and are just waiting for a care home room - you have the comfort of knowing that. By this stage my mother had carers in for several hours a day, but I was still worried about her for all the hours they weren't there. I dreaded the phone calls or emails from neighbours because she'd wandered off, or lost her keys, or had a fall, or set off the smoke alarm. As soon as I fixed one problem, another would arise. There comes a point when the only thing which helps is supervision 24/7 - it was a relief when I knew she was safe in the care home.
     
  18. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    @Sirena I agree because I do worry and do dread those phone calls and because I can’t just ‘pop around the corner’ to sort things out. Next week is Mum’s 90th and we have 2 small celebrations and then I really hope a place becomes available
     
  19. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    564
    Hope a care home place turns up soon and that in the meantime you have a good time celebrating your mum's ninetieth. My mum insisted she wanted a big party for hers last year, managed to book a hall and then decided the rest of it was too much to deal with so my sister-in-law and I ended up sorting out invites, food, entertainment etc. At least mum had a good time.
    The dreading the phone call scenario really resonated with me. Mum used to phone me most days and I never knew what mum I'd have at the end of the line, the muddled and sweet or the muddled and raging.
     
  20. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    393
    Bedford
    @Sarasa i had never thought about it - muddled and sweet or muddled and raging. So true and muddled and raging are for me so much harder to cry and calm her down so that I can try and unmuddle
     

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