Sugar in her coffee

[Sirena]

@Sarasa my mother's alarming incidents were wandering outside in cold wet weather and getting lost (no bag/coat/keys), and trying to get into a car with a stranger - so along the same lines as your mother. She also had to traverse two flights of stone steps and I was really concerned she'd have a serious fall. She was lucky she had neighbours who rescued her, but not surprisingly they got fed up with it.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi @Bikerbeth, have you thought of a key safe discreetly installed outside of the property to hold a spare key so that the carers can let themselves in - I had one installed for Mum, it worked really well (Mum struggled physically to get to the door) and it is secure?

Thank you. Yes we do have a key safe installed and that is why I was concerned about the carer telling Mum to leave the keys in the locks because then the keys in the key safe would not be able to be used

 

[Bikerbeth]

[QUOTE="DesperateofDevon, post: 1670214, member: 80872"waking up stressed at what ridiculousness the home will come up with today I really sympathise.

sometimes life just feels too daunting to continue, but we don’t have a choice really

take care driving the weather is awful

((((((hugs))))))[/QUOTE]

thank you for your hugs. I read your posts and I think my stresses are far less than yours. I went for 4 episodes of Doc Marten the other day just to switch the brain off
Hugs back

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi @Bikerbeth

I remember this phase with my dad. He would either lose his keys or leave them in the front door so I couldn’t get in! I dread to think what would’ve happened if he’d been unable to get to the door. I solved the problem by fitting a thumb turn lock to the front door. This opens with a key from the outside but has a handle to turn on the inside - no key required! It’s easy to do and only took me about 5 minutes so a handyman shouldn’t charge much to do the job either.

I also put a key safe outside so the carers could let themselves in.

I had to put dad’s pills in a safe too!

Thank you. I have never heard of a thumb turn lock. I will get OH to investigate. Did your Dad get the hang of it quickly - I assume Yes

 

[Bikerbeth]

You congratulate yourself on fixing one problem only to be confronted by another.

That is certainly so true.
I think I am so lucky with Mum’s neighbour. She is a fantastic neighbour and totally understands the Alzheimers as her husband had it

 

[Bikerbeth]

@Sarasa i guess I am just trying to muddle along until the Care home place comes available. I will do some reminder phone calls this week just to let them know we are still looking. There is a new care home opening at the start of December quite near me. Right at the top end of Mum’s budget but may have to consider it as they have spaces.

 

[Bikerbeth]

After arriving to a grumpy Mum this morning sitting ready in best frock and coat on saying we were going to be late for her 90th birthday lunch with her friends (when in fact we had an hour before we needed to leave) she calmed down. Went to the Pub and met up with her friends. Such a difference from last week’s family birthday lunch. Her friends made such a big fuss of her and we had smiles and laughter and a few tears (understandable) I managed to get a couple of really good photos - one where Mum had such a wicked grin on her face as she cut her cake is absolutely brilliant. Certainly an afternoon to remember and I am so glad I arranged that one although she was really cross with me arranging it initially

 

[Bunpoots]

Thank you. I have never heard of a thumb turn lock. I will get OH to investigate. Did your Dad get the hang of it quickly - I assume Yes

Yes. He got the hang of it straight away and pretty soon forgot all about that door ever having a key!

 

[DesperateofDevon]

[QUOTE="DesperateofDevon, post: 1670214, member: 80872"waking up stressed at what ridiculousness the home will come up with today I really sympathise.

sometimes life just feels too daunting to continue, but we don’t have a choice really

take care driving the weather is awful

((((((hugs))))))

thank you for your hugs. I read your posts and I think my stresses are far less than yours. I went for 4 episodes of Doc Marten the other day just to switch the brain off
Hugs back[/QUOTE]

Diners Drive-ins & Dives!
I’m addicted & best of all its on at 4 in the morning!!! Yay!

 

[Sarasa]

Glad you had a good time in the pub with your mum's friends, and that they are still there for her. My mum did that 'we're going to be late' thing rather a lot in the last few months at home. She could still tell the time on her analogue clock, but had lost the concept of what it meant. So at 10.30 she'd be wanting to go out for her exercise class that started at two five minutes walk away.

Edited to say: It may be worth looking at the new place that is opening as getting in from the start might mean your mum gets the pick of rooms and helps to mould what goes on in the way of activities etc. My mum's home is about three years old and the longstanding residents certainly influence what goes on. You might try and negotiate a reduction in fees because its new and there might be teething troubles, but that might be my natural optimism coming through!

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thanks for the tips as always re: new care home. @Sarasa
Another thing I have noticed with Mum and time - she has gone back to saying 20 to 11 for example instead of 11 40. I am beginning to wonder if that is why she too is starting to have problems with digital clocks

 

[Bikerbeth]

To solve the ‘AWOL’ keys issue I thought as a temporary measure I would put hooks by each door. Consequently I have spent several hours today and probably more tomorrow trying to get Mum to unlock & lock the doors. Among many other things this is what I find so frustrating about this illness - such a small change creates such total confusion.
On the good side today we have managed to have a few laughs amongst the tears (mum having bad nightmares again) missing meds replaced, hopefully meds to be kept in locked safe to avoid double dosing/ missing tablets(need to discuss with care agency tomorrow) - mum agreed reluctantly although I know it will not be a smooth ride and I will be expecting many a phone call from worried Mum.
Visiting new care home on Friday and she agreed in principle to try for a month providing this one is as good as the other one she liked. I think because she says she is bored and because she is getting frightened of being in her own she is willing to try. So trying to seize the moment. Already looking at posts regarding ‘best clothing etc labels’
Seriously just want her to be safe and content

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Yes the carers do log in and out via mobiles and confirm what they have done. I was told I could have access to these records so I need to chase that again. To be honest I am just keeping my hopes on a Care Home and finding the right long term ‘solution’ rather than fighting the short term. A few issues at home so I feel there I need to direct my energy where it will be productive.
Mum told me that she had been told she did not need to take any tablets this morning and said there was none in the dossett. Told me the chemist said so. I could not go up to her today so I just resigned myself that what will be will be. All blood pressure/heart tablets etc.
On the good but sad side saw my best friend off on a semi world tour for 12 months. Sad she is going but so pleased for her

have you accessed the daily log ins by carers - Dads home say I can’t have access to these

 

[Bikerbeth]

have you accessed the daily log ins by carers - Dads home say I can’t have access to these

Hi. I have access to the Carers logs now visiting Mum in her own home. I had to give them a copy of the LPA. She has not yet moved into a care home so no idea if that is different. Sorry

 

[Bikerbeth]

One of the Carers put a note on Mum’s notes saying that she missed me. It brought a tear to my eye. Came up late afternoon to stay with Mum so we can visit a care home with vacancies tomorrow. She struggled with the keys to open the door for me and she made some very strange comments in conversations that I really did not understand what she was trying to say. I just made what I hoped were the appropriate responses. Her clothes are now uncoordinated. It just makes me sad to see how much has changed in the last 4 to 6 weeks. I really hope she likes the home tomorrow and agrees to try it. I am sure she will be happier, safer and less bored. Fingers crossed

 

[Bikerbeth]

So we headed off to care home 5 today. Not ideal timing as they were having their official ‘opening’ day but it was the only day we could do. Apart from the petrol station ‘next door’ (which you can’t see from inside) generally Mum likes the home. I think Mum wants a room with doors opening onto the garden but I have suggested that upstairs would be better as she would have a nice view and it was a better area with only 16 rooms and 2 small lounges. I would still prefer Mum to go to one of the charity run ones but this one does come a reasonable 3rd and has spaces now.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Mum told me on the car journey back today that she should perhaps go in the home as I only see her every few weeks - I see her at least 2 days a week. She says she has nobody to talk to for days on end - carers twice a day and I ring twice a day. I guess the concept of time has gone. She smiled though when I said I had brought her a Belgium bun.

 

[Sirena]

As you have noticed significant deterioration, I think I would strike while the iron is hot and move her to this care home. If you decide it isn't quite right, you can always move her to one of the preferred CHs later. Obviously it is better to only move her once, but the priority is that you know she's safe and has help 24/7. And even if we move our PWD to the care home which is no.1 on our list, we never know if it will work out anyway. As you say, she has lost her sense of time and is becoming disorientated and lonely - being in a CH does tend to smooth that out because there is always someone there to prompt and reassure.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thanks @Sirena that is what I am going to do. Another conversation with Mum today. Initially she said after Christmas but after having a chat she saw that November would have lots of benefits for a trial. Mum said she will ring our contact there on Monday morning. I have already emailed said contact so she will be aware. I will also do an early morning phone call. Have told Mum I will come up and help her sort anything she needs and that it will be like planning a nice holiday away.
I did nearly have a wobble when the lady who runs the local dementia cafe said it might not be a good move if Mum is at an earlier stage than the other 3 current residents in the dementia section. However as OH said to me, this could also apply to our other choice of homes at certain times. Just need to ensure brother is on board too, if not I will suggest he starts doing the twice daily plus phone calls and visiting 2 to 3 days a week. Thanks for your support it has really helped to make me feel I am heading in the right direction

 

[Bikerbeth]

This post started with Mum asking for sugar to put in her coffee. As we move to the next stage of Mum’s journey it was by coincidence that today she asked me where the sugar was as she wanted some to put on her breakfast cereals. Another first.