Mil Very Near End Of Life ??

[Big Effort]

Oh gosh Carara,

I hope that your Mum finds her peace and calm again.
If giving fluids is so important for comfort, can't they use an intravenous drip, just to keep her comfy? Choking must be so distressing.

Can you get an opinion from your first doctor? Seems the new one has tilted the balance again.

Sending you gentlest of times.... peace. xx BE

 

[1954]

Carara

You are doing a fantastic job there. I feel for both of you like I have come to know you. Huge hugs xx

 

[piedwarbler]

If her pulse is still strong it will be her heart and lungs that are refusing to give in, I am sure that's what kept my mum going. Her forehead was blue and so were her hands but her pulse was strong. It was her breathing that slowed to 8 or 9 breaths a minute.
Have you had big pauses between breaths at all?
I read that lying on your right side helps ease agitation as it gives the heart and lungs more space in the chest.
I am sorry that you are being put through this. It seems so sad. X

 

[Izzy]

Thinking of you and your mum. x

 

[Carara]

Hi & Thanks once again for your kind words & thoughts

Pied,
mom does have huge gaps between breaths
She won`t lie on any side,if I manage to get her onto her side she`ll go back onto her back
Her forehead is a pinky blue

Big Effort,
If she`s still here on Monday Im going to ring her GP and ask for advise(I don`t think he thought he`d last this long)
She`s taking water from a sponge no problem but the tea I ain`t doing that again
I`m staying with her tonight (Prob til about 5am then hubby wakes anyway )

Thanks again for all your lovely messages x x x

 

[piedwarbler]

I don't think it can be long now by the sound of it. Because you are keeping her comfy she is taking her time to go at her own pace. You must be exhausted.
She sounds quite strong if she can still wiggle back onto her back. My mum used to do that. She hated being on her side.
Don't be worried about calling out of hours if you think you need to though.
Well done, you're doing so well. What a fantastic carer you are xx

 

[Carara]

Hi Pied

Mil does have normal pulse rate ------- 63

During the night her breathing changed to very shallow

She has been asleep since yesterday lunch time apart from when carers came this morning and even then she didnt wake properly

I checked her breathing and at some points she`s taking only 4 proper breaths,the rest are very very shallow,hubby said she`s almost holding her breath
Then other times her breathing is normal
Strange today also, is that she hardly has any colour to her face

She does look ever so peaceful though

I am ever so confused to be honest

x x

 

[piedwarbler]

You could be describing my mum's last 48 hours. Yes her breathing went shallow then picked up again. Yes there were great long pauses. Mum's pulse was in the 80 s every time I took it. Gradually at the end her breathing got shallower and shallower. It was very peaceful. She did move her mouth and smile right at the end.
I know what you mean about feeling confused. I remember feeling convinced Mum wasn't dying.
Take care xx

 

[Big Effort]

Hello Carara,

Isn't it wonderful that Pied is there walking the walk with you..... and everyone else of course, but Piedwarbler shared it all with us, it is as if we were there, and now she can share her experience and strength.

It is the 14th July here, so fireworks tonight. Sunny, warm, blue sky..... and I just want you to know I am with you too in thoughts.

Death is so intimate, a shedding of everything but the barest essentials. Of course it is difficult for us to understand. Our heads are always spinning with details, data, fears, must do's, don't wants and so on. What do they say? 20,000 thoughts a day or more. Lots of it repetititve. So we are ill prepared for such slow passage, just breathing, a wetting of lips and so on. The barest minimum.

Glad you are such a support to your husband. May it be peaceful and a time for reflection and just Being.

Love BE

 

[Carara]

Thanks Pied

Oh boy your moms pulse was very Good

And here`s me thinking Mil` was good at 63 eh ?

She still has`nt woke

As I sit here I am listening to her breathing its like your trying to breath for her

Breath,breath,breath Pauseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for ever then breath breath again
If I ran to her every time there was a pause I`d be a nutcase by now

Or Id lose about 2 stone

Thanks again Pied,Your advise is of a great help to me x x x

 

[Carara]

Sorry BE

Thankyou for your lovely post ( You write such lovely posts)and yes your right Pied sharing her thread helps me so much & probably alot of others too in time

Also sorry but Have to ask

Can I come to your firework display please ???

x x x

 

[Carara]

Thanks Kassy,

I feel like this is going on for months now,obviously isn`t just feels like it

I must say that today though her breathing is noticeable different
Like you said catching her breath all the time

Its strange to say the least

 

[piedwarbler]

Yes, that's a good description - catching the breath. When the out breath is a lot longer than the in breath- that's another sign. My mum would do - short in breath - short out breath - paaauuuusssee - longer out breath and in breath again - start again. I called them cute little baby breaths because she sounded like my daughter did when she was snuffling in her carry cot when she was born.
It was a lovely sound in a way. I know that sounds weird but after all the pained snoring sounds she had been making it was much more peaceful and it didn't seem like she was struggling.
Every few minutes she would make a sighing sound. I'm not sure if she was consciously doing that. When I googled it, it said it is just the body - but how would anyone know?

Sending you so many hugs. You are coming to the conclusion of her journey now, surely. Xxxx

 

[Gemz67]

Hi Carara

I haven't been around lately as I've been busy with my kids and gkids as well as mum, who hasn't been having the best of times, so this is the first time I've seen this thread.

My thoughts are with you and your hubby, as well as MIL, through this difficult period. I'm sure your presence has given your MIL reassurance and a sense of peace, from the sound of it you are doing fantastically. Take care of yourself too

Gem xx

 

[piedwarbler]

In my thoughts today x

 

[1954]

How are things today Carara? You are in my thoughts x x

 

[Carara]

Hiya Pied & 1954

Well how`s things today ?

This woman is *I dont know what that word is * (but you`ll soon see what I`m trying to say)

Last night I changed her like normal,she wouldn`t lift her legs to help,she was back to herself again Literally holding herself flat to the bed--So Stiff,I couldn`t bend her leg

Then after I struggled to change her,she settled after ages so I fell asleep
THEN
During the night don`t ask how but she managed to move the safety bar onto the floor

To say I am gobsmacked is putting it mildly
For over two weeks nothing,hardly any life then this
Her eyes were wide open too
I just cannot understand where her strength is coming from

At the moment she`s laid in bed making weird noises but hasn`t attempted to move the safety bar since

Even the doctor said twice last week" it`s only a matter of time"

What on earth is going on ?

x x x

 

[1954]

Carara

It does sound like she is fighting the inevitable I am afraid

It is such a long road isn't it?

We are with you and your hubby at this awful time xxxxx

 

[Carara]

Thankyou 1954

Hubby is so much more tired than me

Think the only person in this house with energy is the Mil

x x x

 

[Butter]

I think the title of your thread says it all: there is no knowing how long we take to die. That is why I am so glad you have regular visits etc from the GP because you can keep her comfortable.

When my mother was dying last year - refusing all liquid and all food and having nothing intravenously - I asked the carehome manager. He told me that in his experience people can die in 24 hours or, the longest he had had a resident survive, was 22 days. And that was only his experience.