Is mum near the end?

Alwena1936

New member
Feb 4, 2024
4
0
Hi everyone, I’m new to this site.
Can I ask your opinions please? My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia 4 years ago. She is almost 88. She lived with me until last year but is now in a nursing home. In the last year her weight has plummeted from 9 stone till 4 1/2 stone. She eats very little, is doubly incontinent. She can only walk a couple of steps then falls ( she refuses a frame or wheelchair). She usually talks gibberish and only a few words are clear enough to understand. She only recognises me .
For months she has coughed after eating and pockets food in her mouth. This last few days I’ve noticed she is making a gurgling sound in her throat.
She has a very robust DNR and it stated no CRP, ventilation or hospital admissions. Her GP says we are aiming just to keep her comfortable.
Do you think she is in the last few weeks or months as her BMi is 13 . Any advice would be helpful. To be honest she is so frail that I hope the end is quick and peaceful as she has no life now 😢
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
5,021
0
Hello @Alwena1936 and welcome, you will find support and understanding here. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, she does sound quite poorly but it's very difficult to know if she is in her last few weeks/months as the end of life stage can last some time. Perhaps a conversation with the nursing staff or the GP would help as they will be better placed to answer this question, and will also be able to let you know whether they have got end of life meds in place, to ensure that your mum is kept comfortable. Such a difficult time for you, take care of yourself, and there is always someone here to listen.
 

Alwena1936

New member
Feb 4, 2024
4
0
Hello @Alwena1936 and welcome, you will find support and understanding here. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, she does sound quite poorly but it's very difficult to know if she is in her last few weeks/months as the end of life stage can last some time. Perhaps a conversation with the nursing staff or the GP would help as they will be better placed to answer this question, and will also be able to let you know whether they have got end of life meds in place, to ensure that your mum is kept comfortable. Such a difficult time for you, take care of yourself, and there is always someone here to listen.
Thank you so much. I know they authorised end of life meds a couple of months ago
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
4,361
0
Kent
Hi everyone, I’m new to this site.
Can I ask your opinions please? My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia 4 years ago. She is almost 88. She lived with me until last year but is now in a nursing home. In the last year her weight has plummeted from 9 stone till 4 1/2 stone. She eats very little, is doubly incontinent. She can only walk a couple of steps then falls ( she refuses a frame or wheelchair). She usually talks gibberish and only a few words are clear enough to understand. She only recognises me .
For months she has coughed after eating and pockets food in her mouth. This last few days I’ve noticed she is making a gurgling sound in her throat.
She has a very robust DNR and it stated no CRP, ventilation or hospital admissions. Her GP says we are aiming just to keep her comfortable.
Do you think she is in the last few weeks or months as her BMi is 13 . Any advice would be helpful. To be honest she is so frail that I hope the end is quick and peaceful as she has no life now 😢
Hi @Alwena1936
With your mum's weight so low, and everything else you've said it seems EoL can't be too far away, but the medics can advise you better,
EoL can take some while. Yes it can be v distressing.
I wish you strength in these difficult times for you and hope your mum is kept pain free and comfortable.
Hugs.
 

JoannePat

Registered User
Jan 24, 2019
226
0
Hi @Alwena1936, I can only echo what everyone else has said. It is a very distressing time and know that we are all thinking of you,

Take care xx
 

Alwena1936

New member
Feb 4, 2024
4
0
Hi @Alwena1936
With your mum's weight so low, and everything else you've said it seems EoL can't be too far away, but the medics can advise you better,
EoL can take some while. Yes it can be v distressing.
I wish you strength in these difficult times for you and hope your mum is kept pain free and comfortable.
Hugs.
Thank you
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
354
0
Bristol
Hi @Alwena1936, My mum’s weight plummeted in the last three months of her life. She had a sweet tooth but even declined these in the last weeks. Her frailty and falls took its toll on her and the GP initiated EOL conversation with me. He just confirmed what we thought was happening, but, as others have said, no one can really put a time on this stage. Like you, I hoped mum would fall asleep and be free of the existence she was living in. EOL meds were issued 20/11/23 and she was still getting up everyday, taking part in activities etc. when she wanted to. She died peacefully on 16/12/23 after 6 days on EOL meds. So, almost a month from the GP conversation. I hope when the time comes your mum is kept comfortable with you by her side for as long as you want.
 

Martin 1718

New member
Feb 16, 2024
5
0
God bless you - i know exactly how you are feeling as i'm experiencing the same pain. Its dreadful and not how the person would of wanted to go.
We have had this for a year now and the person is not the same person as i know - dreadful to see.
We go and sit with him but hes not really the person i know.
Keep strong
 

chloefosters

New member
Feb 19, 2024
3
0
17
Hi everyone, I’m new to this site.
Can I ask your opinions please? My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia 4 years ago. She is almost 88. She lived with me until last year but is now in a nursing home. In the last year her weight has plummeted from 9 stone till 4 1/2 stone. She eats very little, is doubly incontinent. She can only walk a couple of steps then falls ( she refuses a frame or wheelchair). She usually talks gibberish and only a few words are clear enough to understand. She only recognises me .
For months she has coughed after eating and pockets food in her mouth. This last few days I’ve noticed she is making a gurgling sound in her throat.
She has a very robust DNR and it stated no CRP, ventilation or hospital admissions. Her GP says we are aiming just to keep her comfortable.
Do you think she is in the last few weeks or months as her BMi is 13 . Any advice would be helpful. To be honest she is so frail that I hope the end is quick and peaceful as she has no life now 😢
My mums the exact same, with the putting everything in her mouth and not being able to talk at all really, she says afew words randomly but they never have any meaning. She spits out most of the food you give her my dads whole life is committed to looking after her and he has no life now she can’t be left alone ever which means when he does go out it’s my responsibility to take care of her as she will cause some kind of caos, i’m 17 and my mums 52 i wonder if anyone else my age is going thought this
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
7,029
0
My mums the exact same, with the putting everything in her mouth and not being able to talk at all really, she says afew words randomly but they never have any meaning. She spits out most of the food you give her my dads whole life is committed to looking after her and he has no life now she can’t be left alone ever which means when he does go out it’s my responsibility to take care of her as she will cause some kind of caos, i’m 17 and my mums 52 i wonder if anyone else my age is going thought this
Hello @chloefosters and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am so sorry to read about your mum, she is so young to have dementia and you are so young to have to help care for her.
We do have some young members who help to care for a parent but they may not be regular posters however you might find it useful to start your own thread in the - Younger people with dementia and their carers - area of the forum. I have attached a link below.

I have also attached a link to the NHS website's information for young carers which you might find useful.

You say that your dad has no like because he is looking after your mum full time, does he have any help looking after your mum, there is help out there but you have to look for it. If your dad needs advice he could join the forum and i am sure our members would welcome him and give him some advice.
 

JulesG

New member
Feb 26, 2024
3
0
Hi everyone, I’m new to this site.
Can I ask your opinions please? My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia 4 years ago. She is almost 88. She lived with me until last year but is now in a nursing home. In the last year her weight has plummeted from 9 stone till 4 1/2 stone. She eats very little, is doubly incontinent. She can only walk a couple of steps then falls ( she refuses a frame or wheelchair). She usually talks gibberish and only a few words are clear enough to understand. She only recognises me .
For months she has coughed after eating and pockets food in her mouth. This last few days I’ve noticed she is making a gurgling sound in her throat.
She has a very robust DNR and it stated no CRP, ventilation or hospital admissions. Her GP says we are aiming just to keep her comfortable.
Do you think she is in the last few weeks or months as her BMi is 13 . Any advice would be helpful. To be honest she is so frail that I hope the end is quick and peaceful as she has no life now 😢
 

JulesG

New member
Feb 26, 2024
3
0
Hi , I am also new to this site. Just to say that I am going through the same thing currently with my Mum. She is in a care home and they are superb and I couldn't wish for her to be in a better place, the care is fantastic and they love Mum being there. She is in bed nearly all day apart from when she is having personal care or when they can get her up and support her to move around. She eats very little now and has lost an alarming amount of weight, she is extremely frail and has constant falls if she tries to move on her own.
The care home have been excellent in supporting me and keeping me informed of her situation on a daily basis. The thing that is so difficult is the not knowing what is going to happen. Since her deterioration about 2 months ago I have been bracing myself for bad news every time the care home call with an update. It is a complete emotional roller coaster.
Jules x
 

obywon

Registered User
Mar 9, 2022
48
0
Hi everyone, I’m new to this site.
Can I ask your opinions please? My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia 4 years ago. She is almost 88. She lived with me until last year but is now in a nursing home. In the last year her weight has plummeted from 9 stone till 4 1/2 stone. She eats very little, is doubly incontinent. She can only walk a couple of steps then falls ( she refuses a frame or wheelchair). She usually talks gibberish and only a few words are clear enough to understand. She only recognises me .
For months she has coughed after eating and pockets food in her mouth. This last few days I’ve noticed she is making a gurgling sound in her throat.
She has a very robust DNR and it stated no CRP, ventilation or hospital admissions. Her GP says we are aiming just to keep her comfortable.
Do you think she is in the last few weeks or months as her BMi is 13 . Any advice would be helpful. To be honest she is so frail that I hope the end is quick and peaceful as she has no life now 😢
 

obywon

Registered User
Mar 9, 2022
48
0
I looked after my mum with exactly the same, for the last 7 yrs, 3 just popping in then 4 yrs when I moved in with her, and for a son and mum it’s harder obviously.
but I have been through the worst of everything, I can help as much as I can, but you have some help already as she’s in a home right, I wouldn’t do it, and I wasnt married so I could give my life up for her and I would do it again, but the end of life is scarring if you do it at home alone , believe me, it’s been 16 months and today was my worst day yet? strange. But that alone will soften whats to come.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
7,029
0
Hi , I am also new to this site. Just to say that I am going through the same thing currently with my Mum. She is in a care home and they are superb and I couldn't wish for her to be in a better place, the care is fantastic and they love Mum being there. She is in bed nearly all day apart from when she is having personal care or when they can get her up and support her to move around. She eats very little now and has lost an alarming amount of weight, she is extremely frail and has constant falls if she tries to move on her own.
The care home have been excellent in supporting me and keeping me informed of her situation on a daily basis. The thing that is so difficult is the not knowing what is going to happen. Since her deterioration about 2 months ago I have been bracing myself for bad news every time the care home call with an update. It is a complete emotional roller coaster.
Jules x
Hello @JulesG and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about your mum but it is good that you are happy with the care that she is receiving. Many people on here will understand when you talk about the emotional roller coaster and dreading updates from the home.
Now that you have found us i hope that you will find the forum a good source of help and support. You might find it useful to start you own thread in the - I care for a person with dementia - area. I have attached a link below. There you could ask questions, talk about how you are feeling or just let off a bit of steam.

 

JulesG

New member
Feb 26, 2024
3
0
To update from my previous post my Mum passed away peacefully on the 29th March, after spending 4 days on EOL meds. The care home were amazing all the way through and me and my daughter stayed with my Mum for her last days. The situation of losing appetite and weight rapidly seems to be something that happens in later stages of dementia. I wish everyone here that is caring for a loved one the strength and hope they need to cope with this sad time in life. Jules xx