Is Mum near the end?

SallyKC

New member
Jan 4, 2024
2
0
My Mum had 2 strokes now 9 years ago and since then she's been struggling with Dementia taking over. This year she has had a couple falls, the latest causing her to break her leg and since then everything has progressively been declining. She's had many infections causing bowel issues, chest infections and clots on her lungs. She now can no longer feed herself and struggles or refuses to eat anything.

She's been back into hospital just before Christmas, after being bed ridden with carers at home, due to infections that it appears that are on going. They repeatedly tried to get a feeding tube in but she kept pulling them out. I barely get one word answers out of her but Dad says there's been days where she suddenly starts a conversation. Doctors have tried to discuss DNR with Dad and he's very much against it.

Dad actually collapsed in Mum's ward yesterday so was rushed into A&E which turned out to be low blood pressure due to dehydration, potential tummy bug or just the stress of it all.

Dad has called today to say that the hospital have called to say that they will call in the morning to bring him, my Auntie and myself in to discuss Mum.

I live an hour away on a good traffic day and currently suffering with a very bad post virus cough.

I don't not want to be there for Mum and to support Dad but I also don't want to bring infection and need to know if this is the sign that the doctors think she's nearing the end of her life.

Also got a 9 year old child to manage with no childcare support and I don't really want her anywhere near this.

Any support will be most welcome.

Thank you
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,968
0
Hello @SallyKC and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am so sorry to read about your mum and the effect that this is having on your dad and yourself, this must make things so difficult for you.
It is hard to say whether or not the doctors think that your mum is at the end of life but certainly they must have concerns for her health if they want to get together with your dad, auntie and yourself. If you do not feel fit to drive to the appointment or are worried about spreading an infection, I wonder if you would be able to join the meeting either by phone or video call.
Please keep posting on here and let us know how you are getting on or even just to share how you are feeling, you will always find someone willing to talk to you.
 

Missodell18

Registered User
Dec 16, 2022
148
0
Hi @SallyKC

I’m so sorry to hear about your parents, your mum with her health problems and the toll it must be taking on your dad too.

If you’re unwell yourself, then look after yourself and visit when you’re better. As @SeaSwallow said maybe you can attend the meeting via zoom? Or even via phone with a speaker?

I think the truth is that doctors can recognise that someone is coming to the end of their life but no one can tell you exactly when it will be or how long. People seem to be at the end and then suddenly rallie quite often, sometimes only for a short period, sometimes for longer, or sometimes they don’t and it’s quicker. It’s an unsatisfying answer because i know you’ll want to prepare yourself mentally and everything seems so vague.
 

SallyKC

New member
Jan 4, 2024
2
0
Thank you for your messages. The meeting got rescheduled to yesterday due to our ill health. Unfortunately Mum's come to the end of her fight with numerous infections and she hasn't been recovering between each one. Suffering multiple pneumonias and not eating and barely drinking. We've decided it's time for her to return home to Dad and with support from their care team and palative care they'll make her comfortable for her end of life. Looks like she'll be coming home on Monday.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,968
0
I am sorry to read this but pleased that you will have your mum home with appropriate support. Wishing you strength for the days ahead.