I don`t seem to be handling this very well..................

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Grannie G, May 12, 2007.

  1. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    We only have an ordinary bin and a blue box for paper.

    I look out of the bedroom window on a Monday morning to see what the neightbours have put out.:confused:
     
  2. Rhoda

    Rhoda Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    17
    West London
    Grannie G: Absolutely nothing wrong with using a shopping trolley! They're essential if you don't use a petrol-guzzling car to do your shopping and recycling, and much more fashionable looking these days when most smart suitcases have a handle and wheels. Also saves the strain on your face from carrying heavy bags around. Tell your grandchildren to get green!

    When my mother was suffering from AD and continually questioning, I realised that if we did not give a satisfactory answer to the question it would keep on being asked, for instance if we tried to give an evasive or incomplete answer. I must say her perception and persistence impressed me. She went through months of asking: When were courgettes first on sale in England? and no-one knew the answer so the question kept on and on.... (I do realise that in your case you have given your husband all possible answers already.)

    Recycling: In my part of west London we have an "orange sack" scheme where all kinds of recyclable items go into the same orange plastic sack which is collected every week, on a different day from the general rubbish. Acceptable items are papers, card, cans, plastic bottles, glass bottles and jars, all into the same sack. (this means that the bottles can be buried among the papers!) I find this scheme excellent and the amount of rubbish I now put out on "general rubbish" days is minimal. But in my sister's small town they have boxes for each category, and on recycling days the bin-men sit on their lorry sorting the recycling in the street outside. Not conducive to max recycling!

    Sorry, I realise I've posted this without having introduced myself. I will do so soon, though. My Ma died many years ago and my present problems concern looking after my partner. I've so many questions I don't know where to begin, but I will. In a separate thread.

    Regards, Rhoda.
     
  3. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Welcome Rhoda, I hope you find some helpful thoughts here on TP. Regards, Deborah
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,926
    Kent
    Hi Rhoda,

    Welcome to TP and ask all the questions you want. Whether anyone will have the answers, remains to be seen.

    What I can say is support is here for you in abundance, and not recycled support either. :)
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Rhoda

    Welcome to TP. Look forward to reading your introductory thread.

    You're quite right, it's essential to give a reasonable answer to the questions. The problems arise when the person understands the reasonable answer one day, but not the next, when stress increases the confusion.

    That's exactly the point I was trying to make (probably not very clearly). Reason doesn't come into it. We just have to survive the questions.

    But it's very hard on the nerves!

    Thanks for your post,
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I wonder what reasonable answer I could of given my mother yesterday, when out of the blue she keep repeating to me don’t leave me alone, please don’t leave me alone. Yes I did say to mum No I won’t every live you alone. even if it was a lie, because who know what the future holds.

    but she did keep asking repeating it asking that quation , till I got to the bottom of what triggered, that Question , then she Strangely stop
     
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Margaret
    what was the trigger?
    Norman
     
  8. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    I think it was connected to Margarita's mum's own mother's situation, no? She recalled what had happened to her own mother.
     
  9. Stimpfig

    Stimpfig Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    135
    Germany/India
    Dear Sylvia

    Hope you are feeling much better now. I just wanted to share that when mum was here with me in Germany, she used to want to go home (like everyone else with AD) and kept opening the balcony door but probably wasn't that desperate or perhaps too frightened to jump from the balcony. However, when I took her back to India (I remember, it was the time when you were there, too) and later to her childhood home, a dilapidated old house now, I was shocked at the way she reacted. She turned frantic, was agitated, pushed everyone and made her way across the road screaming and asking to be let off. It took me and my cousin a long time to calm her down as we drove back to her sister's place who she identified as the cook.

    Having had a hard time, I can empathise with everyone here. I finally collapsed with multiple slipped discs and was operated recently. I think it's absolutely essential to take care of oneself and ignore the weeds for a while.

    Warm regards
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #90 Margarita, May 15, 2007
    Last edited: May 15, 2007
    Sometime I find it all so sad for words , that tears keep falling


    Silly really as I read back on my post, just that mum going through a stage of not wanting to wear pads, hiding wet knickers.

    As I got her to wear pads the other to day center, that are like knickers, mum wear trouser when she got home the other day she was not wearing them she said they fall of, but they could not of.

    So later on, on Sunday keep saying something to me repeating it loads of time , so I ask he what she meant, all she answered then she said I am not wearing them any more, I click on she meant Ten knickers. And she went on to say, they know I am wearing them, they all know. They can see them. Them keep repeating about don’t leave me alone , please don’t leave me alone .

    That’s when I ask her did she put her mother in a care home, she said yes because she got very ill.

    So what is triggering all this? Is that she relishing she wetting herself, what happen to her mother is what is happening to her. Even thought it was her sister who looks after her mother till she got very ill that had to go in a care home, but it was not a home but a mental home (can’t spell that other word), because back them they never had NH in Gibraltar only care home, so none for people with dementia AZ . They do now

    I just think what a nightmare of confusion is going on in my mother mind with this disease.

    She is going to be urinating all over the chair in the AZ day center, people knowing this, where if she had a pad on no one would no, but she thinks they will , But she not seeing logic or reasoning. All she worried about is that I am going to put her in a home now she wetting herself, not remember that when she was double incontinent 5 years ago before medication, I did not put her in a care home, I got her the medication to hold it all back, only to start again because its not a cure

    I phone my AZ day center spoke to the lady who runs it, told her all about mum weting herself she lovely she told me it’s a transition for them into another stage going to pads, it happen to a lot of people and that’s what there they for to help and not to worry, she try to talk to mum. Ring her any time I need to .

    and all that is on my mind omg not again please not again , but I am ok really so mum we both have more surport with the AZ TP for me for Mum AZ daycenter
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,926
    Kent
    Dear Margarita, this is what I dread.

    The confusion, loss of dignity, anxiety, fear, all the emotions your poor mother is going through in addition to the long term memory of the fate of her own mother.

    It`s so sad and cruel. No wonder you are so upset.

    You cheer everyone up on TP, with your tales and anecdotes, you try so hard to apply all you learn and all you read, and at the same time you are in tears over your mother.

    Take care, love
     
  12. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    distancing ones self

    dear sylvia
    you have such a job on your hands and i think you are doing a grand job of it and you are so much help and support to us all i and all would like nothing better than to find a way to stop this illness for you and all of us
    i try to what i call side step with bob like you do its so hard --but bob thinks we are selling shop -he says when i am ready --but like yesterday buying appartment in spain living in our caravan in stratford for 10 months of the year it is all impossible but i agree and think he will forget for now tomorrow he will ask the same again i was never any good at games at school but i wished i could of played 2 balls then i might of been better at juggling
    i feel so useless helping you
    SENDING A BAG OF LOVE
    bel x
     
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    sorry for juming in

    I just wish that I did not care so much that I could pull out that emotion, download it into some box & all my troubles would be gone, they say its learning to live with AZ. I feel it’s learning to live with all those tears; me also anything can trigger it of. I know we all have to die one day, but this is so close to the reality of death and life and the realizations of the reality of the help I can get when living in it, I just phone the lady at my AZ day center about something that happen in the toilet with mum, she said the dog done it, I just want to know how to handle it without losing my temper like I did 5 years ago and use to walk out of the house, because I did not understand what was happening with my mum, I am not perfect no matter how many tears I shed over this .

    My daughter birthday is on the 31st and she want all her friends around for a barbeque, so I phone SW so mum can go in to respite, because it be yes that word embarrassing not only for my mother, but for my daughters and friends, while my mother going into this transition in to pads and excepting to put them on .

    sylvia hope your day is good , your a lovely person . I don't know how you cope , but you do it , like me you just do .
    I can only imagine what a lovely loving relationship you had with your husband before he got AZ, ( not saying not now ) to give you the building grown to cope now, because you love shine though in your pasting, fate was so lucky to you to have found a love like that for each other.

    I hope I have not worded that all wrong a is taken the wrong way xx.

    because its love that keeps us together
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,926
    Kent
    Hi Margarita,

    You never word anything wrong. Even if it is occasionally grammatically incorrect, your message shines through, loud and clear.

    I`d like to know how many TP members, even without dyslexia could contribute to a Spanish website.

    As well as your mum having to cope with incontinence pads, do you think you are having a bit of an anti-climax after moving.

    It is said that after death and divorce, moving house is the 3rd most stressful experience.

    I know you had a lot of hope for the move and your mother coped remarkably well. You might have prepared yourself for problems following the move, but they didn`t come.

    What did come was a change in your mother`s needs, a very upsetting change for both of you.

    So take your own advice, advice you would readily give to others. Be kind to yourself. If you are upset, go with it, allow yourself to be upset. You have a lot to be upset about.

    But on happy days, make the most of them. You give a lot of happiness on TP. Take some for yourself too.

    Take care,

    With love xx
     
  15. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
     
  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #96 Margarita, May 16, 2007
    Last edited: May 16, 2007
    your right & about the move , gosh if I never shared about that on TP , the blues would of been to much for me . yes I do find giveing advice is easyer then taking doing it , when someone alse advices me , yes so should listen to my own advice :) oh dear

    Its like this move, has lock me in a cloud that take over me, mum settle down now, so my mind is like its downloading clear thought, not getting so mix up with the past before medication for mum AZ. My brother CPN phone told me that my brother got a date for his move, so things are falling in to place, just one more step in talking to doctor on Thursday about mum and medication, and my mind shall be at ease , in what ever he think is best to do

    your right about that xx
     
  17. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Margarita: I have not read all the posts but just caught a few of the later ones.
    I think Sylvia has said all the right things and I could only repeat them (You will not believe this I have done this reply once - then the cat pounced on the keyboard and it was lost!!!!).

    I love your wording and the things you say.

    Take Care of Yourself - we need you. Beckyjan
     
  18. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    563
    nuneaton
    ;) Hi Margarita

    I agree with Beckyjan. I too, love reading your posts and your wording is great.
    I have managed to read some of your old posts, you are a loving and caring mother and daughter.
    You have all had to make changes and allownces for each other, I hope ypu can get respite for your mum and your daughter has a Happy Birthday and everyone has a good night.:cool:
    Take Care Bye for now
    Janetruth x
     
  19. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Maggy,

    I had no idea that you were dyslexic. Your achievement in posting in a second language is amazing enough. (I have learned French and tried to learn Spanish and am now trying to learn Greek :eek: but could not post anything that made sense in any of those languages)

    If ever I have trouble understanding your posts, I stop 'reading' them and imagine you saying it in a Spanish accent and then it makes perfect sense. :) It's certainly easier to understand than the legalease that I sometimes lapse in to.

    Sue
     
  20. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia


    Dear Maggy,
    I sincerely hope that you are right and that this is near the end of this very difficult period for you. Sometimes it seems like everything that could go wrong does go wrong all at once. But eventually even these really bad periods have to come to an end - at least for awhile!! ;)

    Thinking of you and sending you my very best caring wishes.
     

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