Hubby going into CH for respite

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by pamann, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Forgot to say 6wks ago the crisis team came out, they referred us to SS, they said l was not safe to be at home with him.
     
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Hi Pam-hope you are feeling a bit better and you managed some sleep.

    Is the person involved in the 1 to 1 a carer or someone from the MH Team?

    Hoping for a better day for you both

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  3. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Our posts crossed! The same happened with us more than once :( Apart from one occasion Pete was sectioned each time. I can't think why this didn't happen for your OH.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  4. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    They told me they got another carer in for l to l, l have not been to see him, sons say he looks terrible, it would upset me too much, what do you think?
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,899
    Female
    Scotland
    I think you have to let this run its course Pam. Eventually they will settle him and you can visit and perhaps be some comfort to him but in this state of turmoil there would just be upset on your part which might transmit to him. You are in our thoughts during this awful time.
     
  6. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    I think you REALLY need this respite time and you should take notice of what the CH staff say. Respite is for you to recoup your energy and rest. Your Son is visiting and reporting back to you. Personally I think your OH is at a stage where he needs more help than can be offered in a CH setting until he is assessed-and definitely what you can give to him when he comes home.

    Pam, I don't mean to upset you with this comment BUT how will you cope when your OH comes home? Have you ever thought that your OH now needs full time care. Sorry I don't mean to intrude but I remember how difficult life was when Pete was violent and unable to sleep. I was on my knees with tiredness.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  7. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Pam I'm not in your situation but I don't think you should visit, it won't help you or your husband at the moment , so much is happening . Your son is reporting back to you , your husband is having 1 to 1 care and more people around trying to help. Could you cope with seeing him would be my worry? Please try and rest Pam , you must be absolutely drained xxxx
     
  8. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you Kjn l do not feel strong enough to see him, he cannot remember who took him to the home, which was me!! he hasn't mentioned me. So it is best that l do not go, although l feel l have abandoned him.
     
  9. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,336
    Merseyside
    Pam you haven't abandoned him. You are doing your best to get him the help & support he needs.
    Sending love & hugs xx
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,861
    Kent
    Your husband is safe and being cared for pamaan, even though he doesn`t know it. There`s nothing you can do to help him. If visiting him would help I`m sure you would be there. Just try to look after yourself. You are having a terrible time.
     
  11. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    You havnt abandoned him Pam you are doing everything to help him and help you, you both need help. You cannot do this alone xxxx
     
  12. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Abandoned him:confused: Never! I'm going to repeat myself now! The CH says not to visit-they will contact you if the need arises. Your Son says not to visit-take the advice of both. Once, when Pete was highly distressed, the CH phoned to let me know so I went along earlier than usual; the longer I stayed the worse Pete became:( Eventually they asked me to leave:( Sometimes you just can't win. Pam you REALLY haven't abandoned your OH.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  13. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,223
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Please take all the good advice above, Pamann.
    You are not well, because you have become run-down trying to cope with your OH and on top of that has come the stress of the last few days.
    Please try to relax a little ( I mean really try to un-tense all your muscles ) and rest, breathe deeply and drink plenty of water.
    I cannot imagine how dreadful you must be feeling, and my heart goes out to you.
     
  14. minxie

    minxie Registered User

    Dec 29, 2014
    10
    Morning Pamann,

    I am in a similar situation! My husband was sectioned 3 weeks ago due to safety reasons, he became very aggressive towards me and extremely agitated. I now know he is safe and secure and being looked after and I am also safe.

    I was advised not to see him for several days, it was so difficult, like you my son paved the way for me, but the first time I saw him was devastating BUT!! it had to be done and he is now settling very well with the right medication.

    I now go everyday and feel much better for going, we are waiting for a placement for a care home for him, which is proving very difficult as he is only 55 and a very fit strong man always been very active sporty etc:

    I'm thinking of you and this will pass!! Be brave like I'm sure you have been through out all of this.

    Sending lots and Lots of hugs Xxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  15. minxie

    minxie Registered User

    Dec 29, 2014
    10
    Excellent post Stay Strong Pamann xxxxxxxx
     
  16. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you everyone l am just being silly l know, all your advice has helped me so much, l do have lots of support from my 2 bowls clubs, l do have plenty to do which helps take your mind off of what is going on. Thank you again xxx
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,777
    Female
    South coast
    No, not silly, just stressed out of your mind and overwhelmed by events.
     
  18. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you canary
     
  19. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Just catching up, Pam and am sorry you are having such a bad time. Do try to look after yourself. Sending a big hug. Verityxx
     
  20. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Oh you poor love. :( Please take the excellent advice of others, and make your first priority your own health. Hubby is being well looked after, and your son has visited. You must get yourself fit and well, and remember you've done everything possible ...... and more. xxx
     

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