Hubby going into CH for respite

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
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Kent
Forgot to say 6wks ago the crisis team came out, they referred us to SS, they said l was not safe to be at home with him.
 

LYN T

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Aug 30, 2012
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Brixham Devon
Hi Pam-hope you are feeling a bit better and you managed some sleep.

Is the person involved in the 1 to 1 a carer or someone from the MH Team?

Hoping for a better day for you both

Love

Lyn T XX
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
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Brixham Devon
Forgot to say 6wks ago the crisis team came out, they referred us to SS, they said l was not safe to be at home with him.

Our posts crossed! The same happened with us more than once :( Apart from one occasion Pete was sectioned each time. I can't think why this didn't happen for your OH.

Love

Lyn T XX
 

pamann

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Oct 28, 2013
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Kent
They told me they got another carer in for l to l, l have not been to see him, sons say he looks terrible, it would upset me too much, what do you think?
 

marionq

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Apr 24, 2013
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Scotland
I think you have to let this run its course Pam. Eventually they will settle him and you can visit and perhaps be some comfort to him but in this state of turmoil there would just be upset on your part which might transmit to him. You are in our thoughts during this awful time.
 

LYN T

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Aug 30, 2012
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Brixham Devon
I think you REALLY need this respite time and you should take notice of what the CH staff say. Respite is for you to recoup your energy and rest. Your Son is visiting and reporting back to you. Personally I think your OH is at a stage where he needs more help than can be offered in a CH setting until he is assessed-and definitely what you can give to him when he comes home.

Pam, I don't mean to upset you with this comment BUT how will you cope when your OH comes home? Have you ever thought that your OH now needs full time care. Sorry I don't mean to intrude but I remember how difficult life was when Pete was violent and unable to sleep. I was on my knees with tiredness.

Love

Lyn T XX
 

Kjn

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Jul 27, 2013
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They told me they got another carer in for l to l, l have not been to see him, sons say he looks terrible, it would upset me too much, what do you think?

Pam I'm not in your situation but I don't think you should visit, it won't help you or your husband at the moment , so much is happening . Your son is reporting back to you , your husband is having 1 to 1 care and more people around trying to help. Could you cope with seeing him would be my worry? Please try and rest Pam , you must be absolutely drained xxxx
 

pamann

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Oct 28, 2013
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Kent
Thank you Kjn l do not feel strong enough to see him, he cannot remember who took him to the home, which was me!! he hasn't mentioned me. So it is best that l do not go, although l feel l have abandoned him.
 

Cat27

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Feb 27, 2015
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Merseyside
Pam you haven't abandoned him. You are doing your best to get him the help & support he needs.
Sending love & hugs xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
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Kent
Your husband is safe and being cared for pamaan, even though he doesn`t know it. There`s nothing you can do to help him. If visiting him would help I`m sure you would be there. Just try to look after yourself. You are having a terrible time.
 

Kjn

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Jul 27, 2013
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Thank you Kjn l do not feel strong enough to see him, he cannot remember who took him to the home, which was me!! he hasn't mentioned me. So it is best that l do not go, although l feel l have abandoned him.

You havnt abandoned him Pam you are doing everything to help him and help you, you both need help. You cannot do this alone xxxx
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
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Brixham Devon
Abandoned him:confused: Never! I'm going to repeat myself now! The CH says not to visit-they will contact you if the need arises. Your Son says not to visit-take the advice of both. Once, when Pete was highly distressed, the CH phoned to let me know so I went along earlier than usual; the longer I stayed the worse Pete became:( Eventually they asked me to leave:( Sometimes you just can't win. Pam you REALLY haven't abandoned your OH.

Love

Lyn T XX
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
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The Sweet North
Please take all the good advice above, Pamann.
You are not well, because you have become run-down trying to cope with your OH and on top of that has come the stress of the last few days.
Please try to relax a little ( I mean really try to un-tense all your muscles ) and rest, breathe deeply and drink plenty of water.
I cannot imagine how dreadful you must be feeling, and my heart goes out to you.
 

minxie

Registered User
Dec 29, 2014
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Thank you Kjn l do not feel strong enough to see him, he cannot remember who took him to the home, which was me!! he hasn't mentioned me. So it is best that l do not go, although l feel l have abandoned him.

Morning Pamann,

I am in a similar situation! My husband was sectioned 3 weeks ago due to safety reasons, he became very aggressive towards me and extremely agitated. I now know he is safe and secure and being looked after and I am also safe.

I was advised not to see him for several days, it was so difficult, like you my son paved the way for me, but the first time I saw him was devastating BUT!! it had to be done and he is now settling very well with the right medication.

I now go everyday and feel much better for going, we are waiting for a placement for a care home for him, which is proving very difficult as he is only 55 and a very fit strong man always been very active sporty etc:

I'm thinking of you and this will pass!! Be brave like I'm sure you have been through out all of this.

Sending lots and Lots of hugs Xxxxxxxxxxxx
 

minxie

Registered User
Dec 29, 2014
10
0
Abandoned him:confused: Never! I'm going to repeat myself now! The CH says not to visit-they will contact you if the need arises. Your Son says not to visit-take the advice of both. Once, when Pete was highly distressed, the CH phoned to let me know so I went along earlier than usual; the longer I stayed the worse Pete became:( Eventually they asked me to leave:( Sometimes you just can't win. Pam you REALLY haven't abandoned your OH.

Love

Lyn T XX

Excellent post Stay Strong Pamann xxxxxxxx
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
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Kent
Thank you everyone l am just being silly l know, all your advice has helped me so much, l do have lots of support from my 2 bowls clubs, l do have plenty to do which helps take your mind off of what is going on. Thank you again xxx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
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South coast
Thank you everyone l am just being silly l know, all your advice has helped me so much, l do have lots of support from my 2 bowls clubs, l do have plenty to do which helps take your mind off of what is going on. Thank you again xxx

No, not silly, just stressed out of your mind and overwhelmed by events.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
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Essex
Oh you poor love. :( Please take the excellent advice of others, and make your first priority your own health. Hubby is being well looked after, and your son has visited. You must get yourself fit and well, and remember you've done everything possible ...... and more. xxx