Hubby going into CH for respite
- Thread starter pamann
- Start date
John had several photos of us together, and would randomly know, or not, who either of the people were. I remember him pointing to a wedding photo of us both and saying "She's wearing a nice dress. Will you wear one like that when we get married?"
Oh this hateful AD!
If he knows you and wants to go home pamann, could you tell him the doctor says he needs to build up his strength first. It`s what I said to my husband and he accepted it. Blaming it on the doctor , takes the onus off you. The doctor says you cannot take him home, he is not well enough.
If you are really worried about being unable to handle anything which might crop up, ask the staff if someone can step in to allow you to get away. Try to arrange this with the staff before you see your husband.
Your visit might be better than you expect but it`s always safer to have a contingency plan.
If you are really worried about being unable to handle anything which might crop up, ask the staff if someone can step in to allow you to get away. Try to arrange this with the staff before you see your husband.
Your visit might be better than you expect but it`s always safer to have a contingency plan.
Good advice from Grannie G, as always, but can I just add?
I know this may be difficult, but do try to leave your anxiety at the door, as he may pick up on this and become more stressed himself. We do give off vibes, and some people with dementia seem very receptive to them.
And if you can, behave and speak as though you last saw him half an hour ago. Don't refer to the length of time since you last saw him. I know these tactics don't work with everyone, but worth bearing in mind.
Thinking of you, and praying that it goes well.
I know this may be difficult, but do try to leave your anxiety at the door, as he may pick up on this and become more stressed himself. We do give off vibes, and some people with dementia seem very receptive to them.
And if you can, behave and speak as though you last saw him half an hour ago. Don't refer to the length of time since you last saw him. I know these tactics don't work with everyone, but worth bearing in mind.
Thinking of you, and praying that it goes well.
Good thoughts from Grannie G and Sleepless
May I also suggest you spend your visit in a neutral place, if at all possible - a lounge or sitting area - not in his room. So that you can be easily seen by staff and you can see them to signal for some intervention if needed; and you can walk away without hindrance if necessary ( keep bag and coat with you, or leave in your car ). And his room remains a place of good vibes for him, not the place where maybe he became upset.
I'm really not suggesting that anything untoward will happen, but if you are prepared you can make a calm exit.
And having visited once, you will be able to determine whether future visits can be more private.
Best wishes
May I also suggest you spend your visit in a neutral place, if at all possible - a lounge or sitting area - not in his room. So that you can be easily seen by staff and you can see them to signal for some intervention if needed; and you can walk away without hindrance if necessary ( keep bag and coat with you, or leave in your car ). And his room remains a place of good vibes for him, not the place where maybe he became upset.
I'm really not suggesting that anything untoward will happen, but if you are prepared you can make a calm exit.
And having visited once, you will be able to determine whether future visits can be more private.
Best wishes
Excellent advice, and remember that the staff are used to being asked to distract residents so that their loved ones can slip away unnoticed. Good luck. xxx
Absolutely, and though you must be anxious about your first "date", it's only natural, and the first time is always going to be worrying. Let's hope that everything goes smoothly for you, cos you've really deserved this break.
Hope all goes well Pam, excellent advice by other posters. I'm sure it will be very difficult for you even if there are no problems but you have coped with so much and have been so strong even if you haven't felt like it. Be thinking of you.
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I'm another person thinking of you pamann.
Fingers crossed that you have a good visit.
Love
Lyn T XX
Fingers crossed that you have a good visit.
Love
Lyn T XX
Hello Pam. I don't come onto TP often these days, so I have just come across your thread.
My husband was put into respite care after he turned violent. Initially it was for a two week period to observe him and see if his medication was suitable with his level of need. The first 24 hours were a nightmare. He destroyed a door in his temper to escape. "Fortunately" it was "only" a cupboard door, but destructive all the same. That and a few other issues necessitated the medical staff in the dementia unit to advise permanent care. Although I had suspected this would be the case, it was ultimately my decision to make. After family discussions it was decided to agree with this suggestion. It would have been an inevitable course of action at some stage, and the doctors had strongly advised us to do it. It obviously broke my heart, and although they advised a stay of a week before I visited (whilst he settled) I waited ten days, as I was struggling with lack of sleep and all the other things that were needed done. I was pleasantly surprised to see him well dressed, clean (he hadn't wanted to shower at home) and obviously well fed. He was neither happy or upset to see me, something which 4 months in hasn't changed.
I was very fortunate that his daycare facility took him to the unit, and I had taken his clothes, toiletry items etc before he arrived and they were all packed away in his room by the time he arrived.
As for when it comes time to leave, I just say "I'll just go to the loo, and I'll be back in a minute", He just nods and I disappear.The staff have to let you in and out with their number on the keypad, and they have a laugh about my supposed bladder problem.
Good luck Pam - this journey isn't easy, but we all know and understand what you are going through.
Cyber H U G S across the oceans
My husband was put into respite care after he turned violent. Initially it was for a two week period to observe him and see if his medication was suitable with his level of need. The first 24 hours were a nightmare. He destroyed a door in his temper to escape. "Fortunately" it was "only" a cupboard door, but destructive all the same. That and a few other issues necessitated the medical staff in the dementia unit to advise permanent care. Although I had suspected this would be the case, it was ultimately my decision to make. After family discussions it was decided to agree with this suggestion. It would have been an inevitable course of action at some stage, and the doctors had strongly advised us to do it. It obviously broke my heart, and although they advised a stay of a week before I visited (whilst he settled) I waited ten days, as I was struggling with lack of sleep and all the other things that were needed done. I was pleasantly surprised to see him well dressed, clean (he hadn't wanted to shower at home) and obviously well fed. He was neither happy or upset to see me, something which 4 months in hasn't changed.
I was very fortunate that his daycare facility took him to the unit, and I had taken his clothes, toiletry items etc before he arrived and they were all packed away in his room by the time he arrived.
As for when it comes time to leave, I just say "I'll just go to the loo, and I'll be back in a minute", He just nods and I disappear.The staff have to let you in and out with their number on the keypad, and they have a laugh about my supposed bladder problem.
Good luck Pam - this journey isn't easy, but we all know and understand what you are going through.
Cyber H U G S across the oceans
