Hubby going into CH for respite

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by pamann, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Need some advice
     
  2. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    I need some advice, l don't think l can take my hubby to the CH, my family feel the same, will someone from the CH collect him, he is going for 2wks to give me a break, l can't imagine how he will be as he doesn't like locked doors. Is it wise not to visit, l think it is best not to, feeling very scared
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    I don't think you should if you feel like this but I would like to know why your family can't do this? Because while I understand why they don't want to, they aren't living with him all the time as you are, and they need to provide the support they can for your sake.

    Anyway you could probably ask the care home or your your social worker to provide transport, although you should expect to pay.
     
  4. disi

    disi Registered User

    Hi pamann, I would think someone from the CH could come and collect him, or arrange transport. When Robert first went into Respite I didn't visit as I thought it would upset him. Hopefully the doors being locked won't be apparent to him so he won't notice. I am sure he will be well looked after and you can definitely have some ME well deserved time for yourself to recharge the batteries. Hope you have read Scarlett's thread about being Guilty. I know we all feel it, but do try and relax during your 2 weeks. I was very scared, but it is for the best, otherwise you cannot carry on looking after him. Thinking of you and send a big hug xx
     
  5. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,276
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Oh Pam, I also think they will collect him . Such a tough time but you do need the 2 weeks . Like Disi said I am sure hubby will be fine . My heart goes out to you xxxxxx


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  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,537
    Kent
    Hello Pamann

    My CPN came with us and when Dhiren went into permanent care two members of the Mental Health Team came then.

    I feel for you Pam, your heart will be turning over. Please ask for support but if you can, go with your husband too. The care home staff will take over when you need to leave. No one can make it easier but you need the rest and no harm will come to your husband. xx
     
  7. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you disi, jennifer, and Heike, for you advice, l am looking forward to the respite as l am worn out, l have read Scarlett's thread, which is so true we all need a break, l don'feel guilty, because l have given him 55yrs of my life, the CH hubby is going to we have visited every week for the last 2yrs, as a family member has been resident there, she died 3months ago. No other home will take him as he is a wanderer, but no longer safe to keep wandering outside, hates being trapped indoors. I am sure they will be able to manage him, as they all know him.
     
  8. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    I agree with GrannieG. It is so very hard to do and I know it was very upsetting. I left in tears but, for me, and I'm only talking about me here, it was what I had to do.
     
  9. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,159
    Female
    Chester
    Nothing to say helpful - just to say hope it all goes well x
     
  10. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I told John he was going to a hotel for a break, whilst I had an operation. I'm sure the CH can arrange transport, or perhaps SS can do this for you. I hope you've got some treats lined up for yourself. xxx
     
  11. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you Scarlett, l have so many things to do, but know l will run out of time!!! ☺
     
  12. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Good luck, pamann. Hope it all goes as well as possible and you get the rest you deserve. Good your Husband is familiar with the CH.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  13. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,119
    Female
    Scotland
    That is good, Pamann. that your husband is familiar with the care home. I hope all goes well and that you get the full benefit from respite, manage to relax, recharge your batteries.

    Our GP wanted Henry to go into respite for a week or two, but he totally refused to comply, same about attending a day centre. Do do some enjoyable things for yourself, and not too much of what you may feel 'needs to be done'.

    Love
    Loo xxx
     
  14. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you es and loo, l am booking into a spa retreat to be pampered just for 3 days.☺
     
  15. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    That sounds wonderful Pam. My husband is staying in a CH in October for the first time so I can go away with my dau for a couple of days. I hope you can plan regular breaks even if they're not very frequent. Having something to look forward to really helps.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  16. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello es this is my hubbys first respite, can't imagine how he will be, he doesn't like being in always worked outside. We must have a break l think its every 6wks, which will be great.☺
     
  17. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Pamann, my husband has been into respite three times now and is due to go again in October so I can go away with my daughters (snap Es). I never tell him in advance, I tell him the morning he is going in that I have to go away for a few days and, as no-one will be here, he is going to a sort of hotel where they will look after him. The last two times I have gone away on holiday and my daughters have gone in to see him. He has been fine. He likes to wander and as there is so much space he can walk around unhindered although, being am EMI CH, doors are locked. The staff are really good at distracting. Hope all goes well with your hubby. xxx


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  18. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank you Jinx l am feeling very positive that all will be well, as all the staff know us, they are shocked that he has deteriorated so fast, it was only 3months ago when hubby's cousin died, they knew he had AD, but not knowing how bad it was. Assessment tomorrow, fingers crossed they will accept him.
     
  19. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Hope the assessment goes well today Pam.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  20. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,276
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Thinking of you today and keeping fingers crossed for assessment Pam . Lots of love xxxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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