trouble coping cont...

[sunshine chrissy]

Well,OH goes to daycare one day a week,been going 7 weeks now,seems to enjoy it but we've been waiting for a financial assessment since June.I'm anxious about what we'll have to pay,not had a bill yet.We've no savings(another story😩)and I'm getting stressed about this to add to all the other stuff going on.I'm reaching the end of what I can cope with,I'm in tears most days worried about what's to come and if we'll have enough money for residential care,he's becoming too much for me to cope with but I couldn't manage on my own with just state pension if he goes into care.Sorru for the rant but this is the only time I get when he's not over my shoulder asking who's that,who are you texting😩

 

[jennifer1967]

Well,OH goes to daycare one day a week,been going 7 weeks now,seems to enjoy it but we've been waiting for a financial assessment since June.I'm anxious about what we'll have to pay,not had a bill yet.We've no savings(another story😩)and I'm getting stressed about this to add to all the other stuff going on.I'm reaching the end of what I can cope with,I'm in tears most days worried about what's to come and if we'll have enough money for residential care,he's becoming too much for me to cope with but I couldn't manage on my own with just state pension if he goes into care.Sorru for the rant but this is the only time I get when he's not over my shoulder asking who's that,who are you texting😩

you will probably be entitled to benefits as welllike pension credit if you are pensionable age. could you phone them about the financial assessment? just manage one day at a time. step by step and it will sort itself out. i think we would have to pay £55 i think as we are on benefits and no savings. they would take it out of his attendance allowance. i hope you have AA as well to pay it out of.

 

[Sonya1]

Well,OH goes to daycare one day a week,been going 7 weeks now,seems to enjoy it but we've been waiting for a financial assessment since June.I'm anxious about what we'll have to pay,not had a bill yet.We've no savings(another story😩)and I'm getting stressed about this to add to all the other stuff going on.I'm reaching the end of what I can cope with,I'm in tears most days worried about what's to come and if we'll have enough money for residential care,he's becoming too much for me to cope with but I couldn't manage on my own with just state pension if he goes into care.Sorru for the rant but this is the only time I get when he's not over my shoulder asking who's that,who are you texting😩

I'm fairly sure (from our own experience) that if your husband is in receipt of any private/occupational pension then you can (if you're Power of Attorney) or he can, sign to give consent for you to keep half of that in addition to your own pension. If you own your own home, then that will be disregarded from the financial assessment because you, as his wife, are still living there. (I'm assuming you're in England by the way) @sunshine chrissy , I really feel for you, you're just where we were with my Dad last year. Please ring the Alzheimer's Society helpline next time you can talk freely, they will be able to talk you through a lot of useful facts and signpost you to getting some support. Also, I seem to remember that they also have to consider (should your husband go into care) whether or not you have been a financially dependent spouse when making their financial calculations... I may not be 100% correct here so please do call the helpline, but I wanted to answer you x

 

[JaxG]

Well,OH goes to daycare one day a week,been going 7 weeks now,seems to enjoy it but we've been waiting for a financial assessment since June.I'm anxious about what we'll have to pay,not had a bill yet.We've no savings(another story😩)and I'm getting stressed about this to add to all the other stuff going on.I'm reaching the end of what I can cope with,I'm in tears most days worried about what's to come and if we'll have enough money for residential care,he's becoming too much for me to cope with but I couldn't manage on my own with just state pension if he goes into care.Sorru for the rant but this is the only time I get when he's not over my shoulder asking who's that,who are you texting😩

I feel for you, I know it is such a nightmare. Financially I am in a similar situation to you. I have looked into the financial side of things and this is what I believe to be the case. When your OH goes into care, they won't take into account your home as long as you live in it when he is alive. Since you don't have any savings I believe the care home will take your husbands state pension and half of any private pension to pay for care. As @jennifer1967 says, you may well be eligible for pension credit. I don't have a private pension and have been working to pay off my husbands debts over the last 5 years, so have not been able to save. I will carry on working, and eventually when my OH passes away I will sell our flat and move into somewhere even smaller so I can release some money (Having moved twice in two years to cover the debts I knew about!) It is such a terrible situation to be in, as if it is not bad enough being a carer for someone with dementia. Take care xxxx

 

[sunshine chrissy]

you will probably be entitled to benefits as welllike pension credit if you are pensionable age. could you phone them about the financial assessment? just manage one day at a time. step by step and it will sort itself out. i think we would have to pay £55 i think as we are on benefits and no savings. they would take it out of his attendance allowance. i hope you have AA as well to pay it out of.

I phoned them yesterday,there's a 3 month backlog but they said ring again in 2 weeks if not heard anything,been waiting since June!! I'm on state pension,nothing else,he's only 62 and on pip and esa,that's it,no savings.It's just adding to the stress of living with this absolute evil disease and he's got no idea about any of it,I'm nearly 70 and not sure I'll reach 71 right now😂

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I'm fairly sure (from our own experience) that if your husband is in receipt of any private/occupational pension then you can (if you're Power of Attorney) or he can, sign to give consent for you to keep half of that in addition to your own pension. If you own your own home, then that will be disregarded from the financial assessment because you, as his wife, are still living there. (I'm assuming you're in England by the way) @sunshine chrissy , I really feel for you, you're just where we were with my Dad last year. Please ring the Alzheimer's Society helpline next time you can talk freely, they will be able to talk you through a lot of useful facts and signpost you to getting some support. Also, I seem to remember that they also have to consider (should your husband go into care) whether or not you have been a financially dependent spouse when making their financial calculations... I may not be 100% correct here so please do call the helpline, but I wanted to answer you x

Thank you,any advice I can get is a lifeline right now❤️

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I feel for you, I know it is such a nightmare. Financially I am in a similar situation to you. I have looked into the financial side of things and this is what I believe to be the case. When your OH goes into care, they won't take into account your home as long as you live in it when he is alive. Since you don't have any savings I believe the care home will take your husbands state pension and half of any private pension to pay for care. As @jennifer1967 says, you may well be eligible for pension credit. I don't have a private pension and have been working to pay off my husbands debts over the last 5 years, so have not been able to save. I will carry on working, and eventually when my OH passes away I will sell our flat and move into somewhere even smaller so I can release some money (Having moved twice in two years to cover the debts I knew about!) It is such a terrible situation to be in, as if it is not bad enough being a carer for someone with dementia. Take care xxxx

Thank you for replying,it really helps knowing others are in a similar situation.xxx

 

[JaxG]

Thank you for replying,it really helps knowing others are in a similar situation.xxx

I do understand, it's hard enough living with this damn disease without money issues - it just seems to destroy every aspect of your life. The last 5 years have been a nightmare. My husband's business failed in 2010, so he just supplemented his income with credit cards and overdrafts and then disappeared into dementia and left me to sort it. I've been working as much as possible, have been paying into a debt management plan for 5 years, moved twice to pay some of it off, and finally made the last payment in July. He is oblivious to it all and I do feel a bit resentful but am determined not to let it ruin my life. I get my pension this year - it's not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. The only positive thing is that, without savings, SS will be responsible for finding a care home for him. I have honestly had times where, like you, I just felt life was not worth living, but now I just want it over so I stand a chance of having some quality of life and a future. You are not alone but I know being a carer is the loneliest place xxxx

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I do understand, it's hard enough living with this damn disease without money issues - it just seems to destroy every aspect of your life. The last 5 years have been a nightmare. My husband's business failed in 2010, so he just supplemented his income with credit cards and overdrafts and then disappeared into dementia and left me to sort it. I've been working as much as possible, have been paying into a debt management plan for 5 years, moved twice to pay some of it off, and finally made the last payment in July. He is oblivious to it all and I do feel a bit resentful but am determined not to let it ruin my life. I get my pension this year - it's not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. The only positive thing is that, without savings, SS will be responsible for finding a care home for him. I have honestly had times where, like you, I just felt life was not worth living, but now I just want it over so I stand a chance of having some quality of life and a future. You are not alone but I know being a carer is the loneliest place xxxx

I'm starting to look to the future right now,it's all I can do isn't it! We had money troubles years ago,he had a big gambling problem I knew nothing about,we got through that in the end,took years of counselling,all the finances have been in my name for years although our savings got wiped out when he lost his job in 2020 at the start of all this,took 3 years to get a diagnosis while living on £77 jobseeker's allowance🙄I never would have believed I'd be this strong but must admit I'm starting to sink now,it all depends on how much sleep I have!!!

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I'm fairly sure (from our own experience) that if your husband is in receipt of any private/occupational pension then you can (if you're Power of Attorney) or he can, sign to give consent for you to keep half of that in addition to your own pension. If you own your own home, then that will be disregarded from the financial assessment because you, as his wife, are still living there. (I'm assuming you're in England by the way) @sunshine chrissy , I really feel for you, you're just where we were with my Dad last year. Please ring the Alzheimer's Society helpline next time you can talk freely, they will be able to talk you through a lot of useful facts and signpost you to getting some support. Also, I seem to remember that they also have to consider (should your husband go into care) whether or not you have been a financially dependent spouse when making their financial calculations... I may not be 100% correct here so please do call the helpline, but I wanted to answer you x

Thank you❤️

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I feel for you, I know it is such a nightmare. Financially I am in a similar situation to you. I have looked into the financial side of things and this is what I believe to be the case. When your OH goes into care, they won't take into account your home as long as you live in it when he is alive. Since you don't have any savings I believe the care home will take your husbands state pension and half of any private pension to pay for care. As @jennifer1967 says, you may well be eligible for pension credit. I don't have a private pension and have been working to pay off my husbands debts over the last 5 years, so have not been able to save. I will carry on working, and eventually when my OH passes away I will sell our flat and move into somewhere even smaller so I can release some money (Having moved twice in two years to cover the debts I knew about!) It is such a terrible situation to be in, as if it is not bad enough being a carer for someone with dementia. Take care xxxx

Oh it's awful,I read so many posts on here,it makes me realise I'm not alone and some are in a worse situation than me,thank you❤️