Mum just gone into a care home

[Flaming June]

Hello, I'm new to this forum. Mum is 98 with what I think is stage 5 dementia but to be honest, we've had no help from anyone re diagnosis or advice, so have been pretty much sorting things out in the dark. Mum went into a care home this week because the strain of trying to keep her in her retirement flat had just got too much for me and my brother. We are having to self-fund and the fees are astronomical - 20% up on last year at not much under £2K a week so money's a huge worry at a time when we should be focusing on our mum. Mum's not settling in the care home which is an extra strain and now my brother and I have fallen out which makes things mega hard. Anyway, so glad to have found this forum!

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome to the Dementia Support Forum @Flaming June. It's tough when a parent goes into care even if you know that is the right decision. Trying to care for someone with dementia can often lead to fallings out in families too. My husband and his siblings all get on really well but very nearly never spoke to each other again while trying to negotiate how to care for their mum. In the end it took a lot of talking to finally agree with a way forward. I hope you and your brother can sort out your problems.
As for settling. My mum didn't really settle for a long time until her dementia advanced and even then, when she was quite content, she often appeared to want to be somewhere else. Its the nature of dementia unfortunately.
This is a very friendly place so I'm glad you've found us. There is always someone around to answer queries and it is a good place to unload as nothing is off limits.

 

[lynnefisher]

Hello, I'm new to this forum. Mum is 98 with what I think is stage 5 dementia but to be honest, we've had no help from anyone re diagnosis or advice, so have been pretty much sorting things out in the dark. Mum went into a care home this week because the strain of trying to keep her in her retirement flat had just got too much for me and my brother. We are having to self-fund and the fees are astronomical - 20% up on last year at not much under £2K a week so money's a huge worry at a time when we should be focusing on our mum. Mum's not settling in the care home which is an extra strain and now my brother and I have fallen out which makes things mega hard. Anyway, so glad to have found this forum!

Those fees are astronomical! I'm new here too ...my sister and I have just 'put' mum in a care home (just over 1K a week and self funding like you.) We had some arguments along the way and I expect more as we have totally different approaches to life and challenges. My sister will be getting back from holiday tomorrow and she'll be all ready to look at money related matters while I'm reeling with the transition of seeing our mum in a care home with worsened dementia and feeling to hell with the money. 'luckily' I'm due to have an operation on Friday...not too serious but still an operation so I'll be using that to get her off my back a bit. I know this sounds awful but it's how I feel. Anyway @flamingjune ...welcome to the forum and go easy on yourself as your mum is obviously where she needs to be.

 

[Rayreadynow]

I am not sure if this stat is correct but I read that only 25% of the cost goes on actual care while the other 75% goes on accommodation costs etc. The most sensible financial approach is to do everything you can to keep some one in there own home. However, the community support services are really not set up to provide support in a persons home.