still here,still coping
- Thread starter sunshine chrissy
- Start date
I honestly believe it’s worse for us as carers - after a degree of disorientation, the PWD is quickly carried along by the upbeat atmosphere in a good care home. This was my experience earlier in the summer during a respite fortnight, and I’m trying hard to remember that as I prepare for what is likely to be a permanent move for my husband next week. Heartbreaking decisions if you’ve been doing your best to care for years, but we’re not superhuman..and just to add that I’m really valuing the shared support from others on this helpful forum.
Have you visited yet @sunshine chrissy? I too have enjoyed my few days of peace, at least 50% of me has and the other 50% is feeling guilty that I am able to carry on with my life and he is not. The dementia changed his life obviously but he seemed happy with what he had and now things have changed. In some respects it could be better as I feel there is more stimulation in the dementia unit and different people around him but not what he would choose. Time will tell.
I have read and reread @sunshine chrissy and @The Saint posts and others words and feel like they are my own. It’s four and a half weeks since my OH went into the care home. It is getting a little easier but I still feel half of me wants to rush over and bring her home. And the other half of me is just a little relieved to be able to live my life a little. But as I let myself appreciate that refound life sometimes a crushing grief and guilt over whelm me. I know it’s a good home, nice environment, light bright and cheerful, and the staff are great, but she just wants to come home. And she cries a lot sometimes. She can no long read, write, follow the TV unless it’s really simple. She knows who I am but forgot who our great granddaughter was the other day. It’s heart breaking. And she is unable to walk due to other physical issues and she finds everything a trial. She is so sad and feels I have abandoned her.
All our family and friends reassure me I’ve done the right thing for her and me. But it’s such a marginal thing sometimes. My head definitely agrees, but oh my heart aches.
I said to myself the other day when accepting an invitation to go to a friends birthday celebration that it would be rude not to go. Not because it’s my friends birthday, she would understand, but because my OH is in care so I can have a life, and if I don’t try for that life, what’s the point. Felt a bit of a negative way to put it but it helped.
Sending my love to all others whose head tells them one thing and their heart the other. Thank you for sharing and understanding and for being there. HS x
All our family and friends reassure me I’ve done the right thing for her and me. But it’s such a marginal thing sometimes. My head definitely agrees, but oh my heart aches.
I said to myself the other day when accepting an invitation to go to a friends birthday celebration that it would be rude not to go. Not because it’s my friends birthday, she would understand, but because my OH is in care so I can have a life, and if I don’t try for that life, what’s the point. Felt a bit of a negative way to put it but it helped.
Sending my love to all others whose head tells them one thing and their heart the other. Thank you for sharing and understanding and for being there. HS x
❤️
Not yet,my son went today,the first visitor he's had.More family are going over the weekend,my first visit will be Monday with my eldest daughter,I'm dreading it incase he gets upset and agitated,my son said he kept saying are you taking me home now🥲The staff say he's eating all his meals and been dancing in the lounge.He's walking round all day long and not sleeping much,same as he was at home.I feel the same as you,enjoying the peace and a clean house but sad and guilty at the same time.I actually sat and read for an hour today,it was bliss! I love reading but hardly done any for a long time.I got a call from social services today,they're extending his respite to 6 weeks,don't know why,maybe they finally understand how bad things were at home and that I was at breaking point,they've been doing their best for months to talk me into a few hours home care here and there,door sensors,volunteer sitters while I go out etc.Maybe this is the first step towards permanent care. All I can think is he's declined so fast the last 6 months and it's just going to carry on.I can't bear the thought of them sending him home and having to go through this week again in a few months time😭
@sunshine chrissy I think that the fact that they have increased the respite to six weeks indicates that they think that it is time for permanent care, at least I hope so for your sake.
Lovely that you had some time to read @sunshine chrissy
im pleased ur oh has been the same in the care home - maybe this week has shown them how unsustainable it is for him to be at home.
xx
im pleased ur oh has been the same in the care home - maybe this week has shown them how unsustainable it is for him to be at home.
xx
Hi @sunshine chrissy. I agree with @SeaSwallow , the fact that they have increased the respite to six weeks could indicates that they think that it is time for permanent care.
Sounds like he's enjoying it, eating all his meals and dancing in the lounge.
Sounds like he's enjoying it, eating all his meals and dancing in the lounge.
I'm glad you are finally getting a break. And yes, if they have extended his stay to 6 weeks it does sound like they realise how tough it has been for you and that permanent care is probably the best solution for you both. For me the saddest thing is remembering what my OH was like 30 or 40 years ago, but It is so hard to remember while you are living this nightmare as a carer. I really hope it works out for you @sunshine chrissy xx
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