Me,still coping😩

[SeaSwallow]

You have done your best for many years now it is time to accept that it is time for residential care. You will still be his carer, just in a different way. xxxx

 

[Agzy]

Thank you to everyone for your replies,I've decided to try for respite,time to clear my head and think,you can't think straight when you're in the middle of it can you?This forum really helps in so many ways,I can see people in even worse situations than I am and people who've got it all to come,I've taken something to think about from all your replies,thanks again for taking the time,it's the only time I would say,and believe,we're all in this together❤️Oh and now a fruit fly has landed in my last glass of wine-should I pour it away?Course not,Ive dealt with worse hygiene issues than this😂x

Good to hang on to a sense of humour if you can 😊

 

[sunshine chrissy]

Actually, he's a danger to you too, in terms of the toll that his behaviour is taking on your physical and mental health. All sorts of things have been tried medication-wise and nothing has worked. A team of people who work shifts and then go home and rest and have a life outside caring is now needed IMO because a sole carer can't cope with such extreme behaviour.

👍

 

[sunshine chrissy]

Good to hang on to a sense of humour if you can 😊

👍

 

[sunshine chrissy]

FWIW I agree with the mental health nurse. I have been thinking for some time that your situation is unsustainable.

I know that you have tried really hard to keep him at home, but his dementia is more than one person can cope with in a domestic situation and this new development of walking out, inappropriately dressed, along a very busy fast road is IMO the final straw.

Everyone is now saying the same thing. Please accept it
xxxx

I'm thinking of nothing else now,I seem to have a better perspective of it all since the phonecall,my family are all but cheering that in a way Ive"come to my senses"-they've all been waiting for me to say ENOUGH.I can't stop being so sad about it all but it's got to be better for both of us.I still can't believe how fast this FTD has progressed😭x

 

[canary]

I can't stop being so sad about it all but it's got to be better for both of us.I still can't believe how fast this FTD has progressed

Of course you are sad and I think everything has happened so fast that you have become overwhelmed and unable to think straight. Sometimes it takes someone from outside to see what we cant.
xx

 

[jay6]

Time to put yourself first @sunshine chrissy. You've done all you can. You will be able to still see each other but without all the stress. Sending you a big ((hug))

 

[sunshine chrissy]

Of course you are sad and I think everything has happened so fast that you have become overwhelmed and unable to think straight. Sometimes it takes someone from outside to see what we cant.
xx

👍

 

[sunshine chrissy]

FWIW I agree with the mental health nurse. I have been thinking for some time that your situation is unsustainable.

I know that you have tried really hard to keep him at home, but his dementia is more than one person can cope with in a domestic situation and this new development of walking out, inappropriately dressed, along a very busy fast road is IMO the final straw.

Everyone is now saying the same thing. Please accept it
xxxx

👍

 

[sunshine chrissy]

👍

Had a call from social services today,Lucy the MH nurse got in touch as promised,on the phone for 40 mins answering questions,asked me would a weeks respite for him help,I got all teary and upset and suddenly from nowhere I found myself saying how will that help,he'll come back and nothing will have changed,back to sleepless nights and not leaving him on his own.She said I'll get back to you later.She rang a few hours later,she's coming to do an "assessment of needs"on thursday morning and now I'm stressing about that! I'm writing right now about things I forgot to tell her on the phone,I didn't expect the call so soon and now I'm crying about how he'll cope when and if it comes.He still doesn't sleep more than a few hours at a time and never in the day,I really can't do this anymore but can't face him never coming through this door again and I really hope she will see how things are when she comes this thursday,I want someone to make a decision and take it out of my hands,long rant sorry!!

 

[canary]

suddenly from nowhere I found myself saying how will that help,he'll come back and nothing will have changed,back to sleepless nights and not leaving him on his own

This is the truth, but youve been supressing it for so long its hidden deep within you. But its out now and I do hope it gets resolved - what you are doing is unsustainable
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[JaxG]

Things have changed today,I had the usual fortnightly phonecall from Lucy the mental health nurse,told her everything that's happened lately,she said you won't want to hear this but you need to think about 24/7 care for him now,he's a danger to himself😩She's getting in touch with social care to voice her concerns and she'll be in touch soon.I was in shock,I thought she'd be upping his meds or arranging respite for me,I've been in tears all afternoon but relieved in a sad way,I've been sat here all night thinking about myself and how I've changed this last year,I've become isolated apart from the few hours on a monday morning when I meet my best friend for a coffee in town.Time to let go and let him have the care I can't give him😭

I am so relieved for you, I know it's sad but I just don't know how you've coped up to now, he needs more than you can give him. As you say he is a danger to himself, but the physical and mental strain will have taken it's toll on your health too. I completely understand your sadness, for your husband but also for yourself and the loss of your life too. Take care - I hope this brings peace for you both ❤️

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I am so relieved for you, I know it's sad but I just don't know how you've coped up to now, he needs more than you can give him. As you say he is a danger to himself, but the physical and mental strain will have taken it's toll on your health too. I completely understand your sadness, for your husband but also for yourself and the loss of your life too. Take care - I hope this brings peace for you both ❤️

❤️

 

[sunshine chrissy]

❤️

Well I'll find out on Thursday when the assessments done.He slept for 6 hours last night so I coped better today,I'm stalling again now aren't I?😩x

 

[2ndAlto]

I have no experience of this and only from what I've read on here - but it does seem as though many of our partners with dementia actually become calmer and more settled when in a care home. As I say, I can't say this from experience and maybe others will agree or contradict me - I'm only at the beginning of this horrible journey (and already thinking "Is this all there is?")
Anyway this isn't about me - I hope you can tell the MH nurse exactly what the situation is and she can help.

 

[Violet Jane]

You had one good night but that's a rarity. The odd good day or good night don't cancel out weeks and months of awful days and nights. Your response to the offer of respite expressed what you truly felt: you can't go on caring for your husband on your own at home any more.

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I have no experience of this and only from what I've read on here - but it does seem as though many of our partners with dementia actually become calmer and more settled when in a care home. As I say, I can't say this from experience and maybe others will agree or contradict me - I'm only at the beginning of this horrible journey (and already thinking "Is this all there is?")
Anyway this isn't about me - I hope you can tell the MH nurse exactly what the situation is and she can help.

❤️

 

[sunshine chrissy]

You had one good night but that's a rarity. The odd good day or good night don't cancel out weeks and months of awful days and nights. Your response to the offer of respite expressed what you truly felt: you can't go on caring for your husband on your own at home any more.

Well I'm ready for the assessment tomorrow,got everything written down about our day to day life.He slept through last night and went to bed tonight at 8pm,not heard a peep from him yet.I feel better than I have in weeks but that's because I've had some sleep the past few nights,it's all about the sleep isn't it!! Let's see what they say tommorrw cos I've no idea whether the Risperidone is finally kicking in,maybe the dementia is progressing or it's just a blip and I'll be back to ranting and moaning tomorrow night🙄

 

[canary]

Hope the assessment goes well today
xx

 

[Purple rain 50]

Thinking of you & hope today goes well x