Mum just moved into care home

[Lepsade]

Hi. New to this forum. It loooks good. My mother moved into a care home two months ago. She kept falling at home with arthritis but also has early stage dementia. She is a real loner, almost a hermit. She hates being in a care home, wants to move into a flat and live alone. Says the careers don’t line her. Blames me for it all. very hard. I feel guilty, sorry for her. But I know it’s best. I see her 2-3 times a week. But wish I could help her settle and mix - she just stays in her room unless I visit and says she doesn’t want to meet anyone in the home.

 

[SkyeD]

Hi @Lepsade
This forum has been my saviour. My mum was in a care home for the last 7 months of her life. I had to give her time to settle and by the end, she was content and felt loved. You've done the best thing for your mum - she's safe, secure and should be well looked after. Please keep posting - there are lots of lovely people on here who offer support.
S x

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Lepsade and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your mother. Two months is still quite early days. It takes a while for new care home residents to settle, get used to the routines, start considering the place as where they live (if not home), bond with the carers and transfer dependence to them. Homes try to promote independence, choice and personalised care. If your mother chooses to stay in her room that's ok. If she is tempted out to join in with activities, to see a show or whatever that's fine too.

Give it some time and hopefully things will improve. Do come back here anytime you need help, support or to let off steam.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Lepsade and I just wanted to give you a welcome too to this forum. We are a friendly bunch of people and are happy to share our experience of dementia to help.
I would echo what @northumbrian_k has said - you must give it time - don't feel guilty - you have done the right thing - you know she is being well cared for and safe. That is paramount.

 

[Hartwick]

Hi. New to this forum. It loooks good. My mother moved into a care home two months ago. She kept falling at home with arthritis but also has early stage dementia. She is a real loner, almost a hermit. She hates being in a care home, wants to move into a flat and live alone. Says the careers don’t line her. Blames me for it all. very hard. I feel guilty, sorry for her. But I know it’s best. I see her 2-3 times a week. But wish I could help her settle and mix - she just stays in her room unless I visit and says she doesn’t want to meet anyone in the home.

Hi I understand mum is in a CH for 8 weeks they have lots going on but unfortunately she has literally not slept at night has Vascular Dementia they are trying medication but not worked I just wish she was settled. I hope your mum settles.

 

[canary]

Hi I understand mum is in a CH for 8 weeks they have lots going on but unfortunately she has literally not slept at night has Vascular Dementia they are trying medication but not worked I just wish she was settled. I hope your mum settles.

Being awake at night is incredibly common in dementia and a care home that understands dementia should be able to deal with it. My mum was awake and wandering during the night the whole time she was in her care home, but non of the staff worried about it. They made her tea and toast and tried to encourage her to go back to bed, but if she refused they didnt worry.

 

[Hartwick]

Being awake at night is incredibly common in dementia and a care home that understands dementia should be able to deal with it. My mum was awake and wandering during the night the whole time she was in her care home, but non of the staff worried about it. They made her tea and toast and tried to encourage her to go back to bed, but if she refused they didnt worry.

Thankyou for your reassuring words I just hope they take that stance so far they have but they did at the other week it was proving a challenge for the night staff which worried me then start thinking what if they suggested moving her which would be disastrous.

 

[canary]

Thankyou for your reassuring words I just hope they take that stance so far they have but they did at the other week it was proving a challenge for the night staff which worried me then start thinking what if they suggested moving her which would be disastrous.

Some care homes wont accept people who are awake and wandering at night (especially if they are not secure), but I can only say that if this is the case in your mums home, then they do not understand dementia properly and its not the right place for her. If its a good dementia home, then there shouldnt be a problem

 

[lynnefisher]

Hi. New to this forum. It loooks good. My mother moved into a care home two months ago. She kept falling at home with arthritis but also has early stage dementia. She is a real loner, almost a hermit. She hates being in a care home, wants to move into a flat and live alone. Says the careers don’t line her. Blames me for it all. very hard. I feel guilty, sorry for her. But I know it’s best. I see her 2-3 times a week. But wish I could help her settle and mix - she just stays in her room unless I visit and says she doesn’t want to meet anyone in the home.

Hello @Lepsade ...my mum was a hermit too and seemed happy. Now she's in a care home because she had a fall at home and her dementia worsened and shes a very different mother now. I feel for you so much and your mum blaming you ...well I just can't imagine how that must feel. Go easy on yourself ...you're doing your utmost by the sound of it so take some time for yourself.