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Sugar in her coffee

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
That’s good news :) They will all want /need the business once we get back to a more even keel , glad they were accommodating , a confused but happy mum sounds ok. Can you Skype mum or just normal phone call ?
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
That sounds a confusing phone call but at least mum was cheery. I find if mums cheery or calm I can cope with confused better than when she's upset, though it is mind boggling what comes out with isn't it.
Glad to hear you've not lost out on your cancelled wales trip, shame its not able to happen now but at least shouldn't be left out of pocket x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
That’s good news :) They will all want /need the business once we get back to a more even keel , glad they were accommodating , a confused but happy mum sounds ok. Can you Skype mum or just normal phone call ?
It was just on the telephone. CH is not in total lock down which surprises me but they are offering Skype calls - I just need to download Skype.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
They all seem to be working hard to keep people in as much contact as possible . The staff must be working extra hard keeping morale up .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
So rightly or wrongly and I guess I will never know for certainty I went to Mum’s CH on Sunday and brought her back to mine for lunch. CH still allowing next of kin to visit and Manager agreed to Mum coming to mine as only me and OH. Mum was waiting in reception when I arrived and was crying. It seemed to take her a minute or so to realise who I was. She was crying because ‘she was unhappy and the staff had been laughing about her behind her back’
So although I had intended to just to go straight in and collect Mum I ended up having to sit next to her in reception until she calmed down. I asked her if she wanted to come to mine for lunch and she said yes. We got to the car and she got in and then told me she needed some clean knickers and trousers as she had wet herself and that is why the staff had been laughing. Back to the door of the CH - rang the buzzer and asked if someone could get Mum some clean knickers and trousers and her walking stick. Lovely staff member managed to get required items so brought Mum home and ‘popped’ her in the bathroom so she could have a wash down and then change. Mum perked up a bit over lunch and chatted away - unfortunately having a different conversation to anything me and OH mentioned. I noticed this last week when I visited and I am finding it a bit weird. However I just chat back to Mum about what she was talking about until it all changes again and then I go along with that. She did seem content and not agitated by it and did not struggle much with words but then if the sentence does not make sense you do not need to find the right word. After lunch we sat in the lounge and I gave her her Mother’s Day presents but it was for my benefit not hers as she just looked in the bag but did not really see what was in it or what it was about even though I said it was because she is such a special Mum. I had to suggest to her that she might like to open her card which she did but I don’t think she made sense of it. After she drank her coffee she said she thought I should take her home now otherwise I would be driving around after it had got dark. So 3pm we headed back to the home. After a little hug and a kiss she headed back upstairs with a carer.
I think that will be the last time she comes to my house as I see her heading even more into her world. Did not go to CH today and I guess after today’s announcement I won’t be unless as someone else posted they need volunteers in the home. Otherwise I will try a Skype call that the CH are trying to organise.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
Aw sorry it was an upsetting start to your mums visit x good that she calmed and sounds like she did enjoy meal and company even if she didn't stay long. Some days when my mum cones to mine she is talking about going home mid afternoon before it gets dark too.
She said it on Sunday cos she didn't want to be walking down there in the dark. She iften thinks she's walked up to my house by herself when in truth she has never done it in 27 years I've been married as I've never lived close enough to be married and we can't think who has lived 'up there' in walking distance of her thats she's mixing me up with. Its funny how they want to come out but then seem to want to go back isn't it.
This virus is going to make visiting loved ones near impossible and that is such a shame as by end of this isolation period I imagine a lot of people dementia will have progressed quite a bit.
Its good home are trying to sort skype and other means of keeping in touch. 🤗 Hugs x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
What a lovely thing to have done for your mum . Sounds like a lovely afternoon . It makes me feel so sad that our PWD feel people are laughing at them, being unkind when the reality is not so. My mum stopped going to her favourite club about 18 months ago as she said some ladies were horrible to her , dad was so upset at the fact someone could be mean to her when she has always been a kind hearted person looking after everyone else , he also missed that 2 hours to himself . I now realise that those ladies prob said nothing mean to mum but it was her mind distorting or filling in blanks . She never seemed upset by those things she thought occurred though . I hope you manage to Skype mum . Take care . 🤗 X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
The CH rang me this morning to ask if they could move Mum from the 2nd floor dementia wing to the ground floor as they currently only had 4 people upstairs. I said Yes but said after all this was over that they would have to talk Mum into going back upstairs. Mum has always been asking for a downstairs room as each room opens into the garden. I have told them they must ensure that the garden is secure at all times though as I think Mum might just take herself off for a walk. However access to the garden might actually have a positive benefit of settling her as she would often potter out into the garden when she was at home.
Rang CH back later to talk to Mum. I asked her how she was and she said Bl***y awful (very unlike Mum). When I asked why, she said they were still trying to get the ferry back from France but nobody knew anything and her friends were stranded there too and she had no money for coffee. Then she said her Dad had rang her but had then said he could not talk to her for long and her Aunt Alice was meant to visit but hadn’t turned up. Also she did like the fact that they were bringing beer kegs through her room all day and night. Then it changed into her being stuck on an island and why would I not help her and why was I at home when I should be sorting out this mess and that she was very disappointed in me and that I had betrayed her. She then put the phone down on me. Yep I had a little cry even though I know it was not Mum.
Sent text to brother saying she had moved rooms which then ended up in a phone call later to discuss some other issues we needed to discuss. Whilst on the phone I receive a text and then OH’s mobile starts ringing. The CH, so I cut brother off. It is the activities coordinator asking if I could speak to Mum as Mum is going frantic as she remembers that she was angry at me and had put the phone down on me several days ago (in reality 3 hours had passed) so Mum is crying and saying she is sorry and I am telling her I love her and she has no need to apologise. Then she is back into being scared because she doesn’t have any money and doesn’t know where she is going to sleep. So I tell her that she has a bed in room 6 opposite the nice lady B. I tell her I have paid all the bills that needed paying so she doesn’t have to worry. Then she started saying I shouldn’t have to pay and I said it alright you can settle up when it is all sorted. I told her if she looked in her handbag she would find some money for odds and ends if she needed it but meanwhile I would make sure her accommodation, food and drinks was all paid for. She seemed happy with this and became more settled. She asked me when I could come and see her. I said nobody is allowed to travel at the moment until the government says we can and she said o yes I remember now. I told her I would keep speaking to her on the phone to make sure she was ok.
Activities coordinator text me later to say Mum was much calmer and was sitting at the reception desk helping the receptionist with her paperwork. So it ended well.
just wish this imaginary ferry would start operating again and get her back to the uk!!!!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
Oh dear @Bikerbeth what a hard day for you and mum. Its just so hard to hear all these worries they have when they aren't real isn't it. No wonder you cried after she hung up, like you say its not your mum saying those things and being angry at you but it feels like it and its also as upsetting that she feels like that too.
It sounds like you did a good job of calming her down on the second call and it was nice of activities coordinator to let you know she had settled down later to put your mind at rest.
It is so upsetting though that she has been upset over something that is her mind playing tricks mixing things up and she doesn't need to be upset about. Its a s###ty cruel disease that hurts our loved ones and also us. 🤗 🤗 Big virtual hug for you both .
I hope the downstairs room suits your mum and she enjoys the garden and settles 🤞.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
The room move sounds like a bonus for the garden . They will have some serious persuading to do to get mum back upstairs I’m sure . Rather them than you ! Hope mum enjoys the garden , especially while it’s so lovely out there . Glad you got the text to reassure you later in the day and hoping you are feeling better now . 🤗 . X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
Oh dear @Bikerbeth what a hard day for you and mum. Its just so hard to hear all these worries they have when they aren't real isn't it. No wonder you cried after she hung up, like you say its not your mum saying those things and being angry at you but it feels like it and its also as upsetting that she feels like that too.
It sounds like you did a good job of calming her down on the second call and it was nice of activities coordinator to let you know she had settled down later to put your mind at rest.
It is so upsetting though that she has been upset over something that is her mind playing tricks mixing things up and she doesn't need to be upset about. Its a s###ty cruel disease that hurts our loved ones and also us. 🤗 🤗 Big virtual hug for you both .
I hope the downstairs room suits your mum and she enjoys the garden and settles 🤞.
Thx @annielou it is certainly is a sh***ty cruel disease. It is hateful when they (pwd) are crying like a small child as they are so scared. Thanks for the hugs.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
Thanks @Woo2 - I really do think the garden will help and make it feel less like a prison to her which is how she frequently refers to the CH. . I am fine now thx. Got a pile of paperwork to do tomorrow. However did plant carrot seeds into some long troughs today and placed in the sunshine. Then saw the weather forecast of frost tonight and made OH lift them inside into a brick built ‘shed’ we have at the bottom of the garden.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
Hubby is itching to plant his seeds but is waiting a little longer, the frost was harsh this morning . Have some on the go in the greenhouse and he is watching them daily ! Look forward to the pictures in Autumn . Paperwork sounds fun ... not ! Supposed to be nice again tom :) hope you get to enjoy some of it . Take care.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
30 min Queue and wait to pay Mum’s CH fee in the bank today. No idea why CH can’t work with direct debit. As I only have 3rd party mandate I can’t do internet banking. Could not be bothered to queue at supermarket so called into little shops to get bread, coffee and juice. Only 4pt cartons of milk which is too much for me so hopefully I can last out. Rest will have to wait until Monday as not tackling shops at weekend as I am sure that is the only time some people are able to go.
Rang CH up and it was the activities coordinator who answered. She said how helpful and caring Mum is. She then transferred me to one of the carers who got Mum. Mum had a little chat and then said ‘I need to go soon or that tall girl (the activities coordinator) will want me to do something so I’m hiding from her. It made me chuckle
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
Some of our banks are shut as lots of staff off sick . Oh that gave me a much needed laugh about mum and the activities coordinator 😁 This is what confuses me how they manage to remember about it and to work out a plan to hide. Very amusing though . Hope the milk eeks out until Monday . Have a good weekend . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,766
Yorkshire
:D Bless your mum saying she's hiding lol. We got mums carer bill today and it says pay by cheque, mum doesn't have a cheque book so we'll need to find ours to write one and then mum pay us. Might ring them next week and see if there is any other way to pay although nothing is mentioned on invoice so assuming not. 🤞🥛 lasts x
 

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