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Sugar in her coffee

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,219
I must admit I said no one could leave their houses at the moment unless to go to work and she said she knew that but even so I should still visit her. I gave up at that point. I think the reality is she just wants me to go to see her as she knows that I would take her out for a walk.
I am not sure your mother is still that connected with the world? I suspect she just wants you to visit her (understandably) and cannot comprehend why you can't - so of course it must be that you don't care. You can't reason with her out of that unfortunately. You are both sad that you can't meet, but you are the only one who understands the reason. I hope the Skype call goes well.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Don’t think we had hob nobs in our local @annielou but we did have others - fortunately I do have a stock of plain choc digestives. I think I will have to post you a selection @Woo2.
I would like to say Skype call @Woo2 and @annielou was a success but unfortunately not. Mum did see me wave to her but then stuck her nose to the laptop screen. She threatened to smack another lady if she did not go away (mum already has a problem with this lady as she does stand right in front of you and jabs her fingers at you). i was told by Mum that she had got off the boat back from South Africa but not got the job she had applied for so she was bored. Please could I go and see her. Noticed she was wearing someone else’s glasses. After talking to mum asked activities coordinator (who arranged Skype) if she or someone could find her proper ones. She took laptop down to Mum’s room and I suggested a few places to look but no success.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
I am not sure your mother is still that connected with the world? I suspect she just wants you to visit her (understandably) and cannot comprehend why you can't - so of course it must be that you don't care. You can't reason with her out of that unfortunately. You are both sad that you can't meet, but you are the only one who understands the reason. I hope the Skype call goes well.
Hi. Thanks for your comments. I think in a good moment she just about realises but she is definitely deteriorating and is definitely more stressed and anxious. It was tomorrow she was meant to get her referral to the mental health team from the GP but that has gone out the window.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,927
South East
Don’t think we had hob nobs in our local @annielou but we did have others - fortunately I do have a stock of plain choc digestives. I think I will have to post you a selection @Woo2.
I would like to say Skype call @Woo2 and @annielou was a success but unfortunately not. Mum did see me wave to her but then stuck her nose to the laptop screen. She threatened to smack another lady if she did not go away (mum already has a problem with this lady as she does stand right in front of you and jabs her fingers at you). i was told by Mum that she had got off the boat back from South Africa but not got the job she had applied for so she was bored. Please could I go and see her. Noticed she was wearing someone else’s glasses. After talking to mum asked activities coordinator (who arranged Skype) if she or someone could find her proper ones. She took laptop down to Mum’s room and I suggested a few places to look but no success.
I am sorry to hear it didn’t go great , did it make you feel any better for seeing mum ? Hmm the glasses seem a common problem , you would think I would be able to keep a track on mums seeing as they can only be in 2 rooms but no they manage to disappear too frequently :( I go through her room with no luck only for her to waltz out with them days later like they were there the whole time . Have just eaten some Jaffa cakes and hot x bun, not the same as a biscuit though with my tea . Hubby has put tons of insulation on his newly planted potatoes , might take a picture in the morning , he was tucking them in like they were babies😁 just ordered a ton of compost , you know what I will be doing in the next few days💪.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,246
Yorkshire
Oh thats such a shame @Bikerbeth so sorry skype call didn't go well 🤗 Your mum really does seem more frequently confused and could have done with the Gp referral. I was thinking that it would be coming up soon earlier today and thought I bet it has been cancelled. Its a shame that gp can't do phone appointment and refer her anyway. I know health services are pushed to limits with the virus but it such a shame everything else is having to be left for a while isn't it. I hope things get a bit more normal soon and your mum can get some help with her anxiety, things move slow enough at best of times don't they.
If mum thinks she's just got off boat from South Africa she'll not believe you can't travel and visit her making explaining it harder. x
Wonder if your mum picked up someone elses glasses thinking they were hers, or if one of staff gave her them as they thought they were hers? I hope they get the right ones soon 🤞Someone could make a fortune if they could invent a glasses identifying system, maybe a recording in arm saying I am Annielous glasses when you pressed them or something.
Sending a virtual hug for you 🤗 And a virtual biscuit for @Woo2 🍪 xx
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
I don’t think you are grumpy at all @Woo2. I hope you enjoyed your virtual biscuit. Only butter, sugar and flour for your daughters to make you some shortbread ;)
Or would it be more trouble than its worth.
I think I felt worse seeing her as she did not look very good - no minimal makeup (which she was still wearing) and because she was agitated. The ‘borrowed’ glasses also did not help.
I think most glassses you can get some kind of mark on but the ones she choose last year were rimless and have the narrowest of arms. I kept thinking I would try and put some tippex marking on them but never got round to it.
on the positive I did order her 4 short sleeved t-shirts online as she only has one with her as she went into the home in Winter. The rest are still in her house (which of course we cannot sell at the moment) and is 70 miles away.
hugs to you @annielou if you need them - just about to catch up on your posts but was so tired last night
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,927
South East
Hopefully you get to see mum looking a bit brighter, happier next time . It’s such a shame it didn’t work out as hoped but maybe next time it will. Isn’t this disease just so giving . :(
Enjoyed the biscuit thanks . Hope you have a good day .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,369
@Bikerbeth, sorry the skype call didn't go too well. My mum was getting more and more confused about her glasses before she went into the home, often wearing a totally useless reading pair instead of her proper ones. None of them really helped as her eyesight is extremely poor due to macular degeneration. She's lost them all since going into the home, so I got her eyes tested when a company came out just before the lockdown started. I wasn't sure whether to bother to get her any as she now thinks she never wore glasses, but decided to anyway, just in case they help a little. Her name will be engraved on the arms, but I fully expect them to disappear very quickly.
Due to mum's eyesight and my deafness I'm not bothering to attempt to phone or skype her. I am sending in cards for her and I can see pictures of what she's up to on FaceBook. She looked quite jolly in the last one, but the one before that she was glaring, I think because it was with a carer she doesn't like!
 
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Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Thanks @Sarasa . That is definitely a ‘snap’ with the glasses in the similarities. Mum was occasionally wearing reading glasses when I arrived in the morning. I had thought about taking the reading glasses away as she does not seem to read anymore to avoid confusion, but life changes of course. Her glasses are still not found but I think I need to let it go for the time being as Mum is managing without them. These are not normal times and it seems the staff are really struggling at the moment and as there is no Manager there there is no leadership.
Mum did not have her GP’s appointment - it may not have happened but basically it was ignored as there was no staff to do it anyway. There was an agency nurse today but as she had not worked at the CH before she obviously prioritised meds.
Half of me says I have to let the GP appointment go for now - staff overloaded, difficult times but the other half says it is not right that Mum is so anxious and a slight adjustment of her medication could bring some stability back.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,246
Yorkshire
It's hard to know what best to do at moment isn't it. Its a shame everything else is being left at moment as though this isn't the same as virus I know, but your mums mental health and well being are important and I imagine in her increasingly anxious state she is needing more care and reassurance from CH staff. I wonder if you would get anywhere if you contacted mums gp surgery and explained that her anxiety has worsened a lot and she hasn't been able to have her appointment about it. You know things are stretched at the moment but mum is struggling and needing more care which is having to come from staff at home as you can not go in at moment to help and it is having a serious effect on both of your mental healths and putting extra strain on staff at care home so is there any way the gp can increase/change her medication.
When mum was prescribed her sertraline by memory clinic they didn't actually come out to see her before prescribing, me and my sister explained how she was over phone (a few times) then there was a meeting between support worker and prescribing dr at clinic and they rang me afterwards to say they were giving mum a prescription which they sent out. They did come out to check on mum after she'd been taking it a while to check her blood pressure, ask if any side effects and thats when they increased her dose as she was getting upset, but I bet if CH have a bp monitor those checks could be done over phone to the gp.
You may not get anywhere with GP surgery but it may be worth a go x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Good day today. Mum was cheery on the phone, She said that now she had got her job at the hospital and was busy she felt a lot better. She was going to have to follow up though as she had not got her uniform yet. Anyway she said she couldn’t chat for long as she might get into trouble and would have to start work again soon. Mum always wanted to be a nurse but her Dad would not let her. In this case if it gave her a little happiness I am pleased and I was not going to disillusion her.
Normal nurse at the CH rang to say they would be keeping an eye on Mum’s anxiety levels and if they did get ‘significantly’ worse they would get a Dr in.
productive day for me in garden but need to spray both strawberry plants and raspberry canes tomorrow as the pests are invading. Also spent a few hours clearing out the ‘study’ getting rid of loads of old paperwork- about 18 inches high - ready to burn/shred. OH wants to start preparing/decorating next week.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,927
South East
Ah I’m so pleased you had a better call with mum :) , you have had a super productive day , we have new shoots from the seeds so happy hubby today . He has a heater on in the greenhouse, they are molly coddled plants ! hope you mange to get rid of pesky critters , slugs have munched my hosta already and its only just come out .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,246
Yorkshire
Oh bless her, better that what she imagines today is something nice and she was cheerful about it for a change. I hope they do keep an eye on her anxiety levels and get dr out for her if worsen again x
Sounds like you've been busy today. 👍 I love strawberries, we had a strawberry patch when I was growing up and we used to have them every day for weeks in summer. Ones from supermarket never taste as good as I remember them from the garden.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Glad to hear you have a happy hubby as he mollycoddles those plants. Mine are having to tough it outside. Suggestions seem to be a soap flake/water mix @Woo2 to spray on the leaves so I am going to try that to get rid of the bugs and I will also put some on the gooseberries as the caterpillars ate all the leaves last year. I will see what happens. Is it time to put some beer out for those slugs - never tried it myself. A drunken way to go might not be too bad.
We brought 4 plants of 4 differing strawberry varieties last year @annielou and 2 were absolutely heaven. As you say far better than the forced ones in the supermarket. OH not keen on them so I just wandered down the garden, picked a few, washed them and then munched away.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,369
Glad you had a better call with your mum. So sad her father wouldn't let her be a nurse and she couldn't defy him. My MiL's father didn't want her to go to university and at the time father's had to sign the forms. She found a university that didn't want that and went anyway. It was a good choice as that's where she met my father in law, and of course if she hadn't I wouldn't have met my husband. Hope the home can go along with the idea and give her some 'nurse' related tasks. I've been doing the on-line Understanding Dementia course from the University of Tasmania's WIcking Centre, and one of the things it says is giving PWD tasks that relate to their previous lives. One contributor said that rolling bandages would be the sort of task a retired nurse might enjoy and be capable of doing.
I have a backyard not a garden, but it is south facing and there is room for a few tubs, a half size shed and a table and chairs. I've been trying to get out there everyday to spruce it up and make it look as good as possible. I see that there has been debate as to whether buying compost and plants is really necessary at present. I'd say it was essential. I've just received three chili plants that will go out in a tub when the weather is warmer, now need to track down some compost. I have a tub of strawberries too, that is surprisingly productive.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,927
South East
I was going to put some egg shells around the base as hubby won’t use his beer 🤪 That or some gravel . We do have a lot outside , there is only a few in greenhouse. Mil always puts a diluted fairy liquid spray on her bugs , hope you manage to get rid of them. I would be happy not to share the strawberries but they are 5 people here that love them ! One of our young oak trees was absolutely smothered in caterpillars and I means loads , you couldn’t see any of the leaves at all .
 

Can't do it alone

New member
Mar 29, 2020
4
Since Mum was formally diagnosed at the end of January I have kept a notebook with significant changes in her behaviour. In a weird way and despite reading about Alzheimer’s and a desire for sweet things this one just became poignant. I have never known Mum in 55+ years to put sugar in coffee or tea but in the cafe today she picked up a sugar packet and emptied into the mug, afterwards saying how nice the coffee was there.
People with dementia often acquire a sweeter tooth, Demetia can affect taste, also as we get older we loose our sense of taste and smell, often why older people sometimes use more salt. Eating sweeter things is pleasant and a person can taste the sweetness more because they have lost ability to taste blander foods. A person often can taste spicy foods and sour foods as well as salty, but because sweet things are the nicest to eat, older people, often especially those with Dementia start to eat more of them.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,343
Merseyside
People with dementia often acquire a sweeter tooth, Demetia can affect taste, also as we get older we loose our sense of taste and smell, often why older people sometimes use more salt. Eating sweeter things is pleasant and a person can taste the sweetness more because they have lost ability to taste blander foods. A person often can taste spicy foods and sour foods as well as salty, but because sweet things are the nicest to eat, older people, often especially those with Dementia start to eat more of them.
Welcome to DTP @Can't do it alone