- Feb 27, 2018
I hope your mum is still enjoying it. I know my mother really benefitted from having company and it sounds as if your mum does too. Well done on getting her there!
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Hi.Dad has just gone into respite for 2weeks .They have activities 5days a week but none at weekends.But I don’t consider it a problem as it gives some chance of a breather.So angry. I know insignificant compared to the issues that others have or have had but when Mum is self funding I do expect them to do at least what they said they would do.
Thursday was such a good happy day for Mum full of activities and chatting. Yesterday one of the staff members took her for a walk outside after she said she was bored. However from lunch onwards she was left with the other 3 people on the dementia floor in the lounge. They mainly sleep so no conversation for Mum. I was told Mum would go to the standard residential areas for lunch and could sit and chat in their lounges if she wanted to. No activities yesterday or today. Arrived this morning, carer sat at her desk whilst Mum was sat in the dining room on her own. Carer could have chatted to Mum through the doorway but she was sat on her mobile texting. The other residents on her floor apparently sleep until gone 9am and have breakfast in their rooms. Mum was up at 7.30 and I had told the staff that Mum was on early riser. Took Mum out for some of the day returning at 3pm. Told staff Mum was bored inside the home and did they have any little jobs that Mum could help with (I had been told this was possible when we visited ) but staff member said residents were not allowed to without close supervision and they were short staffed. I was also told that people with dementia sleep a lot!
I will bring Mum to my house tomorrow for Sunday lunch as I now feel I have to stop her getting bored - as she said to me ‘at least I can potter around at home’. I feel like I have worked so hard to say that in this place she would have things to do and people to chat to. I know Mum got bored in her own home (despite her telling me she had lots to do at her own house) but I expected more than this.
Very disappointed, very frustrated and will be seeing the Manager on Monday.
I've been following your thread, but been busy with life and not commented (too long a comment to type on my phone).I said 80% happy and she reckoned that was about as good as it got.
Hi.At dads home they have an activities board so family and some residents can see what is going on..Do they not have one?Or do they do it in a leaflet version?Thank you for your replies I have calmed down now and you all made me stop and think.
@Sirena yes I did just want them to take Mum to the other part of the CH where she could socialise more even if it was just meal times (as the Manager has agreed)
I guess I was not aware that boredom was part of the illness I just thought it was Mum as she had been so active but now I understand - thank you
@Sarasa yes I will cut the home some slack now I am calmer
@TNJJ. Thank you too I know Mum will get bored and cannot be entertained all the time. I just need to manage her expectations by knowing the facts myself if you see what I mean. Glad to hear your Dad has relaxed in his CH and I hope that is giving you a deserved break.
My conversation will be on the lines that CH promised activities so could they let me know the programme as but none happened on Fri/Sat/Sun; I was told Mum would have her lunch in the main dining room as an opportunity to socialise but this did not happen Fri and weekend staff knew nothing about this ; that I was told she could help out eg folding table cloths and yet the carer yesterday said No to this. However I spoke to a Nurse on duty this evening and she said that ‘helping ‘ like this should not be an issue and she would have a chat with the staff upstairs. So maybe it is just communication issues.
Yes they do make sense Thank you. I was just reading another post on the forum which also followed the same line of thought - that even if we found the most perfect CH our PWD would still have an issue. The nurse did wonder if Mum was ‘playing’ me a little. When I told OH he agreed with nurse but did not want to say soI've been following your thread, but been busy with life and not commented (too long a comment to type on my phone).
I'm so pleased you got mum there, and that all went well with telling her about her sister.
I've highlighted Sarasa's post as I'm not sure we get perfection in our lives but we want it for our PWD, not sure if this is more so for our parents.
We all have to do things in life that aren't perfectly what we want to do but we know that is part of life. I was guilty of wanting to make mum's life perfect and happy, I very quickly realised that I couldn't for several reasons, partly the way mum is and her dementia, partly I was trying to make her my version of happy, eg a tidy flat and in my case partly my kids come first, and pre dementia mum would have wanted that. Even post dementia in her flat for a long time she was aware how much I was running around and wanted me to be with my kids and not her.
'Good enough' is probably where all of us are with our house choice, job etc - unless we win the lottery we can't change things.
(I sort of put these thought's together after reading @Sarasa's six month thread but didn't get round to posting - I hope they make sense)
The CH is still new and although they have an activities board on the floor is was not updated. ( a point I was going to mention)Hi.At dads home they have an activities board so family and some residents can see what is going on..Do they not have one?Or do they do it in a leaflet version?
At the home the carers have “mobiles” which are computerised and the residents day is on them ,Plus the background. Everything has to be recorded what the resident does that day..
But I digress.I went to the deputy manager and said about things that I wished for dad.That was put on his profile. Could you go to the manager and make sure your wishes are written up and put on computer or on handover?..
Some PWD are given jobs in homes,folding napkins,laying tables.But this will only keep them entertained for a while especially if they have a short attention span..Does this help??
They can..DadYes they do make sense Thank you. I was just reading another post on the forum which also followed the same line of thought - that even if we found the most perfect CH our PWD would still have an issue. The nurse did wonder if Mum was ‘playing’ me a little. When I told OH he agreed with nurse but did not want to say so
The CH is still new and although they have an activities board on the floor is was not updated. ( a point I was going to mention)
I did not realise about the records - I had mentioned about Mum’s care plan but they were still doing it. I guess if it was not fully finished that may also explain things.
yes thank you all the comments have been helpful.
If nothing else I won’t rush in to the Manager both guns blazing and make a numpty out of myself