Thank you @silver'lantern and I am indeed going to take a step back. Yesterday evening did not go well at all. My friend had brought Mum a ticket to the ballet for her birthday a few months ago. I had told Mum I would be there about 4.30pm to collect her as their was also a birthday party going on in the home which Mum was going to. However when I arrived she said she had expected me at 10am as promised and that I had said we were going shopping, having lunch etc before the ballet in the evening. I think she had mixed up some conversations. She then went into the loop of wanting to go home as food awful, they were incompetent with medicines and she was bored. Unfortunately she then said she wanted to know honestly why she could not go home. I unfortunately told her - not safe, unable to do this, that etc. She asked why she had not been told before. I said she had. I know all wrong and hindsight is wonderful. In the car to collect friend she started going on that I was horrible and wicked saying these things. Watched ballet but at the end she refused to go back in the car with me. Fortunately OH had taken his car and took her home. Today OH and Care Home manager had a long chat with Mum to ‘make life better in the home for her’. I leave it to them. OH also told Mum that as I was upsetting her he would ensure I did not visit her again until she wanted to see me. Looking at the whole picture Including conversations with staff and my brother it appears that she only makes the complaints to me. She did not see him when he first arrived and was happily chatting away to the other folk on her floor. He also left her tucking into her lunch. I think as Mum is safe and comfortable I will step back for awhile and i can try and work out how we get a relationship back in the future. It still hurts though even when it was never the closest relationship.