1. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    1,189
    UK.
    The responses here show TP. for what it truly is, such a deep well of compassion and experience.
    I draw on it greedily with no shame.
    Heartfelt thanks at this most difficult and sad time.
     
  2. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    It's a lonely and hard road, Gringo. Many of us would have been hard put to survive it without the collective arms & shoulders of Talking point.
     
  3. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    I'm another one thinking of you and your Wife. Arms around both of you.

    Love,

    Lyn T XX
     
  4. SouWester

    SouWester Registered User

    Dec 11, 2012
    34
    Male
    Devon
    The unrecognised difference

    You really do have my sympathy. I too have a wife with dementia and I find so many people don't realise the difference between looking after a parent (say) who you only visited occasionally and caring for a spouse who you used to be with 24/7.
     
  5. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    646
    Male
    Kent
    I echo what SouWester says - even though I'm with my wife 24/7 and she's a cheerful little soul, I do feel very lonely. It is very hard to go from loving husband to loving carer!

    All the very best.
    Phil
     
  6. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    451
    Mississauga
    I totally agree with all of you. It is a very hard, lonely and empty life. My husband has FTD and it's so difficult watching the strong and independent man I married lose a part of himself everyday. It just tears me apart. I usually fall asleep crying and wake up crying the next morning and I think have I been crying in my nightmares all night long and one night will we drown in my sea of tears. It's so hard

    People say to find something you enjoy doing. But that doesn't last forever and eventually we have to come back to reality.
     
  7. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    1,189
    UK.
    Yes It is hard. I’ve lived with this for many years now and the country song ‘Cry me a river.’ could have been written about me. Seeing her suffer, I have said many times that I wished it was over for her sake. But as I have said in an earlier post on this thread, Saffie made me think again. I can honestly say that I have learnt to take one day at a time and, if I could coax one smile from MDW, I counted it a good day.
    Now, being faced with the stark realities of end of life care, I find each moment needs to be treasured. Sitting by her bedside tonight, I sang ‘You are my sunshine’ and at one point her lips moved. A small thing, but it lifted me. I live in the moment, tomorrow will take care of itself.
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,230
    Female
    Dundee
    That's wonderful Gringo. I can imagine how that lifted you. That song was one that my husband always loved.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    451
    Mississauga
    Cherish every moment you have together. Your love for each other doesn't come very often. Cherish it.
     
  10. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,501
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I am so pleased that your dear wife responded to your singing even if fleetingly, Gringo and can understand the little lift it gave you. A small comfort but so meaningful. x
     
  11. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,046
    Merseyside
    That's lovely Gringo. I think you are her sunshine too.
     
  12. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Thinking of you and your wife Gringo, at such a difficult time.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  13. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    Thinking of you and wondering how you are. Best wishes, Gwen x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  14. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    Gwen! Haven't "seen" you in ages! Hope things are, as the medics would say, " as well as can be expected" ?
     
  15. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I can remember last year, when my husband was still able to talk, and I was telling him how I needed to do certain jobs around the bungalow. "Oh, I'll come and help you," he said.

    Priceless. You don't realise how precious things like that are until you lose them. I'm speechless, Gringo. I loved your poem. I wish I could bring you some comfort, as do we all.
     
  16. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I know.

    It's shocking. Not only do we have to put up with being buffeted by this disease, but we have to also expect to be buffeted by so-called professionals who'd rather back each other up than help us, or tell us the truth.

    Been there. Done that. Been angry. Sworn my head off, too, and I'm a lady?

    I bet you haven't said any words I haven't said, Gringo. I know how bad that is. I see the truth you see because it's my truth, too. I care no less because of it. I care more, because of it, and I wish I could scrub this all away. For you, and for all of us, so we could all start again without the damned interruption of dementia.

    It just ain't fair, is it. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    1,189
    UK.
    In silence I sit and hold her hand.
    Here in the silence my mind runs free.
    We two, we lived in love’s own land.
    This woman was life itself to me.


    My dear wife was freed from dementia's tyranny this morning.
    But Saffe was right.
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,112
    Kent
    Please accept my deepest and most sincere condolences gringo. You have both suffered so much. One of you at least is at peace now.
     
  19. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,589
    West Midlands
    Sincere condolences gringo

    My thoughts are with you now and for the coming days

    Much love xxxxxx
     
  20. ellejay

    ellejay Registered User

    Jan 28, 2011
    4,014
    Essex
    I'm so sorry Gringo x

    Lin x
     

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