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Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by gringo, Feb 5, 2016.
Dear Gringo. I feel your sadness. I hope this will be over soon. We are all thinking of you.x
Gringo, so sad to read back. No-one who cares can be accused of being selfish and you have been dealt a very heavy load to bear. Be kind to yourself you are doing everything you can. Love and thoughts are with you both. xxx
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I`m so sorry you needed to delete your post gringo. It must have been too painful for you to share.
Gringo - I hope you are OK, I'm sorry you deleted your post, it was a poem that perfectly expressed your feelings and current situation. We are all thinking of you.
To A&E to have a potentially life-threatening development investigated.
MDW. totally confused and frightened by what was, for her, a terrifying and painful ordeal.
Gratitude for the skill and compassion of the ambulance crew during the transition from CH. to hospital.
Consternation that, once in A&E., it took nine hours to complete a thirty minute procedure.
Anger and despair at the lack of knowledge and understanding, of many of the NHS hospital staff, of what to expect from and how to treat a PWD.
Disbelief at the complete absence of compassion of some of the NHS. staff.
Relief that I was able to ensure that MDW was not hospitalised.
My fervent hope that MDW. will never have to be hospitalised in the future and will be allowed to die, with dignity, tended by the dedicated and caring staff in her CH.
Sadness that, in this day and age, old people should be treated with such lack of respect and decency.
Guilt that I was unable to do more during her distressing ordeal. But I dread to think of what could have happened had I not been there.
Thank goodness you were there gringo. It's so sad dementia develops into trauma. It would be much easier if our dear people could slip away in their beds without all the aggravation of being moved and tested and having to suffer the ignorance of strangers, however qualified they are supposed to be.
At least your dear wife is back with people who know her and know you.
I'm sorry to read of your wife's traumatic experience Gringo. Thank goodness you were there.
I hope she finds peace back in her nursing home.
So sorry Gringo. Wishing all will be ok and you both have peace. What a bad ordeal.xxx
Thinking of you both Gringo.
I'm so sorry that you and your wife had to experience such bad treatment. Thankfully, for your wife's sake, you were there with her. The understanding of Dementia seems to be so variable in the NHS as you have witnessed. How can paramedics show compassion and the opposite is shown by some nurses? Very difficult to understand.
I hope that your Wife is as comfortable as possible.
Thinking of you both
I'm sorry to read this Gringo. I am so glad you were with her at the hospital. I hope she is more settled today.
I'm sorry to read so your experience in the hospital Gringo. You do wonder just how much the words 'dementia friendly' really mean in everyday life if even medical staff cannot understand how dementia affects sufferers and the impact being in a hospital can have upon them. You are right, today is not a good time to be elderly.
Further back in this thread Saffe posted this :-
“Its heartbreaking to see those we love in pain and fear.
Harder still to not see them at all.”
I owe a debt of gratitude to so many on TP. but that post was very special. At the time it served me well to open my eyes and make the most of what time I still had.
Sadly, now it seems time is running out for us and I shall soon have to confront the truth of Saffie’s post.
The other day I posted two verses, but decided, in the small hours, to delete them, worried that they may offend some members. On reflection I believe that my view is as valid as any other.
As I sit watching MDW struggle, I feel the import of these verses even more strongly. So I now repost them and trust that no one will feel I am belittling their beliefs
God is love it is often said.
Perhaps though, we’ve been misled.
Surely love would not look away.
From those whose minds have gone astray.
You have to think, that if he’s there,
Then he, long since, has ceased to care,
As if he’s turned away his face,
From us, from our poor human race.
Oh Gringo! I just want to give you a hug.
Oh Gringo I really feel your pain.
Twelve months ago I was where you are now. It was the quietest, most restful part of our 11 year journey with dementia but it was the most saddest, most painful part of that journey.
All we can do is sit and sift through our memories, hold hands and sadly wait.
We all sit with you too Gringo, just as TP members sat with me, with Izzy, with GrannieG, with LadyA and so many, many more. Take strength from your love for your lovely wife and know her love will still be with you.
I feel your pain too Gringo. Thinking of you both.
Oh Gringo, now I am sitting here in floods of tears.
I am so very sad for you. Yes, please make the very most of any time you have.
My final loss came suddenly and the fact that I was unprepared for it, though naturally not unaware it would happen, has made it all the harder to bear alongside the guilt that it carries.
So much left unsaid. So much left unshown.
Bless you Gringo.x
Others are so right, Gringo, make the most of the time you have together.
I lost Roger at a time it wasn't expected, even though we all know it's inevitable, I wasn't ready for it. I was fortunate that I did make it to his side in A&E, but not the setting I had hoped for - I had wanted some time with him alone, but that wasn't to be.
Although it's hard watching the one you love fade, it does give you the chance to say everything you want to say. Thinking of you. (also with tears) x
Thinking of you and understanding how bad this is for you. Bless you and your wife. xxx