1. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    As if her life was not difficult enough, the threat of cancer has reared it’s ugly head again. I just want to bring her home and shut the door on this pitiless world. I wish I were able to that, I’m sitting here, ashamed, helpless and useless, muttering the most dreadful obscenities.
    She saw the best in everyone, me most of all, never a bad word about anybody. When she walked into a room she spread happiness around her. I took it all for granted. I should have been on my knees every night blessing my extraordinary good fortune.
    Now she is a shell, frightened, not knowing who she is or where she is. It breaks my heart to see her and I want to stay away and not have to witness this, but I can’t.
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Oh Gringo. I am somsorry to read about your poor wife. I can feel your heartache through your words. I wish I had words to help but I know none can. Thinking of you both.
  3. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    There are no words..... I am so sad for your pain.I hope peace and comfort can be found for your wife.
  4. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    Holding your hand Gringo.
    You were indeed lucky to be loved by her, just as she is to be loved by you.
    Sending strength and love.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  5. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    Hello Gringo, l am so sorry you are going through so much stress and torment, l hope you find the strength to carry on.
    Sending you a big ((((HUG))))
  6. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    Tears are falling as I read your post. I am so very sorry for you both. Such a wicked thing when you have been through so much. Sending you a huge hug and strength to cope with this turn of events Gringo. Xx
  7. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    So sorry to hear this, gringo.
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    I'm so sorry gringo. I wish you peace & strength xx
  9. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Oh my dear Gringo my heart is breaking for you

    Wrapping you in a blanket, it's a cold , unfeeling, painful world you are in, I have a light too, as I know how deep and dark the hole is, it does flicker, this light, hope you can see it xxxxxxxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  10. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    So sorry gringo x
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Mike, it's your strength and your love for your Wife that keeps you visiting. I'm so very sorry.


    Lyn T XX
  12. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    So very sorry Gringo that you and your lovely wife are struggling so much. My thoughts are with you both.
  13. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    I am sorry .
    I understand your pain and am so sorry that cancer is now making things worse.
    It's heartbreaking to see those we love in pain and fear.
    Harder still to not see them at all.
    As to the taking spouses for granted, I understand that too, hence the words below.x
  14. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    My dear wife

    So terribly sad to hear about your wife and the pain you are suffering. You say you want to bring her home. Is she in a care home or hospital. I understand how hard it must be to leave her, when you really want to have her home. Of course you feel hopeless but you are not useless and please don't be ashamed. Caring for a loved one with dementia is the hardest thing for anyone to cope with. I send you love and wish you some peace.x
  15. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    I am also very sorry and understand having been through similar myself, as others here have. YOU have nothing to be ashamed about and certainly not useless. Helplessness is there as we are only human and do our very best, which you are doing and have done.
    I understand that only too well.

    I hope the cancer problem is just a threat and can be managed well.

    If your wife could I am sure she would be on her knees blessing the fact you are still there supporting her through sickness as in health.
  16. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    Many thanks for all the good wishes. The new day will bring what it will.
    Three years ago I posted this poem. It’s a very long way from good, it’s many faults are too obvious. And yet it’s probably the nearest I have ever got to saying what I want to say. So please forgive me for reposting it now.

    I was wild, just out of the navy and looking to have some fun.
    Her first time away from home and she wasn’t easy to please
    She was the apple of her father’s eye and I was nobody’s son.
    No way could I resist this lovely girl, so easy was she to tease.

    There was only a year between us, but I had spent years at sea.
    I felt like an ancient roué, while she hardly had started her life.
    She was like a delicate flower but I learnt she was tougher than me.
    She had decided, without telling me, she intended becoming my wife.

    There I was living the life of O’Reilly, and having a rip-roaring time.
    Then, without any warning, I was being introduced to her Mum.
    She stood there looking me over, as if I’d committed a crime.
    I don’t yet know how it happened, I still thought of the girl as a chum!

    My life changed abruptly and I don’t recall being asked for my views.
    Amid all the preparations, I looked up and caught sight of her face.
    What I saw in her eyes, at that moment, was a love I was never to lose.
    What she had known at the start, was made plain to me by her grace

    Looking back down the years it is clear, how truly lucky I’ve been
    With gossamer strands she bound me around, as if I wanted to stray.
    In hard times the strands held us fast, and she was always my queen.
    Now she is in care and I live alone, and I didn’t want to wake up to-day.
  17. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    Sending you much love and hugs - I am in tears after reading your post and your beautiful poem. Your love and devotion shines through and I pray that it will give you enough strength for the both of you to see you through this ordeal xx
  18. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    A beautiful poem Gringo, and the love you and your wife have for each other shines through everything you say. I'm so sorry these are such dark days for you both.
  19. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    Such a beautiful poem Gringo, and your love for your darling wife shines through every word, every line and every verse. All your friends n TP are thinking of you, at this difficult time, and wishing you the strength that you need. xxxx
  20. Bigreader

    Bigreader Registered User

    Jan 22, 2016
    I love your poem, it could have been written for me and my husband word for word. We met on Southsea Pier when he was in the Navy and I was a young 18 year old on my first holiday without my parents.

    I'm so sorry to read about your wife. Watching my husband due (not from dementia) was the worst thing I ever did.

    Hugs and sympathy,
    BR x

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