1. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,439
    Female
    Dundee
    You are her rock Gringo. Thinking of you and everyone else in your situation.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Mike, your 'lies' are spoken because you love your wife and you try so hard to comfort her. There is no compassionate alternative.

    Hugs for you and your wife.


    XXXXX
     
  3. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    367
    Sheffield
    So sorry to hear this sending hugs xxxx
     
  4. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Thinking of you Gringo and your sadness makes my cry. But I cannot help in anyway other than to say I am thinking of you and wish you the strength you need to see this through. My thoughts are with you and your dear wife.xxxx
     
  5. Alicenutter

    Alicenutter Registered User

    Aug 29, 2015
    560
    Massachusetts USA
    Gringo, those are beautiful and loving words. May this New Year bring you, and everybody on TP, and all our loved ones, some moments of peace and joy.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Gringo, I am so sorry at the difficult path you are treading right now, and my sympathies are with you. Holding your darling wife's hand, can mean so much to you both. xxx
     
  7. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    What a good man you are!


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  8. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    1,189
    UK.


    If only that were true! I have grown old disgracefully, My wife would be horrified at the intemperate language I now use, nor would she approve of my bitterness and anger at the way dementia is regarded and treated. At one time my signature, on here, was Dylan Thomas’ “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” but years and infirmity have served to dampen down my fire. Rather than rage, I mutter obscenities. My circle of loyalties is now very small, I still read and sorrow with many who post in trouble, but I fear, I usually pass by on the other side and don’t offer support or advice. This does not make me proud, I am just very tired and worn down by the unrelenting demands of this wretched disease.
    Some time ago, in my pride, I started a thread railing against ‘acceptance’ and equating it to surrender. Such foolishness! I now believe that care can only properly start with ‘acceptance’. I have given in, I no longer expect or even want to change the world. One day, I hope, a cure will be found. But I leave it to others to do what needs to be done, my only aim in life is to is bring a smile to my wife’s face.
    So thank-you, but as you can see, I am really a very selfish man.
     
  9. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    ....hardly the act of a selfish man.:D
     
  10. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,042
    Dear Gringo*,

    You are far from a selfish man. The pressures of the realities of dementia cause behaviours which, those ignorant of the disease, may appear selfish. How can it be selfish to want to put a smile on the face of another:), it is the act of a man who still loves deeply, and in doing so feels the pain very deeply too.

    Thinking of you and your dear wife.
    With love
    Sue:)
     
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Selfish? Never. How can you be selfish when you visit, watch and above all care?:confused:
    Caring for someone with dementia IS tiring and it fills your every waking hour. There isn't any energy left to think of anything else, so stop giving yourself a hard time-consider yourself told!

    Love,

    Lyn XX
     
  12. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Gringo, I absolutely agree with everything everyone else has said. Exhausted? Yes. Distressed? Yes. Selfish? Never xxx
     
  13. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    1,189
    UK.
    I have too much time to think as I sit at her bedside. It’s a very strange feeling, as if I’m outside looking in. None of this real anymore. Do others feel like this?
    Bits and pieces of doggerel float around in my head. I haven’t the application now to persevere with them.

    _________________

    Dementia took her memory.
    So she has no past, alas.
    There is no cure you see.
    So no future either, alas.
    Poor lass.

    _______________

    Looking but not seeing.
    Listening but not hearing.
    Speaking but not saying.
    Touching but not feeling.
    Taking but not giving,
    Alive, but not living.

    _________________

    Once my lover and my best friend.
    Now a stranger at this bitter end.
    Yet her so-familiar ways,
    Speak to me of happier days.
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,375
    Kent
    Heartbreaking.
     
  15. gringo

    gringo Registered User

    Feb 1, 2012
    1,189
    UK.
    Apart from TP. there is no help for people like us. This evening I went on to the Samaritan’s website, thinking about calling, but really they wouldn’t be able to tell me anything I don’t already know. And anyway I can’t carry on a conversation at the moment without breaking down.
    I have to say that even on here I am concerned to speak explicitly about my experience, knowing and feeling concerned for those of our members, who themselves, suffer from dementia.
    You just have to grit your teeth, carry on as best you can.
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,375
    Kent
    Your post fills me with sadness gringo. I know there are times when the torment is too much to bear.
     
  17. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,439
    Female
    Dundee
    It's heartbreaking Gringo. I feel for you.
     
  18. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    Gringo - you know there are always people around on TP to listen and who understand and who will do their best to support you at this time x
     
  19. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Oh Gringo ,so sorry for your sadness. If only our tears could help ,all our loved ones would be at peace in mind as well as body. You are not selfish, you are doing your best and no one can do more. My love to you.xxx
     
  20. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,168
    Merseyside

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.