'If I get like that, put me in a home'

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sarasa, May 10, 2019.

  1. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    My mother's clothes never go missing - I realise this is very unusual! The residents' rooms are locked unless they are in there, and I assume at night there are enough staff to redirect the residents if they attempt to wander into someonelse's room. I check her wardrobe/drawers each time I go in and the only things I have needed to replace are things which have deteriorated due to the laundry process (undies and PJs with elastic waists, and a big warm cardigan). Even her socks seem to turn up reliably.

    I haven't recently checked if her handbag is still there but I took out everything of any value, just left her purse with coins. She never asked her her handbag, the only thing she carries round is a cuddly toy. She did lose her specs within days, but since she refused to wear them that didn't really matter! She seems to be able to see fine without them.

    Re feeling that you are sneaking out, it's the best thing for her, not just for you - if she doesn't notice it means she doesn't get angry and distressed.
  2. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    #62 Sarasa, Jan 4, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2020
    Mum has now been in the home for nearly eight months, and is very gradually appearing more settled, though I guess she'll always want to get out if she can. Her latest is saying goodbye to residents and staff when I take her from one part of the home to the other as though she is now on her way home.
    The family took mum out for tea in a country house hotel five minutes from the home the Saturday after Christmas. It was ideal for mum, the place looked 'posh', the staff were attentive and the afternoon tea was delicious. Mum much prefers sweet things so afternoon tea for lunch was a much better bet than a proper meal. Mum was on good form, and correctly identified us all, even if she did ask my son how his mum was. She seemed a bit puzzled my brother wasn't there, but didn't actually say anything about him, and we didn't venture any information. Hopefully, after the Christmas Day scare, when he ended up in intensive care, he is now properly on the mend and we'll be able to do the same thing with him sometime this year. It was lovely that my sister-in-law and nephew could make it though. Mum had a black eye from where she'd fallen the previous Saturday. I had an apologetic phone call on Boxing Day as they obviously should have informed me straight away, but it had got missed in a shift change and the holidays. When I took mum back I explained she'd had a couple of glasses of wine. I think the fall the previous Saturday had been due to her drinking at her floor's Christmas party. She is getting more unsteady on her feet and alcohol really seems to make a difference now. The carers seemed to think I was worried that I thought I wasn't taking care of her, it was just a flags up so they could keep an eye on her.
    When I visited yesterday the carers were pleased that they'd managed to get her in the shower. I'd spoken to one of the team leaders when I'd been there for the party and I think they are trying to be more determined about personal care. Mum was always proud of her appearance, once telling me not to look at her when I bumped into her by chance in Marks as she hadn't got her make-up on! The last few months that's gone, though she'll say things like I'll have a shower when I go home tonight. Let's hope she gets used to the idea of having help.
    I've emailed the manager so I can go in and have a chat about things are going, which I think will be useful going forward this year. I also am intending to only visit once a week and pick my time carefully. Mind you she could do with a new pair of shoes, but can I brave taking her to our local shopping centre to buy some?
  3. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    I buy everything on line for dad. I cannot stomach the hassle.
  4. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    Central Scotland
    . Mind you she could do with a new pair of shoes, but can I brave taking her to our local shopping centre to buy some?[/QUOTE]
    Quick tip re the shoes issue. Look at the old pair that needs replacing and copy the style name, brand and size. Perhaps take a photo on your phone. Then search online or in the store where they were bought and get an exact replacement. This worked for OH who would have refused to wear an even slightly different pair.
  5. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    Mum wanted to to a large shopping centre near me but fortunately I have persuaded her to go to a smaller retail park with me that has several chain stores on it (including the one she has gift vouchers for) I am hoping that Monday will be quieter. I do like the suggestion by @Wifenotcarer though.
    Glad that your Mum is appearing more settled. I always like a good afternoon tea too so glad to hear it was a success.
    Senior carer has managed to get Mum showering every few days but Mum does give her a hard time saying she has already had one even when still in p.j’s. Hope your Mum accepts the help. Mum too was always smart and make up done, even when not expecting visitors, so I do try to get her to put some make up on if we are going out. Success rates are variable. Real struggle to get her to change her tea stained jumper this morning before we went out.
    Glad to hear your brother is on the mend again.
  6. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    I had a meeting with the care home manager today. I have never had a proper review of mum's care since she moved in over 8 months ago and it was very useful. The senior carer from her floor came down and we went through her care plan. One thing that was flagged up is that mum does not have a DNR in place. We all agreed it was in her best interests to have this, so they are going to contact the GP's surgery about sorting it out.
    I also managed to have a quick chat with the activities co-ordinator about organising something for her birthday. I'll email my ideas over tomorrow. I've found a local company that does dance lessons and claims to be dementia friendly, right up mum's street. I also got asked to help out at another poetry session or two at the home, which will be fun.
    I also took in a pair of shoes I'd bought on-line that I thought would be comfortable. Mum claimed they weren't. She was wearing a pair of Clark's shoes and I know they still do them. Trouble is she's worn them in so any new pair won't feel right. Maybe I will have to brave the shops sometime after all.
  7. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    I've somehow missed some posts (not aware of what happened on Christmas Day) with not being on boards over xmas etc and do hope all is well with your brother as I've had fingers metaphorically crossed for him for a while.

    so glad you had a good meeting with care home manager and hope you can sort something out for her birthday.

    I need to get new shoes for mum, and one of my issues is that hers are stretched so how do I make them feel comfy. As she so rarely goes outside I did wonder if I just got a good pair of slippers. I did buy some identical to hers off the internet but got the wrong size - think I muddled up US and UK sizes. No hurry for now though so will leave it.
  8. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    So glad the meeting was positive. I went through Mum’s care plan with her senior carer but she also said so much about what Mum was up to that I don’t see which was interesting.
    that sounds a lovely idea for your Mum’s birthday. I hope it is feasible.
    Enjoy the poetry reading too.
  9. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    The dance lessons sound fun and meeting sounds like went well x

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.