Brian died at 6.15 p.m. to-day

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Nan2seven, Jul 1, 2011.

  1. burfordthecat

    burfordthecat Registered User

    Jan 9, 2008
    Dear Nan

    I've only just logged on. I am so very sorry to hear about Brian. It was good to read that Brian waited for you and he passed away peacefully, whilst being surrounded by love. We can't really ask for more than that, can we?

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Love Carina x x
  2. JPG1

    JPG1 Account Closed

    Jul 16, 2008
    Dear Nan

    I am so very sorry to read of your loss of Brian. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
  3. johnpatcarl

    johnpatcarl Registered User

    Oh nan like all others please accept my condolences so glad for you to be at his side and be able to share the last kiss goobye thinking of you at this terrible time love johnxxx
  4. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Dear Nan

    Those times of being suddenly overwhelmed can catch you off guard, and in particular after having family stay and then they are gone and you are alone, feeling empty. I haven't tried a mantra, but I sometimes talk to myself out loud, and find it does help. Haven't analysed why, but it does.

    These are difficult days and nights for you, Nan. I can't find the words but you are in my mind and my heart.

    With my love
    Loo xxx
  5. Nan2seven

    Nan2seven Registered User

    Apr 11, 2009
    Dear Jo, Carina, JPG and John, thank you for your posts.

    And thank you, too, for yours, Loo. Such a kind message.

    Visited the funeral directors to-day. 12.30 appointment and James could stay 'til two. He went on and it continued until 3.15. :eek: James and I worked out that the girl had been actually with us for about ten to fifteen minutes by the time James had to leave - the rest of the time she had been in another room on the computer. She did apologise profusely and it did allow James and I to talk more about what we wanted to say at the funeral, but even so ....

    There is only one crematorium in this area and the dates I gave her for when our nephew could come and do the service were all no good. We have to wait until the 18th before there was a slot free for Brian. (We do have a very large elderly population here.) The 18th seems an awfully long way away.

    Picked up a certificate from the GP this afternoon and also found a very nice message from him on the 'phone. He has given the cause of death as aspiration pneumonia, and vascular dementia and atrial fibrillation also get a mention. Have to go down and register the death tomorrow and get the certificate(s). (It has been suggested I get five or six all at the same time.)

    My brother-in-law and his wife came round this morning for coffee. (I had just got back from the beach hut, where I had done a long swim.) They are amazed at how well I am coping - and to be honest I am a bit amazed myself. I can only think that it was the trauma of the last 48 hours, when for most of it Brian was fighting for breath, that knocked everything out of me. But the void was filled with a wonderful feeling of peace and release. Huge sadness and sorrow, of course, but mostly peace. For my darling Brian and to a large degree for me as well.

    I would like to thank everyone, again, who has posted on this thread. I have read and re-read the messages many times and the warmth and love they convey is beautiful. Thank you all so much.

    Love, Nan XXX
  6. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    South Ribble
    Dear Nan

    You sound so serene and dignified at this time, as you have always been. You are an inspiration in the way you deal with grace with everything.
    The 18th does seem a long way away. You'll have all our thoughts with you all the way.
    Love and prayers xx
  7. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    #87 TinaT, Jul 4, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2011
    Piedwarbler, you have hit the nail squarely on the head. Jan, you are a dignified and courteous lady and I'm proud to have met you.

    I only hope I can, when the time comes, be as graceful as you but I fear not:D

    I'm sure your lovely beach hut and your physical activities will help you through the coming weeks. I pray for the good weather to continue so you can have the solace you so badly need at this time.

    How is your garden? I remember how pretty it is at this time of the year.

    Take care of yourself and sending my love.

  8. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Dear Nan

    I can only echo the words of others; you are serene, dignified, you deal with everything with grace, and you are an inspirtion to all of us. Thank you.

    The 18th is a long time. May your feeling of peace and release continue to fill the void, and comfort you during your times of sadness and sorrow.

    Also that your swimming, and the beach hut, help you, a place of solace.

    Always thinking of you

    With love
    Loo xxx
  9. Winnie Kjaer

    Winnie Kjaer Account Closed

    Aug 14, 2009
    Remarkable lady

    Dear Nan
    I read your post with relief learning that you are coping quite well under the circumstances.

    You are truly one remarkable lady and I am so much in awe of you. I admire your strength and pray that I one day too may find a similar strength from somewhere.

    My thought are with you and may you continue to find peace within during this very difficult time ahead.

    With great respect and admiration.
  10. dottyd

    dottyd Registered User

    Jan 22, 2011
    so very sorry to hear of your loss.

    I am going to treasure every moment I have with my man.

    Thank you for sharing.
  11. Bronwen

    Bronwen Registered User

    Jan 8, 2010
    Oh Nan...I am so very sorry to hear your news. I am also sorry I am so late with my sincere condolences, but I have tried to keep away from TP for a while as it upset me so much hearing all the sad stories, but I log in now and then to see how my friends are coping and I read this news.

    How are you dear Nan, silly question, but I do hope all the love of your family and friends will help you through your very sad loss.

    Much love
    Bronwen x
  12. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    Dear Nan, I'm afraid I too am late with my condolences. I'm so sorry to hear about Brian but am awed by not only the peaceful ending but how you have coped in the meantime.

    Much love and strength to you all xxx
  13. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    Hello Nan,
    I just wanted to say that I have been on your thread since my last post but there seemed little to say that has not already been said either by myself or others. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and hoping that you are managing to stay strong - for the most part - during this long time, until you say your final farewell to Brian.
    You have been so steadfast and loving in your devotion to Brian, a shining example to others, like me, who follow in your footsteps. God bless you. Sending you love and deep sympathy X
  14. Bastan

    Bastan Registered User

    Feb 10, 2011
    Dear Nan,

    Saffie has written what I have tried to convey for a few days now. (Thank you Saffie)

    You are never far from my thoughts, much love Bastan. xxx
  15. littlegem

    littlegem Registered User

    Nov 11, 2010
    north Wales
    Dear Nan,
    I hope you are keeping well. Still thinking about you and your sad loss.
    Take care
  16. Nan2seven

    Nan2seven Registered User

    Apr 11, 2009
    Dear Pied, Tina, Loo and Win, thank you for your posts. I am rather overwhelmed by your kind words. I am glad to be able to say that I am still feeling peaceful and calm. I was able to describe this morning (to some dear friends with whom I used to work about 15 years ago) how Brian had hung on for me at the last - I shedding only a very few tears and able to smile a little and say "Dear, dear Brian." I am not sure what it is that sustains me, but it is doing a very good job.

    Was it only last year, Tina, that you and I sat out in the back garden? It seems such a long, long time ago - I suppose because so much has happened in the meantime. Nothing much has changed, except perhaps it is a little less well tended than it was. I will be getting back to it in earnest presently.

    Dear Dotty - thank you for your little message too. Do indeed treasure every moment with your man - when I first joined here I thought my Brian sounded so much less ill than a lot of other people I read about. But TIAs, seizures, nosebleeds and falls all took a pretty rapid toll and they come along with no warning.

    Dear Bronwen, I too used to stay away sometimes from TP because sometimes the sad stories became almost too much to bear. So please do not apologise for being late. How am I? I have asked the boys if it is all right to be quite so "all right", so calm and so full of peace, and they assure me it is and that I am doing very well.

    And dear Vonny, it was so nice to hear from you as well. You were particularly kind and understanding when we exchanged a few PMs quite some time back. Thank you.

    And dear Saffie, Bastan and Anne, thank you for your posts as well. I am so very glad I joined TP: where else would I get so many lovely and loving messages and all from people who know and live with dementia, whatever form it comes in.

    After a fairly recent post of mine, Sylvia posted a little picture of people all standing in a circle holding hands. We are all making up the circle, hand in hand, and at this particular time it is my turn to be held and supported by the rest of you. And I do so thank you for it.

    My love to you all,
    Nan XXX
  17. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Dear Nan

    What a lovely post from you.

    Long may you feel peaceful and calm. I think what is sustaining you is pure love. It has shone strong and bright from all your posts throughout Brain's rapid decline. Your love for Brian shall last forever, and his for you.

    My thoughts and love
    Loo xxx
  18. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    South Ribble
    Dear Nan, just sending a warm and gentle hug this morning xx
  19. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Me too Nan. x
  20. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    #100 Grannie G, Jul 8, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2011
    Here it is Nan. We are all here. xx

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