Hello everyone,
Had an absolutely manic couple of days, and though I've popped on and had quick skims of whats been happening with you all, I honestly haven't had time to read properly, or respond. A lot of it is down to the fact that the IT issues seem to have mainly been sorted (she says, turning cartwheeels, punching the air with relief - and crossing her fingers, just in case!) and I've been fathoms deep in databases and catch up. Oh and Maureen - we did a systems restore in the end, and everything went back to normal on our house pc - so yep, probably an update causing the issues there.
I also have news about Mil - more of that later!
Thanks sue and everyone else for the good wishes for Busta-dog. He is very, very much better - to the point where I am now having trouble convincing him that he no longer needs the specially cooked invalid diet that I've been providing him with
He now believes that steamed fish or chicken, with rice and doggy-suitable vegetables are no more than his due, and he is very reluctant to go back to his usual food. If I thought that teenagers had the monopoly on scathing looks and the ability to stalk off with their noses in the air, I was wrong - that old dog of mine could teach any teen how its done properly, every time I try putting a bowl of plain old dog food down in front of him!
Amy, how odd that the home would ask you to buy and bring in even an over the counter medication! Especially as you say that have access to their own pharmacy supply company. As cragmaid says, over here, there are very few OTC things that homes would ask for - in fact, where Mil went for DC and respite, unless something was prescribed as a regular thing by a GP, they were not allowed to give it to Mil, even down to paracetamols and aqueous cream for the dry skin on her legs. I think its odd when your Mum has moved to a unit that provides more support, that more support isn't being given to encourage her to change her clothes - I don't know exacty what the various catagories of care homes are in the US, or what support each catagory is expected to provide as a general rule - but 'memory unit' suggest to me that its a place where the issues associated with memory loss (including forgetting to change clothes, wash, etc) are recognised and the appropriate support should be provided. On the plus side, it does seem as though your Mum is settling pretty well in her new accomadation - which is briliant news
And how absolutely lovely of that young man to be so kind and considerate! Heartwarming to read something like that xxx
Hope you can get your Mum's shower and washer sorted quickly, Slugsta - things like that are trying at the best of times - add in trying to deal with incontinence when both those items are on the blink, and it must be a nightmare! Sorry that the first few viewings were no good for you and your OH (and the cats!) - got fingers crossed that you find the perfect place soon xxxx
JM, so glad to read that there are some improvements for your dau, and that she got her place back on the MTB programme. I feel for you having the long journey to attend a meeting - had a lot of that lately, myself, and it is exhausting. A mate remarked that it must be fab for me to go 'gadding off' all round the place, all in the name of work - but its all starting off in the dark, spending several hours in meetings, then heading home as it gets dark, and ending up shattered! No time to appreciate the sights of whereever it is I've been to!
Grace, I agree with Spamar - the pain in your good knee is probably due to you 'walking properly' now your bad knee has been sorted. I have had similar associated pain (and swelling) on my 'good' leg when I've had some effective pain relief on my 'bad' hip. I am so glad that you are not being 'bullied' where Mil is concerned, by your out-laws - stay strong, hun xxxx
OK - onto Mil!
Firstly, OH picked up some washing for me at the weekend. I was really annoyed to see it consisted of the tops from two of her new pj's - but no bottoms - 2 pairs of netties (which are neither hers, nor are they effective in dealing with ehr incontinence) 2 tops and a just one of her new bra's. So now I'm wondering if the bottoms from her new pj's have already gone walkabout! Anyway, I washed it all, and took it back yesterday morning, on my way to an early meeting I had. I felt well enough to risk seeing Mil properly - first time in nearly 2 weeks - and found her very laid back and chilled, telling me all about how she was going back to work - and she added that though she knew I wouldn't approve (?), she had decided that
'hairdressing has changed so much, whilst I've been ill, Ann, that I've decided to go for office work instead' . I just went along with it - though to my certain knowledge, she has never in her life either been a hairdresser or done 'office work', so I have no idea where that's come from. Still, she was calm and smiling, so that's the main thing. She seems to have lost an awful lot of weight over the last couple of weeks, though - her face seemed very thin to me, and she looked far frailer than she did a few weeks back
I also left with a bulging large bag of laundry - some wet stuff separated out into bags within the big bag - which was pretty pointless, as there was more urine-soaked stuff just mixed in with the main load
Its been washed and dried, and on todays agenda is sorting through and seeing if the missing pj bottoms are amongst the pile.
As I was leaving, I was told (almost as an after-thought, by the nurse who has to escort you out to open all the secure doors) that the home had actually come out the day before and assessed Mil - and that it seemed to go well. Driving to the meeting with my fingers crossed was tricky - but I figured it could well be worth it!
Back home, after the meeting, straight into my little office and got stuck into work. Came down to make a coffee and the phone rang. The assistant manageress from the home. Did we still want Mil to have the vacanct room there? I said yes and she informed me that they were happy to accept her, that she had already phoned the hospital and it had been arranged - subject to OH or I giving the go ahead - that Mil would move there - NEXT WEDNESDAY! The woman must have thought I was a bit on the slow side, as I repeatedly asked was she sure that the hospital had agreed to this? Afterall, all the meetings that I'm told we have to have are scheduled for next Wednesday - and here was this manageress saying that the move had been arranged for that very same morning! She was very sure, she said. So I thanked her - and rang the hospital.
Ward manager not there, but spoke to one of the staff nurses who said that there was absolutely no reason why Mil couldn't be moved - that the meetings were more or less 'formalities' as everyone is in agreement about the care Mil needs, and the 117 funding is a given. She did say I could phone the ward manager on Monday morning to check if I wanted. I'm actually off to Manchester (again) on Monday, but I've decided to get a later train so that I can definitely make that call! Because the SW has definitely left me with the impression that Mil cannot be moved until these blasted meetings are repeated. If there is yet another mix up, if it goes wrong because of wrong info being given or another mess up on the part of the hospital, I am seriously going to go ballistic!!!!
So (Hoping and praying that there won't be any more mix ups or incompetence) another busy few days ahead! Son and oldest are back home for a few days next week - its oldests 24th birthday on Halloween, so she is coming down during her schools half term so we can have a bit of a birthday celebration - I have the Manchester meet (won't be home till nearly 10 that evening!), I have to try and sort out what Mil has at the hospital, what I need to buy and get it all to Mil's new 'home' by Tuesday night, so that its all set up and (hopefully) welcoming for her on Wednesday morning. The home and the hospital have both strongly advised that we let staff from the hospital escort Mil to her new home and settle her in, and that we then phone later in the day to check the advisability of visiting. I really think that's a good idea - I suspect that if we try to take her, there may be some upset, as goodness knows what expectations us taking her anywhere might raise in her.
Talk about a rollercoaster! Its just been a long ride of hopes raised and then dashed for a while now, so I am scared to believe that a move to somewhere permenant and settled for Mil is finally going to happen. Both OH and I had an initial response of huge relief - but sat there last night, we both were hit by the reality of the fact that Mil is going in a home - something we had hoped so hard that we could avoid for her. So there is sadness. And a little guilt. because although we are telling ourselves that it isn't 'us' that has 'put her in a home' (such a flipping negative phrase!) - its the dementia that has made this unavoidable, we haven't failed, we haven't let her down, that we couldn't have done more - there is still that niggle at the back of your mind that asks "Are you really sure about that? Could you have done more?". Doing our best to hit that GM with the big stick, but I think its almost inevitable that these feelings will be there - and that we just have to ride them out and come to terms with it all.
So - please all keep fingers crossed that this all goes smoothly for us and Mil - and that this home turns out to be the best place for Mil. It ticked the vast majority of the 'boxes' that OH and I had, and despite the collossal let down of the first placement being lost due to a mix up on the part of the home, OH and I remained impressed by it looking and smelling clean, by the general atmosphere, by the staff interaction with the residents that we saw when we visited, and by the reports of how well they cope with challenging behaviour. The fact that its so close is a big bonus too. So I really hope that we have chosen well for her.
Take care everyone - hope you all have a calm and peaceful weekend xxxx