1. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    2,852
    England
    Ask the GP about ferritin injections JM.
     
  2. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Ann, I know that you are no stranger to early starts, so I hope this morning wasn't too hard on you. The IT problems must be terribly frustrating, hope they are soon sorted. Also hope that the sniffles don't develop into anything worse.

    I well remember your battles with MIL, getting her to allow the bed to be changed etc. That's why I find Mum's casual acceptance difficult. Mum never says something like 'Oh, I need the loo urgently. Oh dear, it's too late' Yesterday, after we finished our drinks, I said 'come on then, let's go to the loo', to which Mum replied 'don't bother, it's too late'! Nor did she seem upset about the wet pillows etc. I guess it can only be good that the situation doesn't upset her. There's no point in me trying to look at this through the eyes of someone without dementia as Mum is no longer that person :(

    Jm, I understand your point that GP's don't deal with athletes enough to say whether or not your daughter should push herself. Do you have access to anyone, via the club maybe, who could give her some idea as to what level she should be working at?

    Amy, you are in my thoughts.

    Today has been bright and dry - but very much cooler than it has been. I have gone back to socks and boots after a summer of sandals. I always forget how difficult it actually is to put my socks on! :(
     
  3. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Hello everyone. First let me thank you for all your support, cyber hugs, kind wishes, and good thoughts in my direction. I hope everyone is as well as they can be with kids, work, travel, health, caring for others, and healing from knee operations!

    The move has been accomplished, and was completed in the allotted time span, although only just. In the end we had about three hours and we needed every minute of that. My husband and two family friends helped us and it wasn't too many people.

    Sadly, Miss T's family were unable to come today, so the staff had to move her things and guess at a lot of it. I was hoping to finally have the chance to meet them. Miss T is really lovely (at least to me and in hostess mode!) and I am so grateful my mother has her as a friend.

    My husband and I will return on Saturday to finish clearing out the rest of the things from my mother's old room. (Of course they charge her for both rooms, until we clean out the other one!)

    Unwelcome discoveries, which of course I feel badly about not noticing sooner, include the fact that my mother had very few pairs of pants (underpants, in American English), despite me buying quite a few pairs for her over the past 18 months. I found a few, soiled, in the bottom of her wardrobe. I had had the foresight to buy ten new pairs, marked and washed and ready to put in her dresser. The other discovery, which I didn't have foresight on, was that most of her sheets seem to have disappeared. She had three full sets (bottom sheet, top sheet, pillowcases) when we moved her in, and I could only find one full set today (the set that was on her bed, which was soiled), plus random pillowcases.

    So, after we were finished, and had a late lunch, I went and bought her two more sets of sheets, ten more pairs of pants, and more socks (she didn't seem to have enough of those, either), plus some other bits and pieces.

    Her TINY new wardrobe held more than I thought it would, and I was able to take most of her clothes to her new room. To be honest, I wanted to take them all home so I could wash them. Now that she will be getting more care, I hope to be able to speak to them about that and ask nicely that they change her clothes AND WASH THEM. I know it's likely that she takes her clothes off and puts them back on again the next day, and it's not a huge deal, but I would like her to have clean sheets and towels once a week and clean clothes every few days. If they didn't have enough sheets to change her bed, wouldn't they have told me?

    I am so tired I can't really think straight, I just wanted to let you know that it went okay. I have a message in to the nurse manager/staff to hear how her reaction was, when she and Miss T came to their new rooms. They had a nice long outing today. The weather was gorgeous; sunny and 80 degrees (that's Fahrenheit, about 26 Celsius, I think) and we have just a hint of color starting on some trees so you could pretend it's still summer. (Until the weekend when it will go back to a more usual and moderate temperature for this time of the year.) They went to a pumpkin patch and then to lunch at a favourite restaurant with amazing desserts/puddings, and apparently didn't notice (or didn't comment) that they were with a slightly different group of people.

    I am really dithering so will give up and go to bed. Hope you're all as well as possible and thank you again for your support.
     
  4. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    #6204 Ann Mac, Oct 7, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2016
    Morning all,

    A not quite so early start this morning, thank goodness!

    Thank you Anne - London was good, met a lot of the whole of the 'team' that I'm part of, and without exception, found them all friendly, welcoming, enthusiastic and helpful. Learnt a bit more about the whole organisation, very interesting, and was able to put a few more faces to the names that I've been in email and phone contact with. Got home last night to find that yep, you've guessed it - someone actually did try to deliver the IT stuff yesterday, and OH (who had just done a run of nights) actually managed to sleep through the dogs usual loud reaction to the door being knocked, so today I will have to go collect it from the sorting office. I was so tired, last night, I must admit that it was a case of snarfing down the meal OH had made, watching 'Bake off' from the night before - and falling into bed.

    I really hope that the new dose of medication works for your daughter, JM, and that there are not many many side effects for her. Mil was anaemic, and for her, the constipation was the absolutely worse aspect of the tablets she had to take for quite a while, but I also rememebr being put on iron tablets when I was carrying one of my kids (can't remember which) and being awfully upset that they started to cause my teeth to discolour - the discolouration went once I stopped taking them, thankfully. Slugsta's suggestion to see if there is anyone at the club whop can advised on how much your daughter should be pushing herself at the moment is a good one, I hope there is someone there who can advise xxx

    I guess it is good that the incontinence isn't upsetting your Mum, Slugsta, but I can understand the difficulty in accepting that sort of response - its so hard to believe that something that your Mum, that any of us for that matter, would find so embarressing and distressing normally can be shrugged off with little or no concern. Its another one of those sharp reminders of just how much this horrible illness changes our loved one, so whilst you can be glad that they are not upset, the reminder is still distressing for the carer :(

    Bless you Amy - I hope you managed to get a good rest after the room move. I'm glad you managed to get it all done in the allotted time, but can imagine it was really hard and stressful work! Frustrating that so many of her possessions had gone missing, and you could well have done without having to sort all that out on top of the move. Lets hope that with more support now in place, that issues like that are very much eased and the staff are able to keep track of her belongings. Also hoping that your Mum wasn't distressed by the change in accommodation when she got back from her day out, and that she settles without any upset, for your sake as well as hers, Hun xxxx

    Its supposed to be a day off for me today, but I have to sort collecting the IT stuff, and get my 'expenses' for the last 3 days up to date - too darn easy to lose fiddling little receipts, car park tickets and the rest, or forget to add in the milage for this or that meeting you had to attend. I have a fairly heavy week next week, including my first 'one to one' with my boss, visiting one of the care homes that are part of the organisation, re-visiting a day centre that I will be working with and an open day at the local uni (who are interested in a partnership with my project to support their disabled students) - thats as well as getting all the equipment (now I have it all) up and running, and starting to get to grips with the admin and database. The following week is also pretty full, with meetings and a run to Manchester, though to be fair, I have been told firmly that I MUST take my rest days and I am not expected to go over my hours - its just difficult to stick to that when you are setting everything up, and fitting in training and inductions, as well as your work! We'll be visiting Mil later, hopefully find out whats happening with sorting out the funding and if there is a time frame now in place for her move to the home. We have been told provisonally that it should be all go for her to make the change in about 3 weeks - however, I'm not banking on anything as I well know how many hitches there can be!

    Hope you all have a good day xxxx
     
  5. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,951
    Suffolk
    Wow, did one of RAnne's speed reads!
    I'm sitting in Morrisons, again, with my water and kit Kat catching up while CW has bought some flowers for harvest festival this weekend.
    Bless you all for expressions of kindness! I've been doing this journey for many years and have never had problems before. It's difficult to come to terms with, I must admit. Might come home earlier, break the journey if it's necessary. Don't want to catch the tail of the hurricane, I had enough rain on the way down, thank you.
    I wish you all well, just not enough time to comment, but I'll be back in full flow soon!
     
  6. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Thanks for all your good wishes and support.

    I've just heard from the nurse manager that they did tell my mother and Miss T that the new rooms were because of "broken plumbing pipes" in their old rooms. The nurse said that everything went well, my mother and Miss T were grateful for all the hard work, and that "they loved their new rooms." The staff found some clean sheets for my mother as well. So I'm heaving a huge sigh of relief.

    Sorry to tell you all that I had a semi-sleepless night, due no doubt to the stresses of yesterday, combined with an email from the financial advisor that there is no progress with the financial/legal mess, and now I have more work to do there. You all know how much I love the paperwork (hah). I was able to get some sleep and things look brighter this morning--what's left of it. I could do a lot of things but part of my plan for today is to get out and enjoy what is predicted to be the last warm and sunny day this week.

    I was going to go to the care home with clean sheets and things but we have to go tomorrow, so there is likely no point and it can wait a day.

    Hope you're all okay and more later and thank you all so much.
     
  7. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Ann, I'm very glad that you are encouraged to stick to your working hours and rest days. It's so easy to let work overflow, especially when you are working from home and/or have no set working pattern.

    I do hope that the arrangements for the move to the NH go well for all concerned. I'm sure it will be nice to see MIL settling into her new home and know that she should be there long term.

    Amy, I'm glad that you managed to get your mum's belongings moved in time. I hope that she and her friend both find the move smooth and free from upset. Sorry that you have a lot of financial stuff to sort out :( Hope that you managed to get that evening in the sunshine that you planned.

    (((Spamar))), it's always hard when we realise that things we used to do without a second thought are now rather more difficult :(

    We took Mum shopping, as usual this morning. This afternoon she had an appointment with the GP with a special interest in ENT, relating to her nosebleeds. Of course, she has not had a nosebleed for some weeks now! We agreed that we would hold off cauterising for now but I can phone for a quick appointment if they start again. Mum, bless her, told the Doc that her nosebleeds have stopped now 'because they took the things out'! I think she believes the examination the GP did was some sort of procedure.

    Hubby have had our usual Friday evening - in bed, watching a film, accompanied by some snacks, chocolate and the cats :) Alf and Sky are both on the end of the bed, all is quiet as long as they do not inadvertently touch each other. It's already far better than the relationship ever was between Alf and Cleo and I hope there will be further improvement over time.

    No more viewings on the house, no word from the person who viewed twice. It's early days yet. I have to keep reminding myself of that :eek:
     
  8. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    647
    NW UK
    I've come back to say hello to you all :), I've missed you

    I'm doing really well. It's 7 weeks this Monday I had my knee done.
    Getting out and about (slowly), I've driven , only locally. Insurers know I had my knee done.
    Had a few near misses falls. Knee went into 'lockdown', but managed to save myself.
    Considering the short time .... I feel OK.
    Did too much earlier in the week. I went out one day, felt so good thought I'd do the same the following day.
    Just went to my local shops, had a wander .... 1/2 hour or so.
    Came home and had to have a nap (I NEVER nap) I was soooo tired.


    Welllll... today I / we went over to visit MiL with my niece.
    Too far (at the mo) for me to drive there and back... so niece drove.
    Good job, as it took over an hour, stop / start traffic , road works +++
    She drops her 2 kids off with their dad (live I same town as MiL) ....


    Not seen , but have spoken to MiL many times, since I had my knee done.
    The plan was we were going to go out for lunch as at Church (not Mils) café, only when we got there we were met with a stinking kitchen that HAD to be dealt with.

    We think 'it' was chicken juice type smell, as empty raw chicken packets were sat on the side.
    I'm still not up for cleaning .... scrubbing type cleaning, so my poor niece had to cope alone.
    MiL has a mat in her kitchen, and that stank more than the worktops. That went in the wheelie bin !!
    The kitchen bin, all worktops were washed several times with boiling water and bleach.

    MiL looked OK but older. Not sure how she can 'look older' in only a few weeks, but she did.
    She also looking thinner (she can afford to lose a lot of weight) , and I thought pale.

    I used my stick to get up and down MiL entrance / steps , and she asked my why ? had I hurt myself?, fallen over? and had no recollection of me having my knee done.
    MiL still thinks her daughter had her knee done....
    We sat and chatted while my niece got to work on the kitchen. She got quite teary.

    As we missed Church lunch I suggested fish and chips. MiL cheered up at that idea.
    Niece went to collect , we set the table.
    MiL started eating then decided that MY fish and ships looked 'better than hers'.
    I refused to swap plates with her, and she sat in a 'huff' like a naughty infant !
    Nothing wrong with her food, she'd eaten over 1/2 before she set her beady eyes on mine.

    I feel tired , exhausted , but pleased that I have seen MiL.
    Its going to be a good few weeks , couple of months that I get back to calling in on her.

    I / we need to replace mat (its only from B&Q, not posh) , so niece is going to try and get one, and hopefully drop it off tomorrow when she goes to pick up the kids.


    OOOOOhhhh....
    SiL (different one) popped in to see me week before last ...
    She said 'Had I thought anymore about what 'we' were going to do with MiL for Christmas?
    After all, its only fair that you have her this year....
    I said I was going away for Christmas .... SiL not happy !!!

    I'll catch up with you all tomorrow, getting tired, knee beginning to hurt as I'm sitting.

    Take care xxxx
     
  9. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,067
    Female
    Chester
    Grace - good to hear from you.

    DON'T OVERDO IT PLEASE - sorry for shouting - just looking after you.

    Sounds like a reasonable visit to MIL as these things go. They really don't want MIL with them for Christmas do they. Not sure which one they stayed with last year, but serves them right.

    napping is all part of the healing process so no harm there - I often nap (well we all do after a bike ride) as I don't get enough sleep in the week (too much juggling) and need to catch up on a Thursday

    Slugsta - quick appt for ENT sounds good. Cats sound like they are very OK together given the short time, we seem to have found it takes at least 6 months for equilibrium with a new animal introduction to the household (we presume with kids equilibrium is only reached when they leave)

    Amy - hope you sort out what you want - sounds like the move went well, and ultimately the home is there to look after her.

    Ann - hope you're having a good weekend and not too worn out with work.

    Katrine - thanks for suggestion - I've googled it and indicates injections used when level is below 20 - we think it was before tablets started, blood test booked for end of month, so will see how that goes.

    Definitely felt cooling towards autumn on my Friday ride yesterday, a good variety of scenery, open hill top roaming sheep running across our path, good job we slowed as we neared them, fab views from Halkyns to Clwyds, pheasants on the road for much of a steep descent just moving in time, and then as we crossed the estuary, a pair of herons. Sunny but definitely autumn temps today.
     
  10. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Grace, it's nice to see you and hear your update. Please do look after yourself and let that knee heal. I hope you continue to improve.

    Please be careful with setting and maintaining boundaries with your in-laws. They have proven over and over that if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. You need to worry about yourself right now.

    JM, hope you can get your daughter's health straightened out. I know nothing of her condition and nothing about cycling, so sorry if this is a stupid/inappropriate suggestion, but I wonder about consulting a sports medicine specialist (not sure if that's the correct term for the UK)?

    Slugsta, sending good wishes for the house viewings. Glad to hear the kitties are peaceful!

    Thank you all for your kind wishes and support. Yesterday (Friday) I did manage to spend a couple of hours at a local park, in the sun, reading a book. It was heavenly, I won't lie. Today was sunny but much cooler, but still sunny and no complaints about the weather from me. More of the trees here are starting to turn and the sky had that autumnal blue colo(u)r today.

    Today DH and I went to the care home to clear out my mother's old room, which was quicker than I expected. I met Miss T's son, DIL, and two granddaughters, which was very nice. We expressed mutual gratitude for them making this move together. We took my mother two brand new sets of clean sheets (I checked her bed and they did have clean sheets on it, the care home's, but I don't care whose they are so long as they're clean) and extra pillowcases and some toiletries and snacks I noticed she was low on.

    I tried to find a staff person to sign off on the empty room but nobody had any paperwork for me?! Fine, whatever. I will write then an email to make sure they know we cleared it out today. I still haven't heard anything about a new care plan, the new pricing agreement, a new contract, any of that. To be honest, today I don't care.

    My mother and Miss T were having lunch while DH and I were there, at a table for two. Miss T had her back to the hall but we walked right past the dining room on our way in. My mother did not notice us. We finished in her new room quickly and debated if we should go and talk to them, but they were still eating and we, rather uncertainly, decided not to interrupt them. I just never know what's best to do. DH thinks as long as my mother appears busy, or settled, or content, that we should leave well enough alone and give her time to adjust. She's only been in the new wing for just over two days, after all, and he is probably right.

    I had another sleepless night last night (new rule: no spending time on the computer when I can't sleep; I looked up stuff that distressed me and that's just silly at 1 am) and so today was tired, and upset, and intermittently quite tearful. This is as upset as I've been about my mother in a very long time and I understand what is going on, but can't say I like it. As most of you probably know, I was never close to my mother and pre-dementia she was a difficult person in general, and a difficult parent as well. I've been relatively free of guilt during this process but admit the remorse/anticipatory loss/whatever you call it, has been hitting me hard lately. I know it's ridiculous because I cannot change the past and even if I could do it over, there's likely nothing I could have done, to have changed our relationship and how it turned out. Certainly the dementia isn't my fault. I know all that. I hate all of this.

    On a practical note, in addition to the missing sheets, most of her towels have gone walkabout as well, so we will take her some towels tomorrow. I also didn't find her laundry basket. Maybe the missing sheets and towels are in the basket, in the laundry? I think her clothes and other belongings are in reasonably good shape. At least, I think so! Wait, I spoke too soon, she needs socks. I took another 8 new pairs of pants today and found two soiled pairs in the shower. :( I will have to talk to the staff about that as she is clearly struggling with some aspect of toileting/hygiene. I don't want her to be upset about it but I also don't want her to not be clean. Memory care is supposed to be able to better manage these needs; I hope they can live up to their billing! I am sure they can, actually, I just don't know how things work there compared to where she was and it always makes me anxious when I don't have information.

    I will hush now and go to bed. Thank you all again and hope you all have a good Sunday!
     
  11. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    #6211 Ann Mac, Oct 9, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2016
    Morning everyone,

    Spamar, I really hope the journey home is a lot easier than the journey out for you, hun xxxx

    Its good to read of the progression with Alf and Sky, Slugsta - they do seem to have gone a long way towards accepting each other in a pretty short time, which is brilliant. Got fingers crossed that your Mum's nosebleeds don't make a reappearance - never had to experience cauterisation, but it doesn't sound the most pleasant of procedures!

    Well, Grace - talk about sheer, flipping cheek!!! Honestly, the nerve of your Mil's family takes my breath away! What are "WE" going to do with Mil for Christmas, indeed! Glad you had a quick response for her, but as Amy says, give that bunch an inch, and they will take a mile, so make sure you stick to those boundaries hun - and that's for Mils sake, as well as yours. I'll echo JM and say for goodness sake, TAKE IT EASY - slow but steady hun, to get yourself back to normality with your knee, don't risk setting yourself back by doing too much too soon xxx

    JM, hope the blood test at the end of the month shows a big improvement for your girl. We were out yesterday, in the Glyn Ceriog area and I saw that the trees are really starting to turn now - beautiful! Planning on heading back that way, when I can in the next week or so, with my camera - its a pretty area at any time of the year, but in Autumn, it can be spectacular.

    Just want to send you massive {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} to start, Amy x Common sense, knowing that you can't change anything, even knowing that you have honestly done your best, are at times are not very effective weapons against either the Guilt Monster, or the compulsion to go over and over things and fret about them - especially in the wee small hours of the night. I know - because though I'm better than I was pre-GP visit, I'm still having bad days and nights, where I just feel so low and overwhelmed by a long list of 'what ifs' and 'I wish'. I do think these feelings are made worse when you are faced with a lot of stuff to deal with - in your case, sorting the finances and the paperwork, as well as the move. I can tell myself till I'm blue in the face that I've done my best, that this isn't my fault, that its all down to the dementia - but even knowing that's the truth, I still feel just horrible. The lack of info, for you, won't help either - uncertainty is never a good bed fellow when you are overwhelmed by other stresses. I believe those fellow carers who say that it will get easier, it just takes time - so the only advice I can give you, is to give yourself that time, and please, please, unload here whenever you want to - I think that it helps xxxxxxx

    Not having a brilliant weekend. By Friday mid morning, the annoying bit of a sniffle I've had for a week or so developed into a very sore throat, full on sneezing and a cough - and OH was in the same state :( However, I still had to go and collect the work stuff from the sorting office, get clean laundry to Mil and chase up what is happening with the assessment and move to the home for Mil. Phoned the hospital first thing to explain about both OH and I being ill, and that because of it we couldn't visit Mil (last thing we need at this point is her picking up a nasty infection and ending up on a medical ward again!) - we agreed I would just drop off her clean clothes at the door and then I asked about how the assessment had gone. The ward manager told me it had been rearranged from the Wednesday to the Thursday - but that then the manager from the home hadn't shown up. He said that they were going to chase it up and I asked them to ring me and keep me informed. He assured me that they would - but after collecting the work stuff from the sorting office, OH headed back to bed and I just crashed out on the sofa and by the time I woke and realised that the hospital hadn't rung, the ward manager had left - I now have to wait till tomorrow to find out what is happening. Which is a pain because I have a heavy work load tomorrow, which includes an important meeting, a telephone 'chat' with my boss in advance of my first 'one-to-one' review later in the week - and setting up all my IT stuff. Tuesday and Wednesday are similarly busy, and it will take most of Thursday to deal with the admin updates that I have to do IF the IT installation has gone to plan! In addition, I have to now take the issue with the school to the next level, and as so far that has been a real lesson in extreme frustration and getting nowhere, the inclination to just say "S*d it' is pretty strong - even whilst I know that I can't really do that as even just this last week, there was yet another 'incident' with the same teacher.

    As well as that, sorting out the spare room and turning it back into my office simply has to be done in the next week or so - Mil's hospital bed has to go (the home we have found do provide them) and 3 stacking storage units have to be emptied, sorted and found a new home. I need to fit shelves and oldest is going to have to decide what the heck she wants me to do with a huge amount of her 'stuff' - soft toys she has been given as gifts, alongside a lot of other bits and bobs - she doesn't want it all in her bedroom, but it can't stay in my 'office' either! I have to order the office equipment, stationary and furniture that I need (work pay for that, thank goodness) and sort out the travel arrangements and tickets for an event I have to go to in Newcastle, next month - in addition to travelling for a National Team meeting (location not yet decided) and a Wales team meeting (probably going to be in South Wales again).


    I'm also fed up with the lack of help around the house - OH is doing a bit more, but the bulk of everything is still being left for me - all the cooking, the washing, the ironing, the cleaning, the shopping. A lot of it is just 'habit' - for the last few years I've been the one at home and best placed to deal with the house and all the chores, and its a case of the rest of the family just don't 'think' - though having said that, to be fair, OH yesterday (out of the blue) said he want's us to all sit down and work out some way of him and youngest doing a bit more to help - he says he has realised that I'm still doing most of everything and that it isn't fair. So, we'll see. At the moment, very little time for zoo trips, for me to edit several lots of images that I've taken (thats one of the ways I love to chill out, and I'm frsutrated that I'm so far behind!) - even the trip to Glyn Ceriog was in anticipation of a meeting I have there next week - I wanted to be sure I could find the right location - not just a run out for the fun of it.


    There aren't enough hours in the week at the moment!

    As you can probably see, feeling very overwhelmed and the grumpy black cloud is sitting on my shoulders again at the moment. I'm telling myself that things will calm down once I have the IT stuff clear and sorted, once I have my office sorted and once we have Mil settled - its just summoning up the energy and gritting my teeth to get to that point. Once November is out of the way, the bulk of training, inductions and meetings that require a lot of travel will also ease off, and that will help - at the moment, there are a lot of weeks where I have days that start at 6a.m. and don't finish till 7.30pm or later, due to the travel, and its bound to be exhausting, I guess.

    Right - shower, quick tidy up and on to the school business!

    Take care everyone, and have a good day xxxx
     
  12. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    819
    You are doing the bulk of everything!Could your husband deal with ward manager re assessment?And maybe the school issue too?Or at least one of them?I had a similar situation when I returned to work post-children,my youngest was 13 by that time.All full of good intentions which came to nothing.I eventually went on a work to rule,I cooked my meal,did my washing and ironing and no more.It was an absolute pain as I like order.It did the trick to a certain extent,never a fair division of labour but at least they put dirty clothes in the basket,washed up after themselves and sometimes cobbled together some food!Partly habit as you say but also partly my personality,I am definitely in the 'rescuer'category!
     
  13. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,951
    Suffolk
    Haven't got time to reply to anyone, but I'm in service station south of Bristol, on the way home. I'm only about 1/3, if that, of the way, but taking it steady!
    Time to catch up tomorrow, unless I decide to stay somewhere tonight, when I shall have plenty of time!
     
  14. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    647
    NW UK
    Just a quick pop in today, I'll post more in the week.

    Yup.. SiL has some cheek ...
    SiL (nieces mum) told other SiL she had already spoken to me about MiL and Christmas ...
    SiL had NOT said a word, so outright lied to SiL No2.

    SiL that came over to visit me, was the SiL family that MiL spent last Christmas with.
    They don't want to do that again. Don't blame them, MiL too disruptive +++

    MiL other son (that lives in same town) are 'home' for most of Christmas/New Year.
    MiL other daughter and family are coming to stay with their brother. No room for Mum.

    I have a spare room, and according to family its not 'healthy' that I am living on my own.
    Also.... they keep saying I wont admit I am lonely .... I need company ... hint... hint....

    Sorry, there is no way MiL is coming to me this year.
    I had not planned to go away, but now I might go down to see my Sister in the SW.

    MiL too aggressive to cope with for long. Yesterday was the longest I had spent with her in ages.
    I've yet to see her 'on my own', to see if she is back to being aggressive, pushing/ shoving me ....
    without being in 'hostess mode' in the company of my niece.

    Had a bad night sleeping.... think my MiL visit didn't help. I couldn't switch off.

    I've had a couple 'withheld numbers' .... so I'm being extra careful at call screening.
    I'm guessing they are from family trying to make me change my mind.

    I'll catch up with you later in the week xxxx
     
  15. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,247
    Female
    South coast
    Time to move once your knee is healed?
     
  16. Lorna44

    Lorna44 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2016
    176
    Female
    Surrey
    I can't believe the cheek of them Grace, look after yourself and don't give in!!
     
  17. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,597
    West Midlands
    That crossed my mind too :)


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  18. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Spamar, please have a safe drive home, and don't worry about catching up here until you're home and rested.

    Grace, I am sorry to hear you had a bad night. I hope you weren't having too much pain from your knee. I understand (all too well) about not being able to "switch off" and you are likely correct that the visit to MIL was disturbing.

    It's clear your in-laws are not kind or caring or considerate people, and that they don't respect you or your limitations or your requests or your boundaries, at all, ever, from what I can tell. You need space and time to make sure you completely recover from your knee op. I suspect that as long as you continue to talk to them, they will continue to treat you poorly.

    I know you feel you have an obligation to your MIL, and that you are concerned for her well-being, which speaks well of you as NOT being like your in-laws, but the in-laws are clearly eager to dump all responsibility for MIL on you, without any consideration for you. The one SIL in particular sounds more than a little nuts, or at least is very self-centered and/or has her head stuck well into the sand. I just don't see where you having contact with these people, does you any good whatsoever, and in fact may do you a great deal of harm. Apologies if I upset you or have overstepped the boundaries; I admit it's none of my business but cannot help feeling worried about you. Please, please look after yourself, Grace.

    Ann, overall the new job sounds great and I'm so pleased for you. Sorry you are still having issues with the equipment/IT stuff and setting up and hope this gets straightened out sooner rather than later. Of course it's still early days in terms of training and so forth, plus the equipment factor, plus the travel; it all adds up to a lot. I think you sound close to being overwhelmed with the new job, feeling poorly, the school situation, the domestic stuff, and of course MIL. I know some of those things will be less stressful at some point, as you say (let's hope this is a brief and mild cold, for example) but can imagine you feel pulled in many directions at the moment.

    I don't have brilliant suggestions about the domestic stuff, other than what your OH said, that you all sit down and work something out. But I can clearly hear in your posts that something is going to give, if your household workload doesn't change, and I don't want the thing that gives, to be you!

    Thank you for the kind words and the encouragement to feel free to offload here. I do still feel shy about that at times. I slept better last night and although it's cool again today, the sun is shining and I am going to see what I can accomplish today to make me feel better. First up is writing an email to the care home, so nobody can say I didn't TELL them we cleared out the old room yesterday, and seeing if they can account for any of her missing sheets and towels, and all that stuff. Then I'll see if I can sort out some new towels for her. I have plenty here at the house I could take in, but it's better for my mother if they are all the same color (blue) as she seems to better "recognize" them as "hers" that way. I would like to wonder what on earth happened to all her hand towels and washcloths (flannels? face cloths? can't recall the correct UK term) but that is a waste of energy, I know.

    All right, off to write that email so I can stop thinking about it. Thank you all again and sending you all hugs and good wishes.
     
  19. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,951
    Suffolk
    Home in one piece, the car, anyway. My mind is whirling and various joints ache ( except my knee, Grace!). I don't think I'm going to drive down there again, my brain has given up!
    Shall spend evening watching tv! Plus throwing things at the laundry basket. Tomorrow, a long shower and hair wash and a quick flip to the shop! Hopefully nothing else!
     
  20. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Welcome home Spamar! Glad you got there in one piece and hope you are able to have a few quiet days to get your energy back after the long drive.

    (((Amy))) the little demon, that sits on our shoulders and drips poison into our ears, is always more powerful in the wee small hours.

    BTW, both 'face cloth' and 'flannel' equate to your 'washcloth' :)

    (((Grace))) your in-laws really do take the biscuit! It does seem that, if you give them an inch, they will take several miles. I hope you are able to continue being strong in resisting their hints and demands.

    JM, I do hope you are able to get some professional advice regarding your daughter's training etc.

    (((Ann))) that black cloud is always stronger when we are tired. I hope you are able to sort out some long-term help with the household work-load. Short-term, could you pay someone to help with the cleaning etc? Please remember that 1) the dust is not entirely your responsibility and 2) the world won't end if you let things get a bit more dusty/untidy than usual!

    Sorry that you and OH both have another bout of the lurgy, I hope it doesn't last long. I guess there is no point in asking you to try and get plenty of rest while you are unwell??

    I had a call this afternoon from one of Mum's neighbours. Mum had asked her to ring me and say that she wanted me to go over. On questioning, it transpired that nothing was actually wrong other than Mum feeling a bit lonely. I'm afraid I said that, in that case, I will see her in the morning as planned. I'm going to meet a friend's daughter there tomorrow and she will take over Mum's cleaning for us. I had only recently commented that we hadn't had a call from Mum for ages. I suspect she has forgotten how to use the phone herself - but has clearly found a way round the problem! :rolleyes:

    So, having refused to go over, I suspect that the GM will be dripping it's poison into my ear tonight!

    It's been bright and dry here but decidedly cooler. I hope everyone has been able to enjoy a bit of late sunshine this weekend.
     

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