Helen is there anyone who can advocate for you in this situation?
To help you communicate with them and get support. I had the reverse problem when I used one as I was trying to get my mum home out of hospital but I found it invaluable. I know Mind offer a service where they will advocate for you in social services meetings and doctors meetings if you struggling with your mental health and need support. I had such a positive experience with it - it makes social workers etc sit up and do things properly. And you can't be fobbed off. I think it would be worth a call to Mind to see what is possible as your not being heard and approaching carer breakdown. I've been there and its a miserable place to be and its impossible to fight for yourself when your feeling so low...@Frank24 -do you mean to convince social services we can’t cope?
I so agree with Frank24. Carer breakdown is fairly widespread. Consider telling them you are in carer breakdown and it is literally impossible for you to cope, Social workers have a brief to keep people with dementia at home, their brief is to follow the least restrictive option for the PWD. Not to mention the financial issues. Of course you matter, but I know how easy it is to conclude we don’t. All strength to you, you are such a lovely human being.To help you communicate with them and get support. I had the reverse problem when I used one as I was trying to get my mum home out of hospital but I found it invaluable. I know Mind offer a service where they will advocate for you in social services meetings and doctors meetings if you struggling with your mental health and need support. I had such a positive experience with it - it makes social workers etc sit up and do things properly. And you can't be fobbed off. I think it would be worth a call to Mind to see what is possible as your not being heard and approaching carer breakdown. I've been there and its a miserable place to be and its impossible to fight for yourself when your feeling so low...
Let it all out Helen, it's not you, it's not your Dad, it's not your Mum, it's dementia. We all get it, the silent screaming, feeling alone and like you've failed. You've will never fail anyone if you care about your Mum and do what you can for her, even if that is moving her to a home. If that is the best thing to do for her then so be it, it isn't failure, it takes a great deal of strength to admit you can do no more.Dad also in tears. He can hardly speak about it. He has just said he is worried that the shock of her going back into the same home may well kill her. Am I divulging you much on here? I’m so sorry everyone x
Not withstanding caring for mum, dad and the kids, my job this week was full on and I had worked a 60 hr week by Thursday.
@Helen10 am I right in thinking that you're trying to do a job as well as caring for a family AND looking after your Mum? If so, I suggest you contact your doctor and ask for a sick note for yourself. I started to fall to bits when it became clear that Mum had some form of dementia and a month away from work really did help.
Hi Helen, I joined this forum so I could reply to you.
the worst part of all this, is the toll it can take on us carers.
something I think is important, is for us to differentiate between “crisis“ and “chronic“.
there are times when the worry and the anxiety that comes with being a carer can feel so overwhelming and hopeless, but for me, those times are often because I’m treating the “chronic” as a “crisis“.
when we have space to “worry”, it’s usually in the quiet moments often after a “crisis” moment, and our worry just prolongs the pain.
I remind myself that the crisis (for now) has passed, there will be another one, but not right now.
we want to be perfect as carers, 9 times out of 10, I am, I’m patient, kind, thoughtful, strong, but all of that can be undone when I “fail”, when I react badly, am not patient, am unkind, am weak.
we will have those moments, and they too will pass. We are only human, and it’s ok to find this really really hard...because it is.
I know this is a bit rambling, but I think it’s important for us a carers to understand that this journey is one of moments, it’s chronic, but not always crisis.
I really hope the support you need will come soon, and while you are waiting, you are amongst friends here. This is a road well trodden, we are not the first, nor the last, and I gives me great comfort to know that there are many on the same journey with me.
I'm so sorry you've reached an impasse with the social worker. I'm sure that others will be along with some practical suggestions very shortly but here are some hugs to keep you going {{{@helen10}}}
I am so sorry that the SW was rude and made you feel like that. Nobody should be made to feel like that You are definitely not useless.Thanks again everyone.
Spoken to SW again this afternoon. She was very rude. She questioned my ability as a parent and a carer. She made me feel woefully inadequate once again. Still no end in sight.
I saw the useful information on Mind and will give them a call. Am just about to call admiral nurses now after finishing sorting kids out.
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SW to tend to push buttons. im feeling a bit like that myself tonight but tomorrow could be a better day. just have to wait and seeFeeling very low and inadequate tonight. Told that not only I’m not caring for mum but kids too ?