Who to contact first when you feel you have reached crisis point?
- Thread starter Helen10
- Start date
Of course they won’t be better off without you.
That is exhaustion talking..
Ring tomorrow anyone who can help and see if you can reduce the number of hours you work!!
Take care and I wish you a refreshing nights sleep.
That is exhaustion talking..
Ring tomorrow anyone who can help and see if you can reduce the number of hours you work!!
Take care and I wish you a refreshing nights sleep.
Oh Helen I just want to say that you have NOT failed and you certainly do deserve everyone's concern. We do not deserve to end up caring for someone with dementia - it is cruel for the person who has it and everybody else around them. Right now I expect you are exhausted and need some space to see things more clearly. I tried all sorts to look after my uncle but whatever I tried he just became more dissatisfied and difficult to deal with. I too thought I was failing but I see now that it was the terrible disease and his upset had very little to do with anything I did or did not do. It takes a team of people to look after someone with dementia.
BTW, it is not your duty to look after your mum - Social Services have the duty of care, not you.
That was emotional blackmail.
That was emotional blackmail.
Hi Helen, I'm really hoping you've managed to get some sleep but, if not, I'm here. Sending you virtual hugs x
Please Helen, this is not your fault...... get on to GP, the SW boss, the local mental health team, keep shouting...... you are a wonderful Mother, wife & Daughter, dementia is a beast that just keeps taking.
I'm sending you so much love & strength,. Xx
I'm sending you so much love & strength,. Xx
Helen is like to say a few choice words on your behalf! Please get help for someone to help you communicate with these services while your feeling low and a crisis point. I’ve dealt with some very inadequate social workers, of course they are over loaded currently but aren’t we all! Don’t take it personally. She should be trying to help you practically instead of pointing out things you already know in regards to your children. Personally I think you should incredible as no way could I have dealt with my Mum and children plus job. It’s not sustainable. And the social worker should be able to see that as it’s not that complicated. If she stood in your shoes for a week I don’t doubt she would see why you are feeling so desperate. It’s actually irresponsible of her. Keep your chin up.
I have to agree @Helen10 that this social worker sounds as though she’s not doing her job. I’ve had to deal with PWD and children of various ages and I know how difficult it can be. It seems that some social workers just can’t, or won’t, understand how stressful it can be to deal with someone with dementia - not just for the carers but for everyone else in the vicinity. This is not fair to you, your dad or your children. It is not ok and someone is not doing their job.
I agree with the suggestion that you get signed off from work and call the dementia connect support line if you haven’t already and speak to someone about your situation.
I know what it’s like to be desperate for help and keep coming up against obstacles at every turn. I’m afraid you’ll have to be very persistent and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not a good mother while you are reaching out to find a solution to the horrible situation you’re in.
If your mum gets very agitated and aggressive it might be worth calling 999 or 111 to see if they will help. I think that the fact you have small children living in the same house would add weight to your situation as you obviously need to consider their mental and physical well-being.
I agree with the suggestion that you get signed off from work and call the dementia connect support line if you haven’t already and speak to someone about your situation.
I know what it’s like to be desperate for help and keep coming up against obstacles at every turn. I’m afraid you’ll have to be very persistent and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not a good mother while you are reaching out to find a solution to the horrible situation you’re in.
If your mum gets very agitated and aggressive it might be worth calling 999 or 111 to see if they will help. I think that the fact you have small children living in the same house would add weight to your situation as you obviously need to consider their mental and physical well-being.
This is super helpful regarding the LA and how social services can help. I have been a carer for a year now and my father is slowly deteriorating; by asking for help I feel I have failed slightly and having to introduce a ’carer’ could make him angry and more aware he is declining. So tough isn’t it
hello @CAREME
just to offer a warm welcome to DTP
it's tough having to make choices that may not be exactly what your father 'wants'; go with what you believe he actually needs and maybe fib a bit eg the carer is a cleaner to just help a bit around the house as YOU are finding it tough and you're 'sure you won't mind someone helping me, will you dad' and thank him! ... anything to get him to grudgingly accept
just to offer a warm welcome to DTP
it's tough having to make choices that may not be exactly what your father 'wants'; go with what you believe he actually needs and maybe fib a bit eg the carer is a cleaner to just help a bit around the house as YOU are finding it tough and you're 'sure you won't mind someone helping me, will you dad' and thank him! ... anything to get him to grudgingly accept
Thanks for the welcome and support - great to have this forum as a way of escape.
I was wondering if these people may be able to help. It's a free service. I wish I'd known about them when I was looking for a care home. I felt I was driving myself mad at the time, as more and more care-homes said they wouldn't accept mum as a resident. They seem to work with social workers and individuals, so may be worth contacting. They may be able to advise you on how to progress things, if nothing else.
Has anyone else on here tried the service?
www.carehomeselection.co.uk
Has anyone else on here tried the service?
Help to Find A Registered Care home Availability or A Home Carer
Dr Richard Newland founded our service in 1995, recognising that there was little support available for families who needed to choose a care home or find a registered home carer.
@Helen10 I hope you managed to get the support you need today and that things seem a little more hopeful. Do, as my dear mother in law always said, look after you. More or less impossible I know, but try to get time off work at the very least.
That sounds a useful service @lemonbalm, I hadn't come across that before. I found this site www.carehome.co.uk useful when looking for homes in my area, but of course it doesn't tell you if there is availability or if they would take your loved one
That sounds a useful service @lemonbalm, I hadn't come across that before. I found this site www.carehome.co.uk useful when looking for homes in my area, but of course it doesn't tell you if there is availability or if they would take your loved one
Thank you everyone-several calls with mum’s doctor, a call from mum’s nurse and surprisingly no call from mum’s social worker. Another care home assessment tomorrow. The doctor said the only other option is to section mum and dad really wants to avoid that happening again.
I’ll look into the suggestions people have made but only just finished working so need to rest for a while.
Turns out you do have to have a breakdown before anyone listens. Perhaps my problem is I seem to be holding it together when I talk to them on the phone. Perhaps I should let them hear me crying.
Hx
I’ll look into the suggestions people have made but only just finished working so need to rest for a while.
Turns out you do have to have a breakdown before anyone listens. Perhaps my problem is I seem to be holding it together when I talk to them on the phone. Perhaps I should let them hear me crying.
Hx
Yes, perhaps you should.
Yes, Im sure that your dad wants to avoid further sectioning, but if thats the only way, then needs must.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I understand you wanting to avoid sectioning and I know your mum has been sectioned before. When my dad was sectioned he remained blissfully unaware of the fact and it got him a place in a carehome that turned out to be perfect for him. Why don’t you speak to the doctor and see if you can put a plan in place that would allow your dad to comes to terms with what I think would actually be a good move.
My dad didn’t go to a MH hospital but straight into an EMI carehome. Is this a possibility for your mum?
Have some ((((hugs)))) from me too.
My dad didn’t go to a MH hospital but straight into an EMI carehome. Is this a possibility for your mum?
Have some ((((hugs)))) from me too.
Hope the care home assessment goes well and they think they can take your mum. I can understand your dad not wanting your mum sectioned again, but I think it might be the best thing for her as it should lead to her getting the help she needs.
@Helen10 - I just want to concur with what is being said above about sectioning. My Mum was sectioned a few times, and it is always a difficult process, but I think it was the only way to get her the help she needed - and those around her needed.
I have been following your thread and I really empathise with you. I work almost full time and through that also oversaw my mother's transfer to a care home as my father had reached breaking point. It is incredibly difficult, but I have to say that Mummy had some good years in the care home, where she settled very well.
I wish you well for the assessment and the future. Many here share your frustrations with the way carers are treated by social services.
I have been following your thread and I really empathise with you. I work almost full time and through that also oversaw my mother's transfer to a care home as my father had reached breaking point. It is incredibly difficult, but I have to say that Mummy had some good years in the care home, where she settled very well.
I wish you well for the assessment and the future. Many here share your frustrations with the way carers are treated by social services.
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