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Who to contact first when you feel you have reached crisis point?

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,791
0
Southampton
Thanks @Starting on a journey and @Bikerbeth

I have received so much support this weekend from the forum it has been overwhelming and has quite honestly kept me going.

I am far from amazing. I still can’t reconcile in my head that I can’t do better than I’m doing. Mum has been my rock for the last 43 years and to watch her crumble like this and not be able to offer the same support she has offered me is heartbreaking and makes me feel that I’m an absolute failure.

I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your care, concern and love for an absolute stranger. It will never be forgotten xx
you are doing the very best you can soon be monday
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,792
0
Dorset
No doubt there were times in your life that your Mum felt she wasn’t able to do what she wanted for you or to help you through something but she did her best and that is what you are doing now for her. Dealing with dementia is not like dealing with something that can be corrected , mended, made better or healed like a grazed knee, it is a bloody awful disease with which the whole family is affected either directly or indirectly. You are supporting your Mum in the only way you can and you cannot do more than that, nobody can.
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Thank you @jennifer1967 and @Banjomansmate . I am struggling this weekend to find the right words to explain how I feel. Dementia is cruel and heartless. Dementia robs you of the person you once adored. It makes you feel helpless.

Thank you all for your care and concern x
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Latest update-no word from social worker today but spoke to care home and it sounds doubtful that they can meet mum’s needs. So looks like it’s back to the drawing board. 😩. Does anyone have experience of this? X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,487
0
South East
I’m sorry to hear that but it’s probably best you found out now , good you spoke to them . back on SW ‘s case tom , they have the duty of care as you know so will need to find somewhere that can meet mums needs , maybe your gp could get in touch with SS .
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,400
0
Nottinghamshire
I remember the frustration of trying to get SS to arrange help for my dad. At the time his GP had arranged for a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) to assess him - she was very good and chased up SS for me. Do you think your Mum's GP could arrange something like this for your mum?

In the meantime keep pushing SS for help. Tell them that you're struggling to find a carehome that can cope with your mum's needs as they are so great and keep reminding them that you can't go on. Sadly it takes time to get SS moving and they need reminding that the situation is urgent.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,932
0
I'm so sorry things weren't resolved today. As others have said keep pushing. In the meantime try to take care of yourself, hard I know.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,932
0
I hope you get some answers today @Helen10. Can you get some leave from work so you can spend all your time hassling social services etc? If things get too much phone 111 for help either for you or your mother.
 
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Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,487
0
South East
Sadly I think you will have to keep hassling them , maybe your’s and Mum’s gp could get in touch with SS too as previously mentioned here . Take care of yourself , do you have emergency crisis number from MH team ? I would try calling everyone you can think of , it all may help them link together and get a move on . Hang on in there , you are doing brilliantly . 🤗
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,791
0
Southampton
would it be worth you asking for a mental health assessment for you so that carers breakdown can be documented officially as another string to your bow. ask the gp
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Thanks @Woo2 @Sarasa @jennifer1967

Am waiting a call back (again) from the social worker 😡.

I spoke to the care home again this morning and they said oh the social worker has fed back that the family is not at crisis point!!!!!!! I said I spoke to the social worker on Friday and used the words carer breakdown and crisis point!!! So frustrated 😡😡
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,791
0
Southampton
Thanks @Woo2 @Sarasa @jennifer1967

Am waiting a call back (again) from the social worker 😡.

I spoke to the care home again this morning and they said oh the social worker has fed back that the family is not at crisis point!!!!!!! I said I spoke to the social worker on Friday and used the words carer breakdown and crisis point!!! So frustrated 😡😡
try safeguarding and vulnerable adult. they only hear what suits them and disregard the rest
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Just spoke to social worker. Her words were-but all of this may have happened anyway and is not necessarily as a result of caring for your mum. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I’m just not strong enough. Devastated. Thank you all for listening xx
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
107
0
Helen I feel for you and I hope you get some help that makes things easier. Its so difficult waiting for the wheels to turn. Remember your doing your best in what is an impossible and very sad and tough situation.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,932
0
I'd get back to the social work department and demand to speak to someone more senior. The reply you have had is not acceptable. Maybe call the Dementia Support Line 0333 150 3456 and talk through what to do next with them.