Who to contact first when you feel you have reached crisis point?

[Helen10]

Another day, another care home rejection for mum....?

Mum has been a lot calmer over the last week. It’s almost like she knows.....

Kids told me they’ve both been crying at school and have spoken to the school counsellor.

Don’t think I’ll be winning that mum or daughter of the year award any time soon.

I’m still standing though ??

 

[Melles Belles]

Inform social worker that your kids are struggling at school and have needed support from the school counsellor. SW has a duty of care to under 18s - they should not have to live in a stressful situation while SW drags their heels.

 

[Woo2]

Surely this all adds to the argument that if a care home can’t cope then how can you be expected to ! I def think you need some help from an advocate . Agree with @Melles Belles that SW needs to be told about your children , maybe the school could confirm with a letter .

 

[Frank24]

Hi Helen, what are they rejecting your mum on the basis of? Is it because you are approaching care homes rather than EMI nursing homes? Or is it down to availability? I know how stressful it is trying to sort it all out. I did insist on the social worker attending my Mum's house (pre covid though) where I sat and cried at her. I wonder whether you can ask to speak to her line manager? In light of the fact your children are upset in school I feel this is grounds to escalate this situation over the head of the SW who you are dealing with.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Helen10
you say:
Don’t think I’ll be winning that mum or daughter of the year award any time soon.

yet you have brought up children so well that they have had the sense and courage to speak out at school and ask for and accept help, and who clearly trust and feel able to come to you as they have told you this ... many children would have crumbled silently, neither knowing they have a right to seek support nor daring to confide in a parent (and that's not a reflection on those parents either, as situations are challenging)

sometimes we have to look at something from a different perspective to see another view which is at least equally valid ... no need to berate yourself ... cut yourself some slack

 

[Helen10]

Hi Helen, what are they rejecting your mum on the basis of? Is it because you are approaching care homes rather than EMI nursing homes? Or is it down to availability? I know how stressful it is trying to sort it all out. I did insist on the social worker attending my Mum's house (pre covid though) where I sat and cried at her. I wonder whether you can ask to speak to her line manager? In light of the fact your children are upset in school I feel this is grounds to escalate this situation over the head of the SW who you are dealing with.

Thanks @Frank24

These are all EMI nursing homes. So far it’s a 0/3 pass rate. I’ll be calling Mind tomorrow. Had hoped the SW would have had the decency to call to apologise but guess I was asking to much there as well. ?

 

[Helen10]

hi @Helen10
you say:
Don’t think I’ll be winning that mum or daughter of the year award any time soon.

yet you have brought up children so well that they have had the sense and courage to speak out at school and ask for and accept help, and who clearly trust and feel able to come to you as they have told you this ... many children would have crumbled silently, neither knowing they have a right to seek support nor daring to confide in a parent (and that's not a reflection on those parents either, as situations are challenging)

sometimes we have to look at something from a different perspective to see another view which is at least equally valid ... no need to berate yourself ... cut yourself some slack

Thank you ? I guess it’s hard to see when you’re buried in a situation

 

[Helen10]

Inform social worker that your kids are struggling at school and have needed support from the school counsellor. SW has a duty of care to under 18s - they should not have to live in a stressful situation while SW drags their heels.

Unfortunately I have burned my bridges with the SW by telling her not to call me unless it is to apologise first ☹️. Think as you say, I’ll have to ask her boss to call me.

 

[jennifer1967]

Unfortunately I have burned my bridges with the SW by telling her not to call me unless it is to apologise first ☹️. Think as you say, I’ll have to ask her boss to call me.

write to the next one up from SW or email. sorry, i forget email. then you have a paper trail and proof you have done it. can you ask for a different SW? not all have the required expertise to deal with everything.

 

[Roseleigh]

Unfortunately I have burned my bridges with the SW by telling her not to call me unless it is to apologise first ☹️. Think as you say, I’ll have to ask her boss to call me.

Helen try your GP. Tell her you are at breaking point and you cannot keep your mum safe anymore. Its only by being fully upfront about your desperation that they will be obliged to take responsibilty for her.
They have to keep your mum safe and if no care home will take her admit her to a psycho- geriatric unit where she can have her medication adjusted to enable her behaviour to be more manageable.

 

[NotSuperMan]

Does anyone have advice on who to contact first when you feel you have reached crisis point? And what to do next? I can’t cope any more and I’m unsure what to do next/first. In fact, I can’t think straight at all. Sorry for blurting that out on here. I

 

[NotSuperMan]

Oh Helen i am so sorry to read your posts
I totally feel your pain I have been thinking of approaching our own GP to ask for advise I certainly do NOT want to reach burn out point
You are NOT doing anything wrong
You are doing your best for everyone
Sometimes though you have to put yourself first ! Please remember that
Hope today is a brighter day for you and your family sending a gentle ((hug))

 

[lollyc]

Thank you everyone-several calls with mum’s doctor, a call from mum’s nurse and surprisingly no call from mum’s social worker. Another care home assessment tomorrow. The doctor said the only other option is to section mum and dad really wants to avoid that happening again.

I’ll look into the suggestions people have made but only just finished working so need to rest for a while.

Turns out you do have to have a breakdown before anyone listens. Perhaps my problem is I seem to be holding it together when I talk to them on the phone. Perhaps I should let them hear me crying.
Hx

My Mum was sectioned for 14weeks. No, it wasn't the best time in our lives, but it got her treatment that she needed, and made her manageable to have back home. My Dad was very upset by it all. He was terminally ill and couldn't cope with her (she had delirium at this point), but she was repeatedly discharged from hospital with "nothing wrong" - until she attacked a member of staff.
At least if she is sectioned, you will get professionals involved who can confirm everything that you are trying to get throught to SS.
It's horrible, and I really feel for you.

 

[Melles Belles]

@Helen10 how are you this morning? I hope you have had some support since your last post. Thinking of you and your family.

 

[Helen10]

Hiya @Melles Belles -unfortunately no progress. I’m still clinging on by my fingernails x

 

[jennifer1967]

Hiya @Melles Belles -unfortunately no progress. I’m still clinging on by my fingernails x

hope they are strong and very, very long.

 

[Sarasa]

I'm sorry things are no further forward @Helen10. I've never had experience of it myself, but I know some people have employed an independent social worker to help fight their corner. Maybe an idea worth exploring.

 

[Melles Belles]

So sorry that you have not had a positive response yet.
Have you been able to contact your SW’s manager yet? Are the community mental health team involved? Any help from your GP?
An independent SW might be able to help as @Sarasa suggest. I have read of success outcomes when and independent SW has been involved. They know the system and what to say and who to approach.
The situation your family is in is just not acceptable.

 

[Helen10]

Thanks all

@Sarasa -hadn’t heard as that as an option. Will do some investigating.?

@Melles Belles -havent managed to contact SW boss yet. It would seem they are all allowed to take annual leave at the same time so no one is back until Tuesday and haven’t had an update on progress since last Tuesday-other than my conversation with one care home who rejected mum. ??

@jennifer1967 - unfortunately my nails (like everything else) are shot to pieces thanks to the never ending cleaning/washing/cooking. I’ve done 4 loads of washing today alone ?

 

[doodle1]

Hi Helen
i am so sorry to hear of your problems. May I suggest you email your MP with all the details of the problems you are having with social workers and care homes? An old friend a Medical Director of a very large hospital told me that actually complaints to MPs do make people sit up and do something.
also I would email your GP with the details of what is going on. Email trails are very useful and people cannot pretend they don’t exist . I don’t know if you have POA but even if you don’t it is important to know that whilst the GP won’t discuss your mum with you ,you can inform him of the situation both verbally and in writing and he is obliged to pay attention.
hope this helps