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I know but need to occupy myself. Tonight whilst I was sorting stuff out in the kitchen, I had to ask my 7 yr old to take nanny and show her where the toilet is. She then had to go back after she had been to help her wash her hands and flush the chain for her. How bad a mother and daughter am I?
I don't think this makes you a bad mother at all. I think your daughter will grow up with more compassion and understanding than a child who has been shielded from the more difficult aspects of life. My own 7 year old never ceases to amaze me with how she is with older people and I think this comes from us living with my parents as she grew up. She saw them , warts and all ,and so isn't fazed by it now. When she hears my mother getting upset (as is the norm now) on a call, she will offer to talk to her instead of me. I hope that you are coping ok today. xI know but need to occupy myself. Tonight whilst I was sorting stuff out in the kitchen, I had to ask my 7 yr old to take nanny and show her where the toilet is. She then had to go back after she had been to help her wash her hands and flush the chain for her. How bad a mother and daughter am I?
sounds as though you are doing all you can
I would say that simply giving her space and quiet is fine ... it's not easy to see someone sitting like that, but if your mum is at least still and fairly quiet, then that's better than being agitated
maybe some soothing music and lavender scent in the air may help
I found with my dad that he was best left alone when he was extremely anxious ... I didn't speak to him and didn't move around him ... if I took him a cuppa or some food, I simply put it beside him, silently, backed away and let him be ... he simply couldn't cope with any interaction, it overloaded his system
Something that always soothed mum was a manicure - just a gentle filing of the nails and massaging some cream into her hands. It used to really calm her and often sent her off to sleep. I always had an emery board and some hand cream in my bag when I was visiting.
I hope you get a better night tonight @Helen10 . Jx
If your mum has slipped in time to when either she wasn't married or when they were both young and had no adult children, she won't see the much older man in front of her as the young husband she's looking for... for any woman it would be frightening to have a 'strange' man in her space behaving in far too familiar ways (which he can't help as he knows they are a couple)... Having a younger woman there is less threatening and we do tend to turn for support to others who feel less challenging
Hard as it is to ask this of him, might your dad keep out of her way and behave more as a family friend, even call her Mrs xxx, so you can say he's just staying for a while to help you babysit the children (or something similar)