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Who to contact first when you feel you have reached crisis point?

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Sleep has proved elusive once again.....despite the daily chaos in my house, this feels a very lonely existence Hx
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,206
0
Southampton
i liked little house on the prairie. i used to play sleeping lions at the end of a birthday party so the hyped up kids were calmed down a little before they were collected or take the balloons down from the wall and allow them to pop them all. that was what they wanted so i let them do it.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,721
0
Dorset
Molly Molly Mandy is social history to me. I remember reading one when I was young, thinking it was so old fashioned and not really appreciating how it showed what life was like in a rural community before I was born. It wasn’t until iI read them to my daughter that I had a re-think on them. I sometimes think all youngsters today should be made to read at least one of the books so that they can see how different their lives are and how life in general has improved for them, (Coronavirus aside).
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,390
0
I know but need to occupy myself. Tonight whilst I was sorting stuff out in the kitchen, I had to ask my 7 yr old to take nanny and show her where the toilet is. She then had to go back after she had been to help her wash her hands and flush the chain for her. How bad a mother and daughter am I?

I think that makes you a great mother and daughter. I doubt that will do your daughter any harm at all, quite the opposite. My husband was brought up in the care home for elderly ladies which his mother ran. He often had to get a bit involved with the residents. I think it can be good for young people to be involved in elderly people's care.
 

Everest1969

Registered User
Jan 9, 2021
42
0
I know but need to occupy myself. Tonight whilst I was sorting stuff out in the kitchen, I had to ask my 7 yr old to take nanny and show her where the toilet is. She then had to go back after she had been to help her wash her hands and flush the chain for her. How bad a mother and daughter am I?
I don't think this makes you a bad mother at all. I think your daughter will grow up with more compassion and understanding than a child who has been shielded from the more difficult aspects of life. My own 7 year old never ceases to amaze me with how she is with older people and I think this comes from us living with my parents as she grew up. She saw them , warts and all ,and so isn't fazed by it now. When she hears my mother getting upset (as is the norm now) on a call, she will offer to talk to her instead of me. I hope that you are coping ok today. x
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Mum has been very anxious and tearful all day. She has spent a lot of the day sitting with her head in her hands. At least she isn’t aggressive...yet.

I managed 3 hrs sleep but mum was up earlier than usual and wouldn’t settle. I have taken her out in the car and dad took her out for a walk but nothing has worked so far. I have also tried putting a church service on tv, getting her to ‘help’ with some tasks. I have just resorted to a PRN (think that’s what they call it) sedative for her but normally they have little impact and might give her 20 mins relief before she is back to how she was before medication.

Any other suggestions welcome.

Clinging on by my fingernails
Hxx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,088
0
Yorkshire
hi @Helen10
sounds as though you are doing all you can
I would say that simply giving her space and quiet is fine ... it's not easy to see someone sitting like that, but if your mum is at least still and fairly quiet, then that's better than being agitated
maybe some soothing music and lavender scent in the air may help

I found with my dad that he was best left alone when he was extremely anxious ... I didn't speak to him and didn't move around him ... if I took him a cuppa or some food, I simply put it beside him, silently, backed away and let him be ... he simply couldn't cope with any interaction, it overloaded his system
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
hi @Helen10
sounds as though you are doing all you can
I would say that simply giving her space and quiet is fine ... it's not easy to see someone sitting like that, but if your mum is at least still and fairly quiet, then that's better than being agitated
maybe some soothing music and lavender scent in the air may help

I found with my dad that he was best left alone when he was extremely anxious ... I didn't speak to him and didn't move around him ... if I took him a cuppa or some food, I simply put it beside him, silently, backed away and let him be ... he simply couldn't cope with any interaction, it overloaded his system

Thanks @Shedrech-unfortunately she doesn’t allow you to leave her alone and constantly keeps pacing and telling me that she doesn’t know who this man is (her husband) and she has to get home and any other number of things
Hx
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
She also has no idea who I am but that seems not to matter when she gets like this about dad.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,088
0
Yorkshire
Hi @Helen10
If your mum has slipped in time to when either she wasn't married or when they were both young and had no adult children, she won't see the much older man in front of her as the young husband she's looking for... for any woman it would be frightening to have a 'strange' man in her space behaving in far too familiar ways (which he can't help as he knows they are a couple)... Having a younger woman there is less threatening and we do tend to turn for support to others who feel less challenging

Hard as it is to ask this of him, might your dad keep out of her way and behave more as a family friend, even call her Mrs xxx, so you can say he's just staying for a while to help you babysit the children (or something similar)
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,390
0
Something that always soothed mum was a manicure - just a gentle filing of the nails and massaging some cream into her hands. It used to really calm her and often sent her off to sleep. I always had an emery board and some hand cream in my bag when I was visiting.

I hope you get a better night tonight @Helen10 . Jx
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Something that always soothed mum was a manicure - just a gentle filing of the nails and massaging some cream into her hands. It used to really calm her and often sent her off to sleep. I always had an emery board and some hand cream in my bag when I was visiting.

I hope you get a better night tonight @Helen10 . Jx

Thanks @lemonbalm. I did her nails yesterday and you would have thought I was pulling them out with tweezers!! Screams of pain and when I said why she said it feels like it should hurt 😩
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Hi @Helen10
If your mum has slipped in time to when either she wasn't married or when they were both young and had no adult children, she won't see the much older man in front of her as the young husband she's looking for... for any woman it would be frightening to have a 'strange' man in her space behaving in far too familiar ways (which he can't help as he knows they are a couple)... Having a younger woman there is less threatening and we do tend to turn for support to others who feel less challenging

Hard as it is to ask this of him, might your dad keep out of her way and behave more as a family friend, even call her Mrs xxx, so you can say he's just staying for a while to help you babysit the children (or something similar)

Thanks @Shedrech-dad finds it really hard. He is a very matter of fact guy. He finds it incredibly hard to play the role of anything else. I think that’s part of the reason we are where we are.
Hxx
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
I’m not going to lie, I am really struggling to keep it together. I’m exhausted. Running on empty. Reality is that whilst social services will be involved etc tomorrow, whatever happens won’t happen quickly.
 

Helen10

Registered User
Jan 22, 2021
98
0
Thanks @Starting on a journey and @Bikerbeth

I have received so much support this weekend from the forum it has been overwhelming and has quite honestly kept me going.

I am far from amazing. I still can’t reconcile in my head that I can’t do better than I’m doing. Mum has been my rock for the last 43 years and to watch her crumble like this and not be able to offer the same support she has offered me is heartbreaking and makes me feel that I’m an absolute failure.

I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your care, concern and love for an absolute stranger. It will never be forgotten xx
 

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