On a list. Callback requested Easter weekend. About another two weeks to wait
Terrified Wife
- Thread starter Alisongs
- Start date
THERE ARE NO ADVICE LINES OPEN AT THE WEEKENDS! Nor Christmas, New Year, Easter. I am sick and bloody tired of this ****ing tunnel!
Hello Alisongs, I am so sorry to read about the traumatic time you are having. Could you make an appointment with Citizen's Advice to find out how your financial situation will be? The Social Work department usually are quite fair on the spouse remaining in the marital home. It's worth finding out what you will be 'allowed' of your husband's private pension if he has one. There could be allowances for such things as Council Tax, utility bills etc. Try and deal with one thing at a time as you're definitely overwhelmed and do need some outside help. The hoarding situation can be sorted out once your husband is settled into a care home and you can take your time going through the stuff a bit at a time when you feel up to it. I've been through most of what you've described and I've come out the other end feeling much better and less stressed out. Lots of people on this forum totally understand what you're going through, so please, please don't do anything hasty, just stay on here and help and advice will be here for you. Keep talking and someone will help you.
They're not open either!Hello @Alisongs I am so sorry to read about what you are going through. I would suggest that you contact the Alzheimer's Society's helpline, they are open tomorrow from 10am to 4pm. They really are supportive and understanding. I have attached their details below.
Dementia Support Line
If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.www.alzheimers.org.uk
Citizens Advice is very limited. I need actual help not advice. I cannot get rid of anything belonging to my husband, I have no legal right and no legal authority to do so. It is the Parkinsons dementia that made him too paranoid to trust anyone to write or act on Powers of Attorney or a Will but knowing that doesn't help. It could be five or more years before the legals are sorted out and I will be hugely in debt because his money will go on his care and I've only got 13k a year and bills are 1k a month. That leaves me 1k a year for everything and nothing...... I don't know the stranger in my husband's body yet I still visit hospital most days to keep him clean, give him newspapers and diabetic sweets, tidy his bed and find all his belongings that get moved by him, the nurses and the other patients. His shoes and mobile phone are who knows where. And he's had four or five different beds on the ward and as soon as he can find his way to his bed, he's moved. Ward is full. No lounge, no privacy, beds in corridors. Nurses too busy to keep me informed. And it's at least 90 minutes each way to the hospital. One visit takes 5 hours out of a dat
And talk to them yet again. They just listen they do not judge or make decisions. This does not help me. I am coming off this forum now. I'm just getting madder and madder
Don't go offline. Take a day off visiting him in the hospital. Try for alternate days to give you some recovery time to yourself. Pester the Social Work, let them know that YOU are also a vulnerable person. Don't make yourself so available. What area do you live in? My OH is in a great nursing home here in Scotland.
Can't find out what my situation will be until a nursing home takes him and then find out the costs. Husband has no private pension. Next year might bring single person discount on Council Tax bill person. I cannot legally get rid of his belongings. I can't afford to stay in this house, but I cannot legally sell it. Could take years to get Court of Protection guardianship and Court Order for house sale. That will cost a bomb. I've really had enough. I cannot afford to live like this financially or emotionally, just being given the same old tired advice but noone actually doing anything to help me. And all I'm doing is flogging myself to death and debt for the stranger that lives in my husband's body. I am hoping that I am not legally obliged to do anything. I have to at least walk away for my own sanity
Sorry to hear your what you are going through and every one of us is with you. We understand your fears and anxiety.
Your husband has technically gone into care. Whilst he is in hospital he is their responsibility. They will not just send try to send him home without prior warning.
If you know that you cannot cope because of your own fears or health problems, please stand your ground and refuse to do the caring. Let the hospital deal with finding him a care home. they will have no trouble placing him if he is self funding.
Please take care of yourself. Try not to think of it all at once. Take one day at a time and there is always light at the end of the trunnel.
Your husband has technically gone into care. Whilst he is in hospital he is their responsibility. They will not just send try to send him home without prior warning.
If you know that you cannot cope because of your own fears or health problems, please stand your ground and refuse to do the caring. Let the hospital deal with finding him a care home. they will have no trouble placing him if he is self funding.
Please take care of yourself. Try not to think of it all at once. Take one day at a time and there is always light at the end of the trunnel.
Bully for you I don't go every day as someone has to get urgent repairs done to the house. Social Worker at hospital invisible, no contact number or email, County Social services only get involved when he goes into a home. It's all the Unknown Unknowns that are drowning me. I really hope I can just walk away.
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