Coping mechanisms

[Bevhar]

Can anyone give me any coping mechanisms At the moment I feel my life is over which is very selfish I love my husband dearly but he has lost him empathy He’s always been a kind & considerate person a wonderful husband & brilliant father & grandfather Think I’m at a low ebb as I have broken my hand & cracked my ribs & have been housebound I also have bad arthritis in my knee & hip I have already had one knee op which was successful Anyway today I had a lot to sort out council tax which took an age then the bank I had to give my
husband the phone to speak to the person at the bank it started ok then I had to explain as it was on speaker not to put it to his ear he got really nasty and It really upset me the lady on the end of phone was so kind as by now I’m in floods of tears I sound so selfish I know but most people asked how my other half is and not me I know coming on here people understand I just need to know there are happy times still to be had Sorry to waffle still tearful

 

[Alisongs]

Can anyone give me any coping mechanisms At the moment I feel my life is over which is very selfish I love my husband dearly but he has lost him empathy He’s always been a kind & considerate person a wonderful husband & brilliant father & grandfather Think I’m at a low ebb as I have broken my hand & cracked my ribs & have been housebound I also have bad arthritis in my knee & hip I have already had one knee op which was successful Anyway today I had a lot to sort out council tax which took an age then the bank I had to give my
husband the phone to speak to the person at the bank it started ok then I had to explain as it was on speaker not to put it to his ear he got really nasty and It really upset me the lady on the end of phone was so kind as by now I’m in floods of tears I sound so selfish I know but most people asked how my other half is and not me I know coming on here people understand I just need to know there are happy times still to be had Sorry to waffle still tearful

That's what this Forum is for. Your breathing space. Your let it go space. Your ranting space. Your space to say and think and share what you feel. You are not selfish. Dementia is selfish. It takes away your loved one and takes away your freedom. We're here to support each other. I kept a daily diary from Lockdown onwards to vent, to record, to evaluate. Now I come on here instead. I was and still am angry and resentful at fast declining dementia destroying mine and my husband's futures, but I find I have information and advice and support to give to others. This space validates and values me. AND YOU . Best wishes

 

[sapphire turner]

Ah Bevhar sounds like you are having a horrible day! We work so hard to keep all the plates spinning but it doesn’t take much to bring them all crashing down. It’s bad enough when people are understanding but it’s hard to keep going when we are crushed by bureaucracy and lack of understanding.
It sounds like you really need to get some help. Are you getting attendance allowance? That can help to get some help in the house. If you don’t look after yourself you will go under and that’s no good to anyone. Do talk to your family and friends about how it is, I have found mine very supportive. Sending love ❤️

 

[Kevinl]

In reply to something you asked on another thread on here about being "overwhelmed" as I said there I was there for them (wife first them mum too) because I know they would be there for me too.
At the time it was an absolute nightmare and this site and the people on it helped me more than I can say, so thank you to them all.
Earlier this year I broke my upper arm and a few ribs taking down outside Christmas house decoration (don't ask why) just helping out, all better now.
Caring is hard but when there is only yourself to care for that can be hard too.
As I know I've said before and to quote the song "I'd trade all my tomorrow's for one single yesterday..." And so on.
Just pull your big girls pants up round your waist and sing I will survive (Gloria Gaynor) version, always here to listen from I'm sure from us all. K

 

[Bevhar]

In reply to something you asked on another thread on here about being "overwhelmed" as I said there I was there for them (wife first them mum too) because I know they would be there for me too.
At the time it was an absolute nightmare and this site and the people on it helped me more than I can say, so thank you to them all.
Earlier this year I broke my upper arm and a few ribs taking down outside Christmas house decoration (don't ask why) just helping out, all better now.
Caring is hard but when there is only yourself to care for that can be hard too.
As I know I've said before and to quote the song "I'd trade all my tomorrow's for one single yesterday..." And so on.
Just pull your big girls pants up round your waist and sing I will survive (Gloria Gaynor) version, always here to listen from I'm sure from us all. K

Yes I do need to pull my big girls pants up it’s so lovely that you would be happy to be back caring l know that I’d rather my husband was here and muddled & not at all x

 

[Bevhar]

Ah Bevhar sounds like you are having a horrible day! We work so hard to keep all the plates spinning but it doesn’t take much to bring them all crashing down. It’s bad enough when people are understanding but it’s hard to keep going when we are crushed by bureaucracy and lack of understanding.
It sounds like you really need to get some help. Are you getting attendance allowance? That can help to get some help in the house. If you don’t look after yourself you will go under and that’s no good to anyone. Do talk to your family and friends about how it is, I have found mine very supportive. Sending love ❤️

Thank you so much I’m feeling calmer
now xx

 

[Kevinl]

Never alone on here. K

 

[Bren43]

Can anyone give me any coping mechanisms At the moment I feel my life is over which is very selfish I love my husband dearly but he has lost him empathy He’s always been a kind & considerate person a wonderful husband & brilliant father & grandfather Think I’m at a low ebb as I have broken my hand & cracked my ribs & have been housebound I also have bad arthritis in my knee & hip I have already had one knee op which was successful Anyway today I had a lot to sort out council tax which took an age then the bank I had to give my
husband the phone to speak to the person at the bank it started ok then I had to explain as it was on speaker not to put it to his ear he got really nasty and It really upset me the lady on the end of phone was so kind as by now I’m in floods of tears I sound so selfish I know but most people asked how my other half is and not me I know coming on here people understand I just need to know there are happy times still to be had Sorry to waffle still tearful

Hello Bevhar, my OH also had a calm ,steady character until this illness, the aggression is one of the worst things to deal with , I have started to leave the room and find something to do out of his sight. Regarding your phone episode,do you have LPA, then you can speak to the bank without him being involved as phone calls are an issue aren’t they? Hopefully when your own healthy is a little better,you may feel able to cope. This forum is a life changer!

 

[Bevhar]

Hello Bevhar, my OH also had a calm ,steady character until this illness, the aggression is one of the worst things to deal with , I have started to leave the room and find something to do out of his sight. Regarding your phone episode,do you have LPA, then you can speak to the bank without him being involved as phone calls are an issue aren’t they? Hopefully when your own healthy is a little better,you may feel able to cope. This forum is a life changer!

Thank you so much xx