Feeling helpless

[Anil]

Blimey no one signed up for this in their marriage vows! I am doing my very best and I choose to do that out of past love and friendship and the loyalty related to that. I am getting all the carer help that I can before he drags me under, and already thinking about care homes. Sending love ❤️

A very practical approach to the situation. Guilt and emotions prevent one from taking an objective view and action. We are all coping with a huge burden of care 24/7 at constant risk of harming ourselves physically and psychologically. I am in a similar situation and as her dementia and mobility worsens I wonder where all this will end. Darkness ahead and plenty of sympathy but my carer role is constant. I wish I had your practical approach

 

[Anil]

Gosh , I'm not married but like @sapphire turner I care for my oh for the same reasons. I'm looking for respite for a family wedding that I had every intention of taking him to but circumstances change and sometimes we all have to accept that extra help is needed.
Please ask for a bit of help, have the surgery on your hand if it's not too late and as my go to phrase says " accept the things you can not change and have courage to change the things you can"

Oh... ,some may seem like they cope. ,my coffee club friends think I'm brilliant , I'm not sure why but believe me ,they are wrong! I I have my shouts and frustration just like they do. Just good at putting on a smile and maybe a bit quicker at bouncing back.

Hope you feel a bit brighter after seeing your friend. Xx

Spot on. We are seen as coping and people say how great we are - even calling me husband of the year!! - I just smile and minimise my problems. Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches