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Sugar in her coffee

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Yes we are fine Thanks @Woo2. Mum was very muddled on the phone today but it seemed like she had been expecting me to visit today so she was not a happy bunny to start with. Dug up some more spuds today amongst the howling wind.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
Oh dear , it is a seesaw of emotions , mum has been in and out of her room all day , sometimes In there for an hour, cleaned ironed clothes strewn over the bed :( Lose track of how much time I spend putting it all away . Enjoy the spuds , my last batch were strange , all fell apart to mush .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Oh dear , it is a seesaw of emotions , mum has been in and out of her room all day , sometimes In there for an hour, cleaned ironed clothes strewn over the bed :( Lose track of how much time I spend putting it all away . Enjoy the spuds , my last batch were strange , all fell apart to mush .
How strange with your spuds but then I am no means an expert.
Mum spends quite a bit of time in her room but ‘tidying’. Maybe they would make a good pair together:)
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
They would for sure . Mum has always been a little on the untidy side , well her room anyway , my dad used to joke that there could be stowaways hiding in there and they would never know 😂 bizarre about spuds , they were a different variety. Hope we haven’t got too many pots of those .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,698
That's good @Bikerbet. I noticed from the latest bill from mum's home, that her feet have been 'done' recently, so I guess things are slowly opening up regarding visits from health care professionals, if not so much for relatives.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Good news chiropodist coming.👍 Mums toenails are terrible, I think she really need to see a chiropodist but she always refused as doesn't like people touching her feet, I don't either so can understand it but need a chain saw to cut her big toenails now, no way can she do it anymore, or me 😨
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Went out on motorbikes this morning in the lovely sunshine and stopped for coffee and cake. On arrival home although I have not returned call to nurse at home yet I had a message to say Mum has been put on antibiotics because she had an infection where her toe nails have cut into her feet. I wish those making the ‘rules’ to protect the vulnerable would think a bit harder about the consequences of their actions. Could also kick myself as I had been trying to check via the window to see what they were like but as Mum was in a strange mood I could not get her to show me her feet. Should the carers have picked up on it earlier- I really don’t know and if they did were they just stuck because of the availability of a chiropodist. I have a friend who is a retired chiropodist and she said she would not work for care homes as she would have to continually chase for payment. Mind you if I had known they were struggling to get someone in friend did know someone that would have done my Mum.
Brother has now also been asking about Mum’s previous Will because he does not like ‘something’ in her current one. He is ‘concerned’ that she did not really understand the implication of what she was doing when she made it roughly 2 years prior to diagnosis. I don’t agree. She knew what she wanted to do. Perhaps there might have been a better way but I would have thought the solicitor would have advised accordingly.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
Oh @Bikerbeth :confused: , that is a shame , seems really sad that a solution could not have been found before now . Hope the antibiotics do their thing quickly .
🏍 ride and cake sounds lovely , glad you had a nice time , my dad used to take me up to London on his , thoroughly enjoyed it .

What is brothers point in raising this issue now ?! Did he not read it properly when she first did it ? There may have been a better way but isn’t that Mums prerogative to do what she wished , even if it isn’t maybe the wisest decision . Hope you have a good weekend .
How is your veg doing ? We have about 2 million tomatoes still ....well maybe a slight exaggeration but so many I am taking about 50 at a time to Mums club for them to use , sweetcorns failed miserably , we have potentially a ton of sprouts , more lettuce, carrots, radish and spring onion sprouting so hope we can harvest those before the weather turns .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,698
The bike ride sounds lovely, the rest not so much. I noticed on mum's last 'sundries' bill there was payment to the chiropodist. I'm glad as mum too has nails that get too long and start hurting her. Before lockdown the home asked for payment in advance from families, I guess there were some that were using the service but not forking out the cash. Doing it via her fund, that I can top up via standing order seems a better way to go. I hope they get someone in for your mum very soon.
As for your brother, I think it's probably too late to do anything about it now. Did he think you twisted your mum's arm to do something to your advantage? Families what a pain. My husband had a totally unnecessary spat with one of his sisters via text last week. Fortunately, it now seems to have blown over.
As for produce. I have had about ten tomatoes and about another five to go. I'm pleased as they haven't split or got blossom end rot and taste nice. The chilis that looked totally awful and beyond saving have suddenly perked up, and we might actually get a few chilis.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
I think brother is probably ‘miffed’ because she did not share details with him when she did it, although she did with me. Mum did not share with brother partially because his daughter is a solicitor and they both thought that she should do it., almost demanded it. Mum did not want her grand daughter to know her affairs. Due to a POA decision I needed to share Will with brother and he is not best pleased with the contents. Grand daughter and therefore brother by default think they know better than Mum’s solicitor. So in this case for once @Sarasa he is not saying I influenced Mum. As you say @Woo2 it was Mum’s decision even if not wise.
Glad the spat between your husband and his sister has settled down @Sarasa. Brother and myself did not speak for about 19 years unti Mum got her diagnosis so I feel I have to be very careful not to upset that particular apple cart.
You sound like you could put a load of veg outside your house with a honesty box @Woo2 :D. We got another lot of our spuds in, spring onions not doing very well. Only had 1 so far!,
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
When the sprouts are ready I have a list of takers , mums club, her friends and ours all want some so they should go ok , i have resorted to making chili’s and curries and freezing them to use up the excess tomatoes , Mil has made pasta sauce too . Really there are ridiculous amounts of them , so I may put some our the front in a table , don’t want money just to get rid of them .
Tough re brother , he sounds like he could be a pain in the proverbial , have you managed to sort out what’s happening with mums home yet ?
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
What a shame about your mums toes, I hope her infection clears up before chiropodist visit in September so they can cut them and stop infection being caused again and any discomfort. I imagine it's really hard to get to see her feet through a window visit, hard enough at the best of times if the mood is wrong.
Glad you had a nice bike ride in the sunshine and cake. Shame about your brother and your mums will, if things are bit tricky there it leaves you unable to say too much if you have to work together to look after mum now. Hope he accepts it and settles down soon and doesn't keep moaning about it to you x
You all sound very industrious with your veg growing, proper little good lifers :) 👏👏👏 Well done to you all I can't grow anything only weeds lol
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
I’m fine thank you @Woo2 it has just been a busy week.
I visited Mum on Monday who seemed pleased to see me. It is interesting now that she only seems to manage about an hour and then she will say ‘you better Leave soon because you going to work/ your lunch will be ready etc’ I will say I can stay a little longer but when she says it again I leave. It will all change though as the CH are moving all the dementia residents back to their original rooms on the 2nd floor. We have been told that we will still be able to do window visits with our loved one in the cafe area. Not sure how well that will work as it will depend on how many people are around. If Mum thinks they are listening in she can get quite paranoid. We will see what happens. I also have to get on to head office as no thought has been given to the weather getting worse. I know compared to others I am lucky as I do get to see and talk to Mum but I do think for the money they charge they could afford to buy a gazebo or similar to shelter relatives in. Brother and I both agree, although Mum will chatter away on the phone to us she is more confused so for example she told me in detail how the white mini bus taking them all home had broken down (of course they are not allowed out) If you mention what ‘friends/relatives’ are up to she basically has no interest now although she does still ask me about my OH.
I went to Mum’s bungalow and stayed the night there which was weird ( I think I have only stayed there once on my own previously when Mum had an operation) . Brother still once to make a final check on something but it looks like we will rent it out as this makes more financial sense in our case.
I did get out on the bike with a friend who is very nervous riding her bike. I did the obligatory coffee and cake whilst she had a peppermint tea as her stomach was doing somersaults. I sometimes wonder why she rides (and she is generally very competent) as she never appears happy riding but she keeps preserving so I will continue to support her.
How are things with you.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,698
Hi @Bikerbeth, it's good that your mum feels secure enough to send you packing, if a bit annoying as well. The CEO of mum's group of care homes, that sound similar to the one your mum's in sent a letter out this week saying that as the weather gets bad they are re-organising an area of the home for indoor visits. I guess it will be the café, as that is near the front door and would be easy to rearrange. I'm assuming it'll be one resident with a visitor at a time. I hope your mother's care home does something similar as the weather gets worse.
Good your friend is persevering with the bike. I used to be a keen cyclist until I went head over heels over the handlebars on black ice down a hill. I never really got my confidence back and now my hearing has declined I only ever go out when it's very quiet and my husband can act as my guide dog.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,654
South East
Good to hear you are ok, glad that you have sorted out mums bungalow , who will be responsible for that, Will it be you or is brother going to help too ? I quite admire your friend , I would like to be brave enough to learn to ride a motorbike , must be a little frustrating for you though . Mum sounds relatively good, hope the move back goes ok 🤞 There really needs to be a major shift in visiting , you cannot be expected to stand outside a window in the depths of winter , even the pouring rain is unacceptable but what about the cold ?! Something has to be done to facilitate visits in as safe a way as possible for all. Take care , hope you have a good weekend .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Glad you had good visit with your mum @Bikerbeth I would be at mums with her for hours each day but I noticed when my sister or relatives came she'd start flagging a bit after a while and when I was visiting her in hospital she sometimes seemed ready for me to go by the end of the hour. Its like she knew it was a 'visit' so more exciting and tried to concentrate and can only do it for so long whereas when I was at her house everyday for hours she didn't think of it as a 'visit' the same way and I was just there. Mums been like it on the phone for a while too, unless she was ringing in one of her questioning loops she'd chat for a few minutes but then say she'd let us go to go do something. I think it's the it's a call or a visit so we need to be entertaining feeling, which is different to when I was there all day and we'd have quiet times and chatty times and didn't need to think about being entertaining. I imagine in normal circumstances when visitors could go in CH and sit together in lounge or bedroom it would be a bit different as people could do other things together rather than just stand and chat in one place.
I hope when they move to cafe window visits it works ok and they come up with a cold wet weather solution soon too.