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Sugar in her coffee

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,645
Yorkshire
Oh dear, it's confused mum day today I think. Mind you when is it not, poor mums 🤗 I must admit though I did laugh at the belly dancer party part, but the confusion and agitation part is sad. My mum uses the phrase'a waste of space' quite a lot, upsetting for you to be one on end of it when you were saying you would help her. I know its not a choice for them but sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try they just won't let you help them feel better. Hope she soon forgot it and hope you got over it too, but I know these things do hurt and stay with us 🤗
Well done on the gardening/freezing front. 👍
@Woo2 your veg seems to be doing wonders for feeding the insect population, it seems like they think its a free food kitchen for them. 😖😢
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Those ants are indeed very clever. We have so many ant nests in our garden I am thinking of acquiring an ant eater or I wish a woodpecker would move in.
I did shrug yesterday off. Mum frequently perceives me as her sister and daughter - we are interchangeable 😏
I will be visiting again on Monday

It does indeed @annielou feel like Mum sometimes does not want help to feel better. I think she sometimes does it in the hope that I will say that I will go and see her immediately. Either way it is horrid for her
 
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Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Nice day yesterday out on the motorbike with a friend round Cambridgeshire and West Suffolk. Went out early and back just after lunch. Luxury ‘elevencies’
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Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Fortunately the stopping place on The Fens was quite breezy @Sarasa.. we left at 8am and we’re back by 1pm but it was a little hot when we were not moving.
It was a nice few hours thanks @Woo2
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,645
Yorkshire
Well deserved snacks and ride x Love a jammie dodger and caramel shortbread. Is that a lizard or something on front bike wheel?
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Window visit was ok but because I am a ‘doer’ I get frustrated because I cannot do.
mum was not happy with what she was wearing saying to me she looked like a ‘bag lady‘. To be honest it was a mismatch of clothes and I just wanted to go in and help her change. When her carer came in later she said Mum had chosen her clothes specially today for my visit.
Still no glasses as she does keep hiding them but I just want to go in and find them especially when she said she could not find them but wanted them.
Neither of her duvets on her bed - just the standard issue one. I can’t see how they can go awol.
a personal care issue I could have solved easily if I could have gone in which was upsetting Mum.
spoke to Manager about the more important issues but say they cannot do unless Mum wants them to. Now I know Mum thinks she can do stuff and that is why (I think) she refuses them doing it but I know she would accept if I was there to keep her calm.
Small issues in the scheme as at least she is safe, warm and fed but just wanted a quick frustrated moan.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,667
South East
It must be so very difficult to not be able to go in and sort these things as you would normally , I hope that homes can start to get something in place as what will happen once the weather turns ?! Glad visit was ok of sorts , could the duvets be in the wash ? One would hope that they have the right training and experience to be able to help mum to do things .
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
580
God knows where the duvets go, or the covers, or the glasses, or the scarves, or the slippers, or the nighties, or the jewelry. The great care home sponge seems to absorb all these things! Ho hum, as long as my mum isn't agitated, nothing else really matters. One positive thing about having a loved one with dementia is it reminds you how unimportant most stuff is!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,645
Yorkshire
Moan away 🤗 It sounds frustrating @Bikerbeth . blo**y covid has lot to answer for, all the things its interfering with. Wonder if the standard issue duvet was on as mum had asked for it then changed her mind same as picking her clothes ? Its such a shame you can't go in now and help when she changes her mind or is upset with something and especially things like help find her glasses etc. x
I thought is that s a lizard climbing on wheel, its like an ink blot test, what do you see here? lol 😁
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
580
I've just been musing about my earlier response @Bikerbeth and you are right to be frustrated about those things. It is sad that I, who used to be, now so readily accept that missing possessions and wrong clothes are part of being in a care home.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Hi @lemonbalm i think we are both right.:)
There are things I should let go. Duvet covers are not important really. I could not care for my Mum like the staff at the Home generally do. As you say the most important criteria is that our PWD is not (unduly) agitated
Staff were going to try and sort out her excess clothing over the last week and take her winter clothes back to her orIginal room upstairs for when she goes back there. So maybe duvet covers will appear from the depth of her wardrobe again along with her glasses.
I know but I also ‘forget’ that Mum does not still behave the way she used to.
The glasses I think will always frustrate me.
I do have an ‘ink blot’ testing kit @annielou so maybe we should try some more😁
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Mum told me on Monday’s visit that she wished she had a friend to natter to. I spoke to her Carer today and it seems that a lot of the other ladies are wary of her now after she throw the water around. I know I can’t fix it but I did feel sad for her.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
Thanks @Woo2 - the CH is aware and I think that is why Mum gets to spend time in reception. I guess soon they will need to move Mum and the other residents with Dementia back up to the 2nd floor which is more secure. That might help depending on the new dementia residents. Hopefully she will also be allowed to work on reception too sometimes.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,667
South East
Gosh didn’t the predictive monster have fun on my last message :rolleyes: Good job you could decipher what I was saying ! She might make new friends once up there . It is nice that they let her ‘work’ at reception . Hope you are doing ok .