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Sugar in her coffee

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,696
That's so sad that your mum recognises somewhere that she isn't going to get better @Bikerbeth . In the late early stages when I knew things were awry but mum was still coping pretty well at home she'd sometimes complain about not being able to do things she thought she should. It was tricky to try and re-assure her as if I'd mentioned dementia she'd have been cross with me. Her GP explained it best when she started complaining about her shoulder when we were there to discuss her possible dementia. By that time the GP was well aware of her cognitive difficulties and he said that just like her shoulder was wearing out as she got older, so was her brain. As she was ninety that was an explanation she more or less accepted, though she would deny the consequences of a worn out brain even now.
I have a few (a very few) tomatoes ripening. The last few years when I've gone to eat them they've been rotten or split. Hope that doesn't happen this year.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
That's so sad that your mum recognises somewhere that she isn't going to get better @Bikerbeth . In the late early stages when I knew things were awry but mum was still coping pretty well at home she'd sometimes complain about not being able to do things she thought she should. It was tricky to try and re-assure her as if I'd mentioned dementia she'd have been cross with me. Her GP explained it best when she started complaining about her shoulder when we were there to discuss her possible dementia. By that time the GP was well aware of her cognitive difficulties and he said that just like her shoulder was wearing out as she got older, so was her brain. As she was ninety that was an explanation she more or less accepted, though she would deny the consequences of a worn out brain even now.
I have a few (a very few) tomatoes ripening. The last few years when I've gone to eat them they've been rotten or split. Hope that doesn't happen this year.
I have tried saying to her that like brain like her hip and her knee is wearing out and sometimes it works and other times I try annielou’s approach of being tired so things get muddled.
Do you know what is happening regards a chiropodist going into your Mum,s care home?
Hoping that your tomatoes are successful this year.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Mum rang me this morning (without assistance) demanding that I found her a hairdresser as I promised as it had been weeks now. Totally in a strop. I tried ‘nasty bug affecting people over 65 yrs old so you need protecting ‘ which does usually work but in this case she had walked past a hairdressers last night after a meeting and it was full of people (only in her mind) Of course everyone else in the home has had a haircut because they know the right people. I said I would speak to the Manager?
It is so hard because I totally understand where Mum is coming from. I just feel it is almost over protection to prevent residents having a hair cut or more importantly a chiropodist come in. I totally appreciate that CH are in a no win situation.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,375
I just feel it is almost over protection to prevent residents having a hair cut or more importantly a chiropodist come in. I totally appreciate that CH are in a no win situation.
When the family visits restarted after lockdown I saw that mum's toenails badly needed cutting - one nail was so long that it was cutting into other toes and was clearly causing mum discomfort. I couldn't see how bad it was from 2 metres away so took a photo and zoomed in on it! There is a chiropodist who regularly visits the home but these visits had stopped during lockdown and have still not restarted. It was then agreed by the manager that mum could be seen by a chiropodist (in the garden) but I would have to arrange this myself so I found a local podiatrist who agreed to visit the care home. He conducted his own risk assessment first, and obviously wore full PPE, but as his face was at mum's feet - rather than her face level - it was deemed to be not too high risk to cut her toe nails. Might be worth a chat with your mum's care home manager to see what they say? (still no hairdresser visits to mum's home but at least the toes are now sorted)
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Thank you @Louise7 . Manager has been on holiday and I thought I would give her a few days. I do have a friend who is a semi retired chiropodist (still registered) and is willing to go if I can get access. Good point that it is low risk as face to feet.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,519
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
If it helps @annielou , I get mum soaking her feet in a bowl (not my washing up one o_O ) for a few minutes , then they are a little softer , I have to do one side of the nail then the other and that makes it easier . I then exfoliate her heels and rub cream in so it’s like a mini pedicure . She loves it ..... I don’t !

It is most difficult going through someone’s possessions , I had to just shut off my brain and get on. Hope brother doesn’t keep you waiting too long to decide to visit and set out what he wants .
I had to laugh about “ not he washing up bowl” comment as I did indeed soak my feet in the washing up bowl and Pauline threw it out and bought two new ones and gave me a right telling off too. 😆
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Health and safety have ruled that Mum cannot have the cross stitch kit even with a plastic needle. I do sort of understand as Mum has been aggressive at times but this was to be done under ‘one to one’ supervision.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,653
South East
It’s a little hard but I do understand the reasoning . Better to be safe than sorry . Hope you can find something different she may enjoy . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,638
Yorkshire
Health and safety have ruled that Mum cannot have the cross stitch kit even with a plastic needle. I do sort of understand as Mum has been aggressive at times but this was to be done under ‘one to one’ supervision.
That's a shame, not sure how much damage could be done with one of those needles in the kits but I suppose if jabbed at someone it could still hurt a fair bit even though it's plastic and not sharp. Mind you so could a finger but suppose they can't confiscate those. Shame for your mum though, would you (when visiting allows) be able to take it in to do it with her or would it still not be allowed for same reasons then? Mind you that would still mean her missing out on an activity she could do when she's there in quiet times without visitors wouldn't it. 😟
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Thank you @Woo2 and @annielou. You are both right of course I was just disappointed for her. You made me smile @annielou though - the idea of ‘confiscating’ a finger.
I wish I was creative enough to think of something she would enjoy doing safely.
I was going out on the motorbike with a friend today so we decided to go to Mum’s bungalow and check that it was all ok and then have a picnic in her garden.
Coincidence or what. Last time I was there Mum rang. This time a Carer rang and asked if I would speak to Mum as she was upset. The CH has a lot of visitors on a Sunday and Mum had got all dressed up thinking I was going today and was in tears. I managed to calm her down by getting her to take some big breathes as I could not understand a word she was saying. She was all muddled saying she had gone to church and nobody talked to her and her purse had been stolen and people were walking in her garden ( other visitors pass her window but about 20’ back on the pathway).
I let her talk it all out and then said won’t it be nice to see each other tomorrow and because it was not a Sunday I would be able to stay a long time with her compared to Sunday visitors. I told her I had got her favourite magazine and some wine gums and agreed that I could indeed bring her a jar of coffee in for when she had visitors🙄. She had at least stopped crying at the end of the phone call and I told her I loved her. I rang back later and it appeared she was settled in the lounge so I was glad to hear that.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,653
South East
How weird ?! Sorry mum was upset , but glad you managed to calm her down , it obviously worked . I am not creative either , mum used to like the colouring books , she will occasionally do some now , she pulls all the crossword /puzzles pages out of her paper now and discards then . How about box of buttons /ribbons ? Shame they can’t ring your brother when she is upset but then I guess he wouldn’t be so sympathetic .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,638
Yorkshire
Glad I gave you a little smile x It is a shame though bout the kit. Also such a shame she was upset today, it really sucks to hear our mums upset though.☹ It sounds like you handled it really well, letting her get it out and then cheering her up with talk of your longer visit tomorrow. I hope it goes well tomorrow, sure she'll enjoy the magazine and wine gums. I sometimes find myself trying to figure out where the things mum has imagined happening came from but often can't it is so odd at times isn't it. 🤗 Hope you and friend enjoyed your ride and picnic x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Good visit this morning with Mum despite a few tears. If I can leave her with smiles then it has got to be good. I spoke to the manager and they are hoping to get the chiropodist in within the next 2 weeks. I spoke to the activities coordinator. Button sorting box is working. Mum is still spending time ‘helping’ 2 of the receptionists. Although not always joining in she will now come and watch some of the activities. The Home also has one of those ‘old fashioned’ carpet sweepers which I remember Mum had when we were small. Mum apparently will frequently get it from by the nurses station (where they now leave it for her) and she will use it to clean the hall carpets and in her room. If another resident ever drops anything on the carpet in the lounge and Mum sees she heads directly to get the carpet sweeper to clean it up.
if this is working for Mum that is great and I know that we will have good and bad days but today left me with a smile too. I just wish I could be a fly on the wall sometimes so I could see it too.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,653
South East
Good to hear chiropodist will be in soon 👍 Button box going down ok is good too, sounds like you had a reasonably good visit. I have a mental picture of your mum and the carpet sweeper:) I remember being intrigued by mums one and wanting to use it at any opportunity .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,638
Yorkshire
So glad todays visit was a better than yesterdays call @Bikerbeth x The carpet sweeper made me smile too :) My mum had one of those when I was a kid, we called it a push and shove, (you can guess why). I got one when I first got married for when I just wanted to get a few crumbs up without dragging the hoover out. I think it's still in the pantry now though hasn't been used for years. I have 'dusty' now a little handheld dustbuster, which I was often ready to pounce with on any crumbs that fell, like your mum is with the carpet sweeper. Mind you now I'm not home as much and my cleaning has gone to pot that doesn't get used much either.
I hope the chiropodist is able to come as planned. Good to hear that you mum is doing the buttons and watching, if not yet joining in with some activities, maybe soon she may join in a few, I hope so 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,556
Bedford
Mum got the staff to ring me today. Apparently there was a really noisy party there last night with a belly dancer and it was not fair that all the elderly people were kept awake. (The home did have a belly dancer there yesterday who performed outside on the terrace in the afternoon as one of the residence there had been a belly dancer) she also added in some very confusing questions and comments and demanded that I sorted it out as her mother was very cross with her. I said I would but she said she did not believe me so there was no point in talking anymore. I tried to get her to stay on the phone so she would not be so agitated but I was told I was a waste of space.
On the positive I chopped 2lb of runners beans up and put them in the freezer along with 10 onions chopped and also frozen. I ate the 5 remaining strawberries 😊
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,653
South East
Very productive on the veg front :) My runners have been quite stringy so the dog has had most of them , they are all absolutely smothered in black fly :( The ants are happy though , can you believe the clever ants have dragged a large piece of stick across the holes in the compost bag so they can whizz up and down my broad beans without having to touch the compost , they are amazing little things . Can imagine the fun peeling all those onions and chopping them😥. On a serious note how sad re the phone call with mum , It is distressing, I hope this doesn’t sound flippant but I hope you can brush it off of sorts and forget that particular conversation /comment . It doesn’t sound like mum thought it was you her daughter if she was talking about her mum being cross. Have you got any visits planned anytime soon ? Hope the chiropodist gets in soon . Have a hug just in case you want /need one🤗 x