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Sugar in her coffee

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Yes @annielou i did wonder about a miscarriage. I did also wonder if it was like your Mum not recognising you ad her daughter except that she always refers to him. I guess that is why I am a little perplexed. She only had a sister.
Dementia is indeed One big mystery with what their minds come up with - sometimes funny but frequently sad - certainly in my Mum’s case.
Love and hugs back
 
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Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,947
South East
I too thought about that but to know it was a boy it must of been late, could it be confusion with your brother ? Or a child in family adopted ? Or maybe none of those but a complete fabrication , Mum has come up with some weird and wonderful stories .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
I think the mystery might have been solved following phone call with brother. We think she means my cousin’s husband who used to do her garden and odd jobs in the house. Due to 20 yr age difference I tend to forget my older cousin and husband.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,261
Yorkshire
Well done on detective front. 👍 Sounds likely she might think someone who helped in house and garden was close relative but maybe not remember now exact relationship and mix up with children when talking bout them. Especially if like my mum she mixes up old and new memories together and has a mixed up timeframe of things so people of very different ages and memories from different times get mixed together all at same time
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,388
I think people with dementia get very muddled and confused about relationships, and they certainly do about time. At one point mum seemed to be thinking that my 'nasty boyfriend' was my long dead and very lovely uncle. When my cousin visited mum, I had to warn her in case mum started off about that, but by then she seemed to have forgotten that idea. Instead the two of us tried to make sense of why my even longer dead grandmother might have just moved to Liverpool!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Well done on detective front. 👍 Sounds likely she might think someone who helped in house and garden was close relative but maybe not remember now exact relationship and mix up with children when talking bout them. Especially if like my mum she mixes up old and new memories together and has a mixed up timeframe of things so people of very different ages and memories from different times get mixed together all at same time
So very true - mum is exactly the same
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
They do come out with some interesting comments @Sarasa
A closer cousin spoke to Mum today and Mum told her that she had spent the morning in the garden under the lemon tree but had been arrested this afternoon. Why she was arrested however was not explained,
Yes @Woo2 i am glad to think I know who she is referring to - a miscarriage or similar would not have been nice to keep to oneself all this time
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
I had a phone call with Mum today. She again was talking about them all having to move out and because she didn’t have a car she would have to try and get a bus. A frequent similar conversation over the last few weeks. I assured her she did not have to go anywhere but I could tell by her tone of voice she did not believe me. So I tried talking about cousin ringing her and telling her some news from another family friend but then Mum started saying about her handbag with money in being stolen so she couldn’t get anything, so again I tried to reassure her that her accommodation and meals were all paid for and I would organise some more money for her. Then she started crying and saying that nobody went to visit her, so I tried that nobody could visit at the moment but she was determined that everyone else had visitors. At that point she managed to cut me off. I left it at that as I felt neither of us was getting any benefit from the call. I hope the staff were better able to distract her and get her involved in something
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,947
South East
That’s difficult as it’s hard to distract /move on when your on the phone, I think that you made the right decision in not calling her back, as it prob wouldn’t have moved on . Hope your next call is better. Would video/Skype help in that she could see you ? It’s such unprecedented times that there is no clear definitive strategy to dealing with these issues . I feel enormously for you and everyone that can’t see their loved ones . Take care . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,261
Yorkshire
Sorry your phone call wasn't good 🤗 I think you were right not to ring back too, your mum would probably have wondered what was happening, why ringing again if she remembered you ringing or just start again with telling you same thoughts if she didn't remember. Hopefully the care home staff would have been able to distract her with something else and help reassure her. Its really hard when you can tell they don't believe what you're saying, my mum often is like that and I never know what to say or how to continue. I usually just carry on and hope for best or sometimes just say oh ok mum, sometimes nothing works whatever we do does it. The current lockdown situation is making things much more difficult for so many people and having a negative effect on so many people too I think. I hope that some way of us being able to return to visiting people in some form, even if not as close as before, is an option soon. x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
So the phone call today was very similar to other recent ones. ‘Everyone is leaving today, I don’t know where I am going to sleep, I’ve been sentenced and had to sleep in a hole which was all dark, nobody visits me and I don’t have long for this world’ I tried reassurance - your food and accommodation is paid for, distraction - are you going to sit in the garden today but nothing worked.
At least home put some piccies up of the picnic tea party they had. She did not look happy but at least she did not look so grumpy.
Onwards with pottering today as hurt back weeding the other day (long term disc problems)
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,947
South East
sorry to hear about your back , and the confused phone call. Hopefully with some rest your back will improve soon, hope the same for mum but I’m guessing that is wishful thinking . I have a lot to learn still .sending gentle hugs 🤗 . X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Thanks @Woo2. Back should be fine. It was a timely reminder that I need to start doing the exercises again that a physio gave me when it first happened which I did nearly every day for about 15 years but then started to neglect.
You are so right so much to learn and as many people on here say - you just get used to a ‘new norm’ and then it all changes. Although we were not that close it does hurt that I cannot solve this confusion for Mum and that I can’t at least go and give her a hug and take her our for a walk.
I was reading today about people on their own missing hugs and that is so true so thank you for sending some - hugs are important so sending some back too🤗
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,947
South East
I think we take for granted human contact , it is so important , thank you for the hugs 🤗 If we get to meet up we can have proper ones , virtual are great for now . I feel for older people at home alone it must be so very hard , hopefully there are people checking on them . We have an oap complex next door and I check in with warden at Xmas and bad weather that they aren’t alone or need any supplies but luckily they all have family and aren’t alone. It is hard not being able to help alleviate confusion, though in Mums case she doesn’t seem upset about it .
You are factoring in exercises this weekend then ;) we all do it then feel better and stop . Hope it eases soon .🤞 Take care . X
 

Henkerann

Registered User
Aug 28, 2019
12
suffolk
yes my Mum too, as long as I've lived she never took sugar in tea, one day when I made her tea, she told me I hadn't put sugar in it. I told her she didn't take sugar, she assured me she did? One of many new things.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,261
Yorkshire
Sorry phone call much the same and your mum was still confused 🤗 a hug from me too. X
Hope the physio exercises ease your back pain 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Had some not good news today. Best friends husband who had testicular cancer 2 years ago has now got a non Hodgkin lymphoma and starts chemo on Wednesday :( Not brilliant when you otherwise need a working immune system and I can even go and see her