I must admit Mum was really pleased when the Carers quite rightly made such a big fuss of her yesterday when we got back. She certainly has a few favourite Carers. I am not sure which would be her priority - a friend to natter to or attention from the Carers. As you have said in the past @Sirena if she is content/settled and maybe happy that is probably the best it can be

 

I think I spoke in hope too soon @DesperateofDevon. Unfortunately ‘nice Mum’ has gone again. I rang the home to speak to Mum and the Carer tactfully suggested that maybe not to speak to her today. They said all her stuff is packed in a plastic bag again and she told the Care staff I am trying to kill her as I want all her money. She told brother I had been whispering about her in the car all the way back from the funeral. CH are going to test her for a UTI. Nursing Manager has also confirmed that she has stopped showering and has started ‘weeing’ in inappropriate places according to the staff. All situations I have read about on this forum and half expecting but it has still made me have a cry.
They are going to let me know the results of the test tomorrow and then will have to decide whether I visit or not on Saturday.

 

I learnt from Care Home no UTI so with some trepidation I headed to the Care Home with smile in place and positive thoughts this morning. She was pleased to see me but she did say she wondered where I had been, so I just said I had been poorly. She had been out with an old friend to buy Christmas cards last week so I suggested she might like to write the cards but I could do the envelopes for her ‘because of her arthritic fingers’ she seemed pleased with that idea and we found a small empty lounge. One of the lovely experienced carers (whose Mum has dementia) gave us a plateful of biscuits to go with the coffee I had made. Apart from one or two comments like ‘ I guess I won’t see them again being stuck here’ we got the cards done for nieces/nephews/grandchildren and their children and some close friends. So quite a bit of potential for the situation to get difficult but successfully distracted/diverted. We managed to have a chat as we did them about the various people. Carer came back and brought some more coffee and stayed for a chat mentioning ‘that it was great that she had such lovely children’. Mum likes this carer and he obviously said this deliberately as he knows the situation. So thinking it best to leave on a high I left Mum heading to the dining room for her Roast Sunday Lunch. Headed home via the shops and put marzipan on the Christmas cake this afternoon. Seems to be a bit of a marzipan shortage in my area as it was only in the 3rd large supermarket I found some.

 

I am usually last minute but actually got the cake made quite a while ago. I did have a ‘maturing’ Xmas pud made late last year that I thought would be ok for this Christmas. However OH in October was not convinced and said it would have gone off so he got it out of the garage, ate it over 4 days and then said it was fine! However as he is the Christmas Day cook I cannot really complain.

 

Gave Mum a ring tonight. She told me carol singers had come to the ‘hospice’ but they stayed at the end of the driveway and only sang 2 carols which were not even proper Christmas carols. She also asked me if I had her ‘new’ Pj’s as she could not find them. I think because her PJ’s are like a t shirt top and bottoms that coordinate rather than match she struggles to recognise the top that goes with the bottom. So the new ones were checked trousers with a plain red T-shirt. Will have to have a creative think about how I get round that.

 

Well for a few hours we have matching PJ sets and Mum assures me that if I put them in that precise spot in the wardrobe they will be fine. I think I will have it added into the care plan to have the Carers put the pj’s out or perhaps when the bed is made the pj’s are ‘visible’ under the pillow.(thanks @Sirena and @jugglingmum for suggestions) When I arrived she asked me if ‘Mum and Dad are coming to visit’ and I said nothing today’ and she said ‘they are dead aren’t they?’ She does seem to be confusing me more with her sister. Later she did introduce me to the other residents on her floor (again) as her daughter. Nice visit though generally again as we went up to the little town centre and Mum brought a birthday card for her great niece. We went back to the CH and finished the Christmas cards (all written except mine as brother very unlikely to remind her). we had a nice lunch together in the main residential dining room. Staff had said to Mum about having her lunch down there with the other ‘non dementia residents’ which she did do initially for a bit more conversation but she told me today that generally she prefers to have her meals upstairs. That appears a bit more positive as in maybe a little more settled. We did have a few comments about not being able to see a few old friends because of the distance. Stayed for a coffee and then left her when the children from the local primary school came in to sing carols to all the residents.
When I say to Mum about coming to mine for Christmas lunch she says she will have a think about it or that does not want to spoil our plans even though I reassured her we did not have any plans as we wanted her to come to lunch. I had decided in my own mind that actually she just wanted to stay at the home. However her GP friend (experienced with dementia) who visited Mum said she really wanted to come to ours for lunch and was anxious we were not going to ask her.

 

@Sirena - good thought about the other dining room. Always good to get other thoughts on a behaviour.

 

Thanks @Dimpsy. Mum is usually ok with a couple of choices but obviously this is a big decision. I was going to change my approach today as you say and tell her that I will be picking her at xx time on Christmas Day. Providing no adverse reaction that is what I will do. Thanks