Well hubby goes for respite care on Monday for 2 weeks,can't even describe how I feel😩Sad,deflated,guilty,anxious,worried but the overall feeling is relieved.I've thought of nothing else since the phonecall on Friday saying they'd found him a place.I'm lucky if that's the right word,it's only a few miles away and as I don't drive it's a blessing.Today has been challenging,it's been the most tiring day yet,his pacing has been nonstop,in and out the house,the weather's been horrendous but still he's out and about,treading mud and leaves all over the house asking what time is it every 5 minutes,opening cupboards and drawers taking everything out for no reason he could understand,I could go on and on,the only reason I've kept calm is that this is nearly over.He's asleep now and I'm sat here crying for what I have to do on Monday,my son's booked the day off work to come with us.I really don't think he'll come home again,they'll see how bad things are with him.I've got to get into my mind that he needs more care than I can give.God this is hard,more so than anyone can imagine who's never gone through this😭My family love him to bits but they're glad I'll finally have my life back,I don't feel like that right now but I suppose that'll come in time,this has to be the cruellest of diseases,no quality of life for him,I'm hoping he doesn't linger in this state for years❤️
still here,still coping
- Thread starter sunshine chrissy
- Start date
Only one more day to get through on your own.
Glad your son is helping tomorrow.
It will be a big change for you and I am sure relief will be the main emotion.
Don't beat yourself up, remember what you said - he needs more care than you can give ❤
Thinking of you, in a similar position my mum is in hospital she wants to come home ; I want her in care just can’t do this anymore
I so feel for you. I thought I was having a hard time but your situation is much harder to cope with. It’s humbling to see how much you have been coping with. I hope you get your life back and get some well deserved rest and respite. The very best wishes to you
I hope it goes well tomorrow, but of course it's going to be tough and you will have mixed feelings. I just hope you both get the help and rest you deserve, and that maybe with the right support you will be able to be his wife again. I will be thinking of you xxx
Hi @sunshine chrissy ,
Don't beat yourself up.
I still remember what a lovely lady who used to frequent this forum once wrote : " Dementia takes away two people if you allow It."
Your sacrifice would be pointless for your husband and detrimental tò you.
Don't beat yourself up.
I still remember what a lovely lady who used to frequent this forum once wrote : " Dementia takes away two people if you allow It."
Your sacrifice would be pointless for your husband and detrimental tò you.
I will try and remember this quote tomorrow as I have the same situation on Tuesday. OH is going in for respite care and may be permanent. I have spent the last few weeks beating myself up with guilt, anger and every other imaginable emotion. Part of me is looking forward to the rest and the other part is feeling so sad for him thinking this is not what he would wish and it's not his fault he has dementia but actually neither is it mine.
It's not what anyone would wish and it isn't anyone's fault.
My advice would be to not judge how things are going for at least a week. It takes time for anyone to adjust to a care home. When all is said and done, it is an institution, not a home, and things will be different there. It's not helpful to compare. Your OH will need time to get used to asking staff for help instead of relying on you for everything and that won't happen instantly.
Also, you need time to get used to it too. Don't panic if things don't seem to be going well at first - give it time.
Good luck... and get some rest!
Thinking of you today. I went through this recently, respite turning into full time care. I won’t lie, it’s really hard. That first few days on your own bring in so many mixed emotions. Relief and guilt being the main competing ones for me. I have asked myself many times over the last few weeks which is worse her being here or there. Sometimes it feels marginal but the answer is always it’s better that she’s there. The wise words about dementia taking out two people is so true. And if you do make the decision to go for long term care that’s a great step towards saving one person. And it means you can look after yourself as well as your loved one so much better.
Glad you have your son to support you. Good luck. HS x
Glad you have your son to support you. Good luck. HS x
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