1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    This must be yet another one of those " only in some areas" because the DWP here not only returned Mum's forms but sent them back Recorded delivery!!

    Could you not take them into your local Job Centre?
     
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,178
    Female
    Chester
    I never got round to notifying DWP initially - but sent a photocopy to HMRC (they didn't need a certified copy) and presume the records got updated that way as I then started getting all DWP correspondence - HMRC was an urgent one due to issues with mum's tax return.
     
  3. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    If DWP do ask to see a certified copy (or the original) I will make an appointment to take it into the JobCentre. I say that they don't return the original because this is what is says on the AA application form!
     
  4. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    I found Mum could follow any storyline but loved simple Disney Pixar films. She was entranced by Bee Movie (I've only seen a bit of it so no idea if suitable) so after that it was simple calm child friendly films.
     
  5. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,971
    Suffolk
    Morning. Very very windy around here this morning, although I think it's beginning to ease.
    Yesterday was my friends funeral. Just about held it together. Lovely service, captured her spirit beautifully! Now to recover from all that!
    We were all given some bulbs to plant, to remind us of her, mine are dark purple tulips. Might have to wait until next week for gardener to come to plant them in garden, though I can manage to put them in a pot! It's a lovely idea, one that I thought I might like to do ( before I knew that's what she was going to do!).
    Hope your weather is better than mine!
     
  6. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,604
    West Midlands
    What a lovely idea. I shall get something to plant to give away at mums funeral on Friday :)

    We've had so many say that they can't come due to the early timing and place of the funeral, which is sad

    I may send them some bulbs as mum loved gardening with a passion :)




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  7. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    2jays, I'm sorry that many people are not able to get to your mum's funeral. I do hope it goes as well as possible. The idea of giving bulbs etc to people is lovely.

    It is also the funeral of my friend's mum on Friday. The crem is a 90 minutes drive from here, which is not great but I will have to put up with it. Friend said she didn't want me to go if it would cause me more pain. I said I didn't want her to be saying goodbye to her mum but it is what it is :(

    Mum saw the podiatrist yesterday who suggested we ask the evening carers to remove Mum's socks and switch them for bed socks. She tends to wear her socks day and night for days on end, even the ones with looser tops roll down and act as a tourniquet :( So I have bought some extra bedsocks and we will give it a try.

    I knew I had a hair appointment for myself coming up soon. Looked at the appointment card and discovered that it should have been last week! :eek: Hairdresser is fitting me in tomorrow, bless her. Mum also has a cut due tomorrow, I'm glad we have found someone who will do it regularly.

    It has been a bit wet and windy for the past few days - I hope none of you have sustained any damage in the recent storms.
     
  8. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Morning all,

    Lol Maureen - I know you are right, I don't need to get Mil loads of films all at once. This is me feeling like I just want to do something that might help her, I guess. Very hard to shake off the idea that I need to be 'looking after' her in some way, I guess putting the effort into finding her films/DVD's that I think she will enjoy helps me to feel that I'm at least doing a little something positive for her :eek:

    Thanks for the comments about the Carry on films that might be unsuitable - and yep, I'd forgotten the Childcatcher scenes in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - I'll hold back on taking that one in, I think. I've had a good look over the rest that we have got her, which I think are OK, and I have an Elvis film on order (which will be one of her Xmas gifts from us) which I also am pretty certain she will be fine with. I've included a couple of the pixar fils, too, Lemony. I think that I am just going to look for a couple of Irish folk style CD's now, and see how we go with what we have so far :) I did spot, on amazon, a double CD of Val Doonigans 'Greatest hits' :D - Mil used to sing Delaney's Donkey and Paddy McGinty's Goat to all the kids when they were little, plus a couple of other of his songs, so I've ordered that (another little Christmas gift) and I think she will really like it :) She may not be able to recall the exact memories that it brings back for me - but I hope that hearing those songs might perhaps spark a recall of the happy emotions that I think must be associated with her and the kids belting out those songs years ago :)

    Doing the move after Christmas wil hopefuly take some pressure off you, Slugsta and as you say, nice to have one last Christmas in your current home. Odd that you should mention the bedsocks - after Mil struggling to put socks on, and being rather difficult about me helping to get them on, I had replaced all her socks with nylon knee-highs - she had actually point blank refused socks for the last 12 months she had lived here. When we visited her, a week or so ago, she was wearing bed socks with her slippers, which the staff said they had supplied and put on her as she had been claiming that her feet were cold - and that someone had stolen all her socks! So last week, I also went out to buy a dozen pairs for Mil and left them at the home for her.

    2jays, I'm so sorry that so many can't make it to your Mum's funeral on Friday - I (and so many others on TP) will be thinking of you, hun xxxxxxx

    Had an incredibly busy couple of days. Sunday, we visited oldest in Coventry - and I think were very lucky with both the traffic and the weather, as the journey both ways was a breeze. Monday, I headed off to South Wales again - and although I had no serious delays, the heavy rain had closed several stretches of track in places, which had a ripple effect causing chaos at other stations. I had to change trains in Cardiff, and alighted on to a platform that was absolutly heaving with people. In short, the two previous trains that were going onto Swansea (which is the direction I had to head) had simply not turned up - no announcements and no explanation. The trains had simply 'vanished' from the info boards. Not a member of rail staff in sight, and instead, several police officers were spread across the platforms, dealing with some extremely irate commuters. I had no idea if my train was going to arrive, and there was simply no one to give any info. Just 10 minutes before it was due, the tanoy finally announced that it would be arriving- which was a relief till it came to boarding and all the passengers from the previous two trains that hadn't arrived also piled on. Around an additonal 150 passengers on an already fairly full 3 carriage train. I ended up wedged in, by the door, between the wall, and two rather large blokes for the next hour of my journey, and manged to get my toes trodden on and wrenched my back and my wrist, when the train jerked rather violently and everyone sort of toppled sideways. My back isn't too bad, but my wrist is still swollen and quite sore :( However, I fared better than some of my workmates, who were travelling in from all over the country. Several had journeys that took an extra 3 to 4 hours, and one poor lady got as far as Cardiff, 3 hours late, where the driver of her next train finished his shift and she (and others, of course) were simply left sat on a driver-less train, whilst the rail company apparently were phoning round, trying to find another driver. After an hour stuck there, my bosses (bless 'em) decided that enough was enough and organised a taxi to pick her up from Cardiff and bring her to us in Port Talbot - the poor girl arrived after midnight, and again, good for my bosses, as the hotel kitchen had closed, they even managed to find a take away and had a meal delivered for her just as she arrived. The next day, really hard to get any info from the train websites, so the bosses made the decison that we should all leave an hour or so earlier, even if it cost a fortune in fee's to change all our tickets, to avoid any of us being stranded or ending up travelling so late at night. Thankfully, I encountered no major delays, ariving home around the same time as I would have had I caught the later train, which under the circumstances wasn't bad. But, it had been a really long couple of days - and made so much more stressful by the rail companies being so poor at letting anyone know what on earth was going on :(

    Today, I was going to take the day off, but have been asked to attend a meeting that it would be really useful for me to go to, so am off to Deeside this morning. I am hoping when I get back, that I can deal with the admin in a couple of hours, then get to visit Mil. Tomorrow, I am out all day again - and again, just hoping that I don't have any major admin tasks land on me, so that I don't end up with work trickling over into Friday. Finges crossed!

    I hope you all have a good day xxxxx
     
  9. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,971
    Suffolk
    Morning!
    I was lucky that funeral was on Monday and not Tuesday. The roads around the crem were absolutely horrendous, cos one road ( bridge) was closed and all traffic had to go through town, instead of bypassing it! It was bad enough getting to the refreshment place after the funeral. Work had started on a roundabout that day! Have no idea what they're doing to it. So it took 7 mins to get about 4 miles, and 20 mins to do the last mile!
    Must dash, have honey and mustard sausages to finish for a meeting in an hour or so! Christmas has started!
     
  10. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,178
    Female
    Chester
    Spamar - glad you got to your funeral OK, tulips sound nice, thinking you could plant them in a pot so by front door and put them in the ground next year - depends when they are due to flower.

    2Jays - sorry many can't get to your mum's funeral - timing can make things harder, I'm assuming you are having funeral where she is now and many who used to know her won't /can't travel - can't please everyone.

    Ann - I understand you getting lots of DVDs but maybe trickle feed them into home in case of getting lost, and swap them round keeping some at yours.

    Slugsta - I never understand conveyanceing times! but having one last Christmas where you are sounds nice.

    Ann - train seems hell, sometimes my commuter train(Liverpool to Chester - but only part of journey for me) is packed that full, although then we all lean against each other as we are so packed in. We always bemoan lack of info, but as a regular there are always others I recognise, it always makes me smile when I get on the 5.32pm train and people who have come to Liverpool to shop can't believe it is standing only and moan loudly- don't travel home with commuters. Chester Cardiff train has been very reliable when dau has got it, getting off at Newport.
     
  11. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,178
    Female
    Chester
    #6491 jugglingmum, Nov 24, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2016
    Hope Amy has got away for her Thanksgiving break - and that she is relaxing and having a good time without being expected to do anything

    Not a great time in work at the moment, normal November business plus other issues. Think I'm going to look for a new job.

    I've not put this down before but I've never got myself back sorted with things since all went pop with mum, don't visit her as often as I should as I find it so hard, and never got on top of her paper work, partly because so fedup with my brother, not even got round to applying for AA, although reading some posts although I thought she easily qualified not so sure now.

    OH had fluey bug and in bed for 4 days, dau not well with it now - so with all this major rows going on - again.
     
  12. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,604
    West Midlands
    I could have written most of that last year....

    Squishy hug

    Only words of wisdom are

    cut yourself some slack

    My thoughts : We are not super human, tho we do and have done super human stuff on occasions.

    With the benefit of hindsight, We always got some things wrong. But at the time, we did what was right for us

    I could waste time and feed the guilt monster with, mainly, "I should have" thoughts.

    When they come along I pat myself on my back with "I did or dealt with that amazingly"

    Dementia world is a world like no other and trying to fit in everything, something is going to break. Don't let that be you who is breaking.

    In the great scheme of things, most things to do with mum can be sorted, eventually, and not only by you.

    Obviously, if you don't do them, of course they won't be perfect...... I used to think that about myself, but the things that were sorted by others were probably, in some cases, better than I could have done them, especially as sometimes I was broken

    Take a deep breath, pat yourself on your back for what you are achieving and tackle other stuff another day, one piece at a time per day. Little steps, one by one

    Hoping that makes a kind of sense as my thinking brain isn't too good at the moment xxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  13. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,971
    Suffolk
    (((((Hugs))))) 2 jays. Hope everything goes as well as possible.

    Be back later, neighbour just about to arrive for our weekly rant
     
  14. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,604
    West Midlands
    Nothing like a good rant spamar, enjoy :D


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,971
    Suffolk
    (((((Hugs))))), JM, feel you need them. I've got plenty!
    I think 2 jays has expressed things very well. I still have problems with things I didn't do! I'm still looking at the paperwork, so join the club! I did print out the Christmas card list this morning so that's a start. Had to sweep the papers on the desk to one side to get the laptop in, though. Then it took me ages to find the on/ off button, you know, top left as usual! Not used it since before trip to Cornwall, then dumped it in study, so remembered to charge it first thing! iPad rules!
    Went to a carers meeting yesterday, well worth my while! No fees, Christmas special (£1.50!), had a Christmas quiz, I won!! There were to be no prizes, but someone gave me a box of matchm....! Raffle, I won a box of Fer....R.....!! My favourite! Saves me getting a box for Christmas. It's bigger than the one I would have got anyway. Definitely glad I went.
    JM, I think I will pot up the tulips, hopefully this weekend. Not sure about putting them out the front, though, herbs ( and gas meter) fill that up! I might move the pot shrub on the right, it's not been doing well recently. If I put them further over, I would hardly ever see them!

    Hope Ann, Grace, Slugsta and RedLou are all OK!

    ImageUploadedByTalking Point1479996658.916155.jpg
     
  16. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    1,162
    Just very quickly in to say I'm thinking of you 2Jays. Sending happy thanksgiving vibes to Amy. Hugs to Spamar and JM. (Don't beat yourself up!) Fingers crossed for Slugsta and the ongoing move and Grace with, I hope, the non-mithering of the out-laws.

    Will post at more length when I can. xx
     
  17. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,604
    Scotland
    Thinking of you today 2jays xx.
     
  18. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Sending more (((hugs))) for 2jays, hope everything has gone/is going as well as possible. Hope you are remembering those pats on the back that you recommended to Jm.

    (((Hugs))) to you too Jm. Sorry that you have work issues on top of everything else :(

    Amy, I share the hope that you are having a happy and restful Thanksgiving.

    While I'm about it, I'm also sending lots of (((hugs))) to the rest of you, I'm sure you won't say no!

    Things are trundling along here without too much trouble - which always worries me! It is the funeral of BFF's mum tomorrow, a 90 minute drive from here, so that will take up a fair chunk of the day. Aquagym and shopping with Mum first though.
     
  19. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,178
    Female
    Chester
    2 Jays - hope funeral goes well tomorrow

    Slugsta - hope journey to funeral and back goes OK - am assuming it is just a long journey for you. Aquagym and mum as well in the day sounds very busy.
     
  20. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,623
    USA
    Just want to send greetings and good wishes to you all. OH and I arrived at our friends' house last weekend and are having the best possible time imaginable. We were given the option to do nothing for Thanksgiving dinner but were happy to help and we had a lovely dinner and very congenial gathering today. Although we worked hard it wasn't tiring or stressful in the least. Such a change from our own families!

    I am thankful for all the good advice, untiring support, and unlimited and humbling kindness I have received from everyone here on TP. Thank you all so much! With love from Amy.
     

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